The Spoon Theory written by Christine Miserandino

 

Please take the time to read Christine Miserandino’s personal story and analogy of what it is like to live with sickness or disability.

Click HERE to download “The Spoon Theory” in PDF format.

The Spoon Theory

by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

Cartoon image of Christine Miserandino holding a spoon
As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.”

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”.

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”.

© Christine Miserandino

*We have English, Spanish, French and Hebrew translations of “The Spoon Theory” available.

You may NOT publish or re-print this article without the written permission of Christine Miserandino and ButYouDontLookSick.com. Thank you.

Now you can purchase small and large poster prints of “The Spoon Theory” from our Online Store! These posters will make a perfect “get well gift, or friendship/ I understand gift.” We also think it would make a perfect addition to any doctor’s office, or support group meeting room.

The Spoon Theory Large Poster – $22.99

The Spoon Theory Small Poster – $18.99

Most importantly, get one for yourself!

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  • Brenda Skinner

    Simply put, I thank you for this very creative yet understandable way of explaining not only your day but, what the day of many people with chronic illnesses do have to deal with. I suffer from Fibromyalgia, diabetes, neuropathy from diabetes, osteoarthritis in my knees and hands and the many symptoms that go along with fibro. My husband is beyond wonderful with helping and understanding. My kids seem to somewhat understand but, i think this will shed a whole new light on it for them. My father in law is one who truely needs to read this. I am sick yet, choose to smile when i see someone i know and often those i dont know. He once told my husband that a person can tell when someone is sick by looking at them and their eyes and he didn’t see it in my eyes. He also said once, “it was all in my head”. That hurt and angered me. It also made me aware that people do judge by how one looks. My mom was sick for yrs. Eight to be exact before she passed away and did her best to look good when out until the very end and she did this not for others but, because very little felt good and to her to be able to at least feel good about herself was important. I think that was great because she held her head high even though she ended ip in a wheelchair. So to you and all others who have spoons, hold your head up because your beautiful….. Ty

  • Brenda

    Thank you Christine! I am hoping my family will read this and understand just what they are doing to me everyday!

  • Esther

    This was so awesome for me to read, I THANK YOU Christine for this beautiful story of inspiration.

  • IV SHARED PROUDLY;AND UNDERSTOOD MY SELF;MY CONDITION MORE;GENTLE HUGS;AWESOME INFO;P

  • Mishazu

    For the first time I cried so hard . You said things I couldn’t say . It really touched me though it hurts but I really feel much relieved with this theory .I have lupus . Thanks a lot

  • Tabssc

    This is also perfect for describing fibromyalgia. Would it be ok if I put this on my Facebook page?

  • Elvin18300

    You dont look sick is a excellent way to explain lupus and other illnesses that we sometimes suffer from! The spoon theory is very good, even though i tried to explain this theory to my mum and she didn’t understand unfortunately.

  • Cookiehead8

    some people are telling me , I look great, and I dont look sick,  am not sure why they are saying this, I have lukemia.

  • Beatlebug

    Thank you! My sister has recently been diagnosed with a chronic pain illness and this puts a different spin on it.

  • this is ingenious! how clever, to come up with this on the spot, and its so perfect…no one gets it. how limiting chronic illness is, how much you lose, freedom, to work, clean, enjoy, live….

  • Sarah

    Errylynne,
    It has taken years for me to finally find doctors that don’t think it’s all in my head.  Just 6 weeks ago, I had chemical allergy testing done which was so enlightening.  Symptoms that I had attributed to such things as repetitive tasks, heredity, weather changes, other illness possibilities, ALL showed up as symptoms when I am exposed to any one or all of the following chemicals: grain alcohol, chlorine, formaldehyde, glycerin, and phenol or any of their many “relatives”.  Praying you will find answers. 

  • I hear you loud and clear.  I feel that frustration every day, and I
    don’t even know what’s wrong with me.  Some doctors thought it was
    fibromyalgia, some thought epilepsy or even lupus, but so far tests have
    shown that it isn’t any of those and I’m no closer to knowing what it
    really is.  My heart goes out to you and everyone whose spoons are so
    few and so precious.  Together we can help the healthy ones understand
    and live in better synch with them. God bless you all.

  • This comment has been removed.

  • Anonymous

    I was in tears when I read this. It helped me understand why I was going through as a lupus patient and I have now also shared it with my husband, friends and colleagues. It’s always been so difficult to explain and I am so thankful I found this article. Thank you so much for writing this.

  • Histiokitty

    Thank you!!! Living with Langerhan’s Cell Histiocytosis is tough, too. Now I feel more normal!!! You rock!!!

