Handicap Parking and My Invisible Illness

 

I have an invisible illness. To look at me you would see a short, fat, middle-aged grandmother. Sometimes I walk with a cane, but most of the times I don’t need it. I have a handicapped parking tag hanging on the mirror of my car. I park in handicapped spots. However, I get nasty looks when I get out of my car because I look normal.

I am not “normal”, I have Fibromyalgia. This is a connective tissue disorder. The health professionals’ don’t know what causes it, or how to cure it. There is no blood work that says, yes, you have it or, no, you don’t. It is diagnosed by a list of symptoms and a series of pressure points on the body.
They symptoms of Fibromyalgia are many and varied. What affects one sufferer may not affect another. In my case it is chronic fatigue and chronic pain. The fatigue can be overwhelming. Some days, just thinking about getting out of my bed or my chair is more than I can deal with. Doing everyday activities like washing my hair may not be possible because I can’t hold my arms up long enough to lather in the shampoo much less have any remaining strength to rinse it out.

Chronic pain is another major symptom of this disease. It is not like any pain I have ever had. My muscles hurt. My joints hurt. My skin hurts. It hurts to have the lightest touch. Being hugged can be torture. Shaking hands feels like a vise. This is where the pressure point diagnoses comes in. There are eighteen pressure points on your body. A doctor who is familiar with the illness knows how hard and where to press. If he gets a reaction on eleven of the eighteen, it is considered a diagnosis. The day I went in because of the pain, I had a response to all eighteen pressure points.

Other symptoms that go with the illness do not in and of themselves mean you have Fibro. They can be indicators of other illnesses or mean nothing at all. I have a tendency to drop small items such as keys. I have also dropped large items because I thought I had a good grip on them and didn’t. This is not always constant and some days are better than others.

It can also alter your vision