I recently suffered a concussion which had symptoms for weeks. I was grateful to have learned about spoon theory ahead of time so that I was prepared to do what I needed to do to get through each day. Even so I slept through a doctors appointment due to planning too much for one day.

I am there with you. I am not really into the occult stuff at all but there is a tarot card that really spoke to me, the 9 of swords. It was as if my life with chronic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, PTSD, and panic disorder had been illustrated on a card. I have had to come to realize that psychiatry and psychology can only help so much; I will always be fighting to stay alive with a mind that wants me to kill myself. So often it is a living nightmare, and it all saps my strength until I can’t do as much as everyone else. Having a daughter with biopolar disorder and ADHD has made my life both more wondrous and more nightmarish; watching her suffer as I have done is the worst thing I can name, and trying to deal with her when she is angry is nigh unto impossible. I’m officially disabled but it seems more and more is expected from me. Some days, especially now that I’m on Adderall, I feel better and work compulsively around the house, yet somehow can never get supper made or some other important chore done despite all of the other things I have done. I worry and make simple chores into huge insurmountable obstacles, as if the whole world will stop because I can’t possibly mop the floor because it will take too long. When it fact it will take 10 minutes. And I will be going around the house working feverishly on other things and not finishing any of them because I am so worried about mopping the floor. Sometimes I think of just giving in and jumping towards the knives. But I love my family too much for that. It often feels like I am sacrificing what I want (death) in order to be there for them, and that really bothers me. I need a lot of time to detox from being around people, if that makes any sense, but at the same time I am very often lonely. I love and dread family gatherings because everyone talks at once and my brain tries to separate the tangled words into coherent sentences, and I can’t hear well to begin with! It is exhausting. I enjoyed volunteering at the elementary school my little girl goes to but it didn’t turn out so well; apparently I was too detail oriented and insistent on actually teaching the little girl I was helping to understand what she was reading so that she didn’t get her worksheets finished quickly enough. I am hyper-vigilant. I was once called Legolas because of it and we still joke about my elf eyes. It is fun being able to spot wildlife that no one else sees until my brain starts identifying the one creature I am afraid of (large grasshoppers) and finding them in everything remotely shaped like them. I have been paralyzed by the sight of a leaf on the sidewalk. I have been known to run and hide in a bathroom for fear that somehow the grasshopper will not only follow me but enter the building and try to squeeze under the bathroom door. As you can probably guess, I don’t have friends anymore. I have acquaintances and family (and cats) and that is all. The knives cut deep. Fortunately, with mental illness sometimes we can learn how to get more spoons, and I am working on that. (To quote Paul Simon, “I have my books and my poetry to protect me”). There is always a limit, though, and we never know how many spoons there will be. And for those of us who have the sorts of problems that tend to come along with mental illness, like IBS, migraines, etc., we can end up using up all of our spoons just dealing with the “side effects” of the mental illness if we aren’t careful. Anyway, I used to think I was a weak, lazy, good-for-nothing coward of a failure (still do sometimes, but not so much as even a few months ago). Now I’m starting to see that I am one of the strongest people I know, even if I’m the only one who will ever know it. You are strong too, all of you. We are stronger than the knives that come to cut us down, even when we think we’re all out of spoons to fight them with.

Yes this hits home. No one understands Interstitial Cystitis and the pain and exhaustion it causes unless they have something that does the same thing. I’m a few spoons shy today. it kept me up last night.. 🙁

Thank you for putting what I have been trying to say but couldn’t get the words out in the order needed.

i definatley cried – my god i can relate this, more importantly, someone can relate to me

I am so happy that PT has helped you Jean, I REALLY am. I would like you to consider that some people have chronic conditions, some have multiple chronic conditions. I do not think there is ANYONE with a chronic condition that is not always keeping their ears open for any reasonable treatment. Until the time comes when effective treatments arise, I think Christine’s story of The Spoon Theory is an awesome way for those with chronic illness to explain to friends and family why can not do all the things they used to do. They are not lazy, they are fighting an illness, an illness that they have to deal with on a daily basis.

This is so accurate. I have chronic Lyme disease. Enough said.

Ever since I can remember, able body people have said to me “you handle it so well”. I got the polio virus when I was 19 months old. I have never known how not to handle what has been with me my entire life.

You wrote my story in a way, Jean. I should be using hydra, with post polio syndrome. Chronic pain at every joint and in every muscle. 14 surgeries, many tests. paralyzed right diaphragm. I lose more mobility every day. I’m also allergic to Nsaids and Opiods.

I live with a chronic vitamin b12 deficiency, which mimics multiple sclerosis in many ways. This analogy has been so helpful to me many times.

Geezus it’s a freaking metaphor. Don’t be so literal.