  • xania more

    [[[HUG]]]

  • ConstitutionalFreedomFighter

    Wow. This is reality for me every day. Very, very touching.

  • What an excellent way to try to let people understand what it’s like to live with chronic pain, and other things normal people don’t know a things about. I have worked for month with a broken back, ulcerative colitis, kidney stones, lupus, meningistis and COPD just to name a few, but because the few times I’ll go out in public no one even thinks about how sick I am and how a call from a friend or even a relative might be a very special thing to me when they take their daily life for granted. If you don’t “show” people, even your doctor, just how sick you are no one will ever think you might need a shoulder to lean on now and then. Good for you for getting it out there!

  • What an excellent way to try to let people understand what it’s like to live with chronic pain, and other things normal people don’t know a things about. I have worked for month with a broken back, ulcerative colitis, kidney stones, lupus, meningistis and COPD just to name a few, but because the few times I’ll go out in public no one even thinks about how sick I am and how a call from a friend or even a relative might be a very special thing to me when they take their daily life for granted. If you don’t “show” people, even your doctor, just how sick you are no one will ever think you might need a shoulder to lean on now and then. Good for you for getting it out there!

  • Kitsunerina

    An excellent way to help others understand the drain of fibromyalgia, lupus, and other spoon limiting trials. To understand that you only have so much energy for a given day and that you have to ration every piece of it to actually accomplish anything. And to always be grateful for the extra spoons you sometimes find. Thanks for sharing. 

  • i am 16 and have just been newly diagnosed with lupus and the struggle has been so difficult but after reading this it has enlightend me so much and changed my out look and is helping me deal with everything

  • Sarah

    Amazing, inspired, creative and very accurate way to describe ” a day in the life of…”.  I too deal in spoons! I have recently been diagnosed with chemical/fragrance allergies.  Every moment I am not in my own home I have to be “on guard” for what exposure I may encounter. 

    Thank you for sharing this story.

  • Christine Pelfrey

    I have RA and I too deal in spoons. This is genius and beautifully written. I will share you blog with my friends & family. Thank you for sharing this story.

  • Kim Scop

    It is a bummer of a thing, having to watch them be looking at me, or just noticing something that looks like I’m in pain, or overheated, or exhausted, and I can sometimes feel like they be thinking to themselves, “Gee!  What’s her problem”, or “Why is she looks like she is pain and when she or acting this way, when actually, She looks so good”.  They are not with me every moment of the day, ya know?

  • Erin-Robyn Porath

    FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, SOMEONE FINALLY UNDERSTANDS!

  • Diniepuckett

    What a wonderful way to explain something so hard to unserstand.  I am a healthy person with a sick friend and sometimes hve no idea how to make her feel better.  I will just listen and really listen and hear her.  Thank you so much.  I am a nurse and I need to always be aware of the difficulty people are going through instead of just getting my chore done and leave the room.  Listening is a precious gift, just like a spoon.  Good luck, Diane 

  • jamericanspice.com

    I have a friend (kayla) with this sickness and I wanted so bad to understand more about what she was struggling with. Thank you so much for sharing this example! 

  • Goofyshoes77

    I agree with Cher. Don’t beat yourself up over something you have no control over. Your recovery will take time. The serenity prayer helps me so much. I have a few mental illnesses as well as physical. And when I hit frustrations, I pray the serenity prayer and it helps to put things in perspective. I have limitations and 3 kids. My husband is supportive and a few friends. But that don’t help when there are things I want to be able to do with my family and can’t. That’s when the serenity prayer comes in handy. God bless and I will pray for you that you have a steady recovery. With acceptance comes a certain freedom of not worrying about what you cannot change. Hugs.

  • dogsdontpurr.com

    Wow….thank you for explaining it this way. It really is sooo hard to get people to understand….because you can’t “see” pain. Or the difficulties that come with that. And thank you for helping me feel that I am not alone.

  • L Coulbert

    So so true.………I have CMT, & relate to this in nearly every way, Thank you x

  • Kathy

    Thank you for sharing this.I understand it exactly but you explained it fantasticly, If thats a word.LOL
     

  • Amcomets

    Love this, I have sjogrens syndrome and fibromyalgia and the spoon theory is my life to a tee. Thanks xx

  • Edgarallnpoet

    Bless you Ashley, I am not a religious person but your story makes me want to pray for you. I am so sorry you are so ill so young. People take their health for granted and are clueless what it is like to be sick. Your illness sounds more acute than chronic. So glad you have a bf to be with you through this. It makes all the difference doesn’t it? I am rooting for you.  For what that is worth.

  • Edgarallnpoet

    I was going to reply but I am speechless…what a thing to live with since you were what…13? I have had MS since I was 11 and misdiagnosed for over 30 years. Finally got a diagnosis 10 years ago when I was 44.  But I look so good! Really. Even my GP says this EVERY time I see him.  Bless your heart for being so strong and so wise for your years…I wish you well. I identify so much with your story. All I can say is wow…

  • Edgarallnpoet

    obviously you are a physically healthy person, a little lacking in the compassion department and controlling, but you are totally clueless otherwise or you wouldn’t make a comment like that…

  • Chris Brown

    A friend who knows this has just referred me here as my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is running at, by their estimation,  “one and a half spoons”.
    My official routine is that any five minute of (gentle to moderate) activity needs following with fifty-five minutes of rest.
    Good game, I hope you don’t have to play it at home.
    Good imagery does help communicate ideas.

  • Sslawlor

    I too have had this explained with Marbles in a  fishbowl. Taking out a marble for activities. It was from a woman teaching a Fibromyalgia informational g roup through The Arthritis Foundation. 18 years + with fibromyalgia, and I have been out of marbles more days than not. Thanks for posting. 🙂

  • Robertdgreene

    I agree with this article.  However, all I can think about is a line from the movie The Matrix when Neo said, “There is no spoon”.  Living with someone who has MS, I know for a fact that there are days when there are no spoons. And there are also days when there are many spoons but you still have to be careful.

  • Lee Staniland

    Christine, I got this from a friend on FB,Suanne McKenna(I think) and it makes so much sense. I am head injured and I am so blessed that I don’t need as many spoons as alot of us. A friend of mine calls them MARBLES. She runs out of them all the time. It makes so much sense. I hope you don’t mind that I’m going to share this with a lot of people. Thank you!

  • Edgarallnpoet

    Christine,

    What an eloquent and creative way to explain living with chronic illness to another person. Thank you so much. May I please copy this and give it to my doctors (even they don’t understand) and some friends and family? Healthy people do not appreciate what a gift they have. But I have a gift too…chronic illness IS a blessing in so many ways. It has made me a much better person.

    Juli Michaud…I am on FB if you need to contact me or [email protected]

  • Grneyes_77

    I want to thank you for this, its an amazing way to explain to someone who does not have any illness to help them understand, I get the whole you dont look sick so you must be faking look all the time, I was in a head on collision 4 and half years ago I suffered damage to my neck and back which has brought on several debilitating illness’s. I had to quit my dream job at working at a dialysis center because it got to be to much for me and the pain was getting to be unbearable, I now work in an office which is something that I said I would never do because I love being in the medical field where I can help people, I now have fibromylgia, osteoarthritus, rhuematoid arthritus, herniated and bulging discs in my neck and back, and yet I only take one medicine because I refuse to do that to my body, as it stands now I could very well quit my job and go on disabilty I already have the handicapp parking for the days that I can hardly walk which is the good ol rainy cold nasty days, and oh I love the looks I get when I use it to, I have no physical outer symptoms they are all internal so when I get out with my hair done and my makeup on people give me the omg can you believe she is abusing that, what they dont no is that it takes me at least 2 hours to get myself ready each day because I’m exhausted from no sleep the night before, extremly stiff in the mornings and my hands so numb constantly so I have to stop every few mins and shake them to get the feeling back in them so I can finish gettin ready, but I just smile at them and say hi which usualy embarres’s them to the point they turn away, every once in awhile they will speak back , then I tell them to have a blessed day, which leaves them open mouthed, I absolutly refuse to let this get me down, I have more bad days than good but I still get up outa my chair which is another thing I havent slept in a bed since the wreck, and just tell myself today is another day that the good Lord has allowed you to be here, so make a difference in someones life today. It’s hard to put that smile on especialy when your in alot of pain but I have made it my goal to hide it from everyone because I will not burden anyone form this instead I wanna be an example that just because
    life gives you a bad hand its ok to go ahead and play regardless of the outcome because at least I no in my heart I did my best. Thank you again for the encouragment and inspiration, God Bless, Angie.

  • Mscottxyz

    This analogy basically describes a fundamental biological theme: survival costs energy. Energy efficiency (in humans here) is a continuum from the most physiologically symmetrical, nutritionally/emotionally/developmentally resourced person down to the most asymmetrical/dysgenetic/mentally dysfunctional person. The more symmetrical your body is, the less energy you expend. Amongst ‘healthy’ people there is still variation and over the course of a lifespan energy expenditure will vary greatly. Do you know any short, energizer people that seem to run for days on minimal sleep and food? Why do tall people eat the arse end out of a horse every meal and sleep like lions? Energy requirements dear.