I too am chronically ill, thrice over at least. Some days I can get out of bed and some days I can’t. I recently spent 7 days in bed and did not eat during that time. Pain, shame, and depression had ahold of me. I got weaker from the time in bedrest. Did I save any “spoons”, like stockpile, for not bathing, dressing, eating, doing chores? So many people are into this, but I really don’t get the association with spoons, besides the fact that she was in a diner and those were what she had to work with. Is each spoon a dose of energy, a task completed, a difficult, important phone call made, a PT session? Exactly how many spoons does one get a day, whom do we redeem them with? What if a task feels like half a spoonful? We cannot backtrack and reclaim our spoons, they just disappear. So what if we wake up and there just are no spoons for the day, and plans must be cancelled? That takes effort. Rescheduling, rerouting, cancelling. Does the spoon fairy come at night and leave the spoons for you? It is very cumbersome trying to carry a bunch of loose spoons when you need a cane, a bag, a list, keys, and a beverage. I wonder what the receptionists at my Doctor’s office would do if I left a spoon with them at the conclusion of a drawn out waiting visit? Then the Pharmacist? Then the checker at the store. If and when I finally make it home safe do I leave a spoon on the porch? Spoons can’t hold you up, and they drop easily, or go flying out of my numb hands. Why not buttons, bingo chips, tokens, calling cards? Pogs? Postage stamps, or marbles, Hot Wheels (those you hate to give up worse than spoons). It is 5 a.m. and I have been up all night trying to understand the sentiment, is it the cradling support of the stack, and when you get down to one, your day is called quits? I need a better analogy, or reference, I feel like Mr. Spock, but I can’t help it; it does seem highly illogical, Captain.

It helps if one knows which are which, which (alas) most of us who are NOT physical therapists do not.

you have to know what kind of physio to do. YOu need to activate the stabilizer musles…zoom in on them ..not use the major mover muscles. It’s done in baby steps. slowly and gradually..not ever to feel fatiqued. it’s the quality not the quantity that couonts.They don’t cause pain of the surrounding joint.

lol…I have a basket at my bedside and living room with an assorment of different sized balls…the smallest plastic xmas balls-golf-tennis-lip balms-baseballs. Anything that can fit into an area I use. I’ve found out the erasor on a pencil works well in my arm and elbow. thes hiatsu kneeding machine I bought at a thrift store for $5. I buy many of them at garage sales also.

OH I know that not many can afford physio. I’m just expressing that the act of doing physio is so improtant and that if one isn’t sure of what to do it may be worth a visit. If one can’t afford it there are plenty of good videos on utube from reliable sources.Have you looked into isometric exercises and others that don’t wear the joints zooming in on the stabilizer muscles around the joints? They are easy on the body and can be done without people knowing you are doing them. I slowly tighten and release certain muscles where ever I am. When walking to the bathroom I do my hip stregthening ones against the wall at times. I incorporate it into my day. Doing a lttle at a time does help. If one only wants to do at once they could spend as long as they want daily… If one is given direction of what to do they do not need to be dependant on visiting a physiotherapist on an ongoing basis. STretching/massage is considered physio, is also important and doesn’t require a physiotherapist to learn about and practise. A tennis ball on a trigger point can be done Bottom line …..lots can be done independant of a therapist.That is what people should be aware of.

PHysio isn’t necessary that often. I learned what I needed to and followed thru on my own. I go only 3 x yr if necessary. I have coverage for that and wouldn’t hesitate to go for more paying $70/visit for the benifits I gain. The average person doesn’t realize what all they can do on their own and want easy wasy of doing things with minimal involvemnet

Absolutely! Muscles atrophy from disuse. Chronic pain causes depression. Untreated depression can lead to suicide. Exercise does help. It changes brain chemistry. It helps the body. Stagnation is slow death. Even patients in comas are massaged and have applied exercises from physical therapists. But change your your way of thinking and watch what happens.

I understand what you mean. Physical therapy hurts and takes two days to recover, but in the end it helps me. Hydro therapy has been a blessing. I hate starting and hate when the prescription for PT runs out. My quality of life is miraculous until the pains return and it’s downhill again–then doctors again, more prescriptions for PT . . . It’s an endless cycle, but yes, the more we move the more strength and stamina we gain. I’m sure PT might not be for everyone, but I am grateful for therapists who understand how hard it is to convince some of us that moving is good despite the pain, and then see us through to feeling better.

In case there are doubters, I’ve had seven surgeries, deal with nerve pain and depression, and am allergic to NSAIDS and most pain meds.

Thanks for daring to comment. It means a lot.

Yeah, it was like she had ESP, wasn’t it? I was actually weeping halfway through the article!

Sorry. Glad to see there IS someone as Admin.

You do know that those of us without certain diseases do not study them and learn every intricate detail about it. She was simply asking a question. She is not sick and does not know what its like.

While sitting here typing i”m doing physio activating my pelvis, glutes and other muscles around joints. No one in the room is even aware I’m doing physio. One does not need to take time out in the day to do it. I do it on the throne, at the kitchen sink, walking to and from the bathroom. brushing my teeth. Just try to work it into your activities of daily living and make it a routinge. It sure doesn’t hurt and after time it DOES benifit you. IT takes a while..

Trouble is: not all of us can afford a physio. When the area surrounding a joint hurts and experience tells us that sort of pain usually presages not even being able to lift a coffee cup next day, it is better to rest than persist.

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I thought this might help by saying what lupus is an autoimmune disease that has no cure and can be fatal. I myself have known people for whom it was fatal.So when they say they only have this many spoons that is not feelings that is facts.