  • Jules

    I had to respond to this. My son (23) has asked me (well I just realized he finally stopped..maybe he’s coming around) numerous times “how long are you gonna use your health for an excuse?” which is sooo hurtful, especially when I can’t control what’s going on with me.  He has called me lazy numerous times in the past because of my inability to do housework and the oh so many other things I can no longer do. My plan is to print this spoon article and give people copies LOL! Not to say they would read it, but at least I’d be trying to help them understand, once again. Good luck to you!

  • Jules

    Hang in there…your kids will understand one day. Just a thought…have you ever shared the spoon story with them? My kids are 23 and 26 and THEY don’t understand but my illnesses didn’t start until my kids were much older than yours (other than the mental illness which I’ve had all my life, so they were definitely familiar with that).

  • Jules

    Hello, just wanted to clarify for you coming from a person who has more physical illnesses than I am old, and also have many mental illnesses such as major depression, severe anxiety, PTSD, etc., you stated “unlike a physical illness, mental illness does not allow you to know just how many spoons you have at any given time”…I assume you must not have any or many physical illnesses ~ there is no truth in this my friend.  Physical illness is just as bad if not worse, and trust me, you NEVER know how many spoons you have at any given time either.  My physical symptoms many times come on stronger, faster, and with a vengence than my mental symptoms…so you understand the mental aspect, but please don’t misunderstand the physical aspect (be extrememly grateful if you have no physical problems). I don’t know how familiar you are with bipolar, etc., but my friend you referred to bipolar as “like a physical illness”…well, bipolar IS also a “physical” illness. It’s an illness of the brain which is a “physical organ” just like our hearts, etc.  I always looked at them as two seperate things also until a doctor told me once that “having mental illness and needing medication is no different than a diabetic needing their insulin” and then they went into what I just shared with you. I guess the doc saw a need because I, like sooo many others, years back would start psych meds, then feel better and tell myself “hey man, I’m feeling really good…I don’t need these meds” (and of course early on, it wasn’t the medication in my mind that made me “better”, rest assured I have since learned, lol), so I’d take myself off my meds and then…well…you DO know what happened next ~ downhill ride, fast, and back on meds. But the way that doc put the diabetic needing insulin thing, THAT is what finally gave me acceptance that I needed the psych meds, especially when I’m feeling good cause that must mean they are working LOL! I wish you all the best of luck and it’s nice to read things and feel like “man, did I write that?” LOL!

  • Taxi71

    I’m pretty sure the ‘Spoon Theory’ would work wonders for kids. It’s very basic and raw, and every kid has held a spoon. Go with it. They WILL get it. Good luck. 🙂

  • Bayareasherlockian

    As Lauren said, I sat crying as I read this, because no one, and I mean no one in my life gets what it’s like to be in a depressive phase.  I work so hard to drag up extra spoons, and to pretend it’s okay. I make efforts to try and plan, but as Lauren also said- I never know how many spoons I will have. It could be 5, it could be 25. And I have to go to work, and I have to smile, and I have to ride busses to and from there and be social, and every single step, costs me spoons some days.

    It’s not physical, it’s mental, but, some days I get home and I just cry, because I can’t get anyone to understand “Why you just can’t do this right” or “Why did you make this thing” or  “Can’t you just shut up and go to sleep?/Stand still?” or “Why is this not done?” or “Why do you look so upset, Jesus, can you only smile at work?” or best of all “You aren’t depressed, just lazy. You had energy to spare last month!”

    And I love you because now I am going to use this so people understand, just keep handing them spoons and forks and tell them that I will keep doing this constantly and each one they drop will be an outburst, a bad decision and they can only hold them in their hands, not on arms or against their chest- that is mania and high energy.

    And then I will randomly stop handing them any spoons at all and tell them that they feel suddenly achy and sad. And then use the spoon theory… and then tell them they made it through a day, see how long they slept, and hand them a spoon or two each hour, minus any outbursts of noise due to the hours  they slept in, and then make them do day 3. in full depression- using the spoon theory exactly.

  • Lauren

    I love this article. I believe it helps to explain more than physical illness. I have Bi-Polar Disorder and, like a physical illness, it leaves me with only a certain number of spoons each day. However, Unlike a physical illness, mental illness does not allow you to know just how many spoons you have at any given time. At any rate, Please keep writing. You are an inspiration to more people than you know.

  • phyllis

    this is so amazing i don’t have lupus i have other problems. this has made me so blessed with the health i do have. my prayers go out to everyone with lupus. and thank you to this author.

  • Kprunn

    Absolutely love this.  It has help me understand myself and also now my husband is helping more.  One thing I wish for is a kids version.. 🙂 My kids are 6 and 9 and are struggling trying to understand.

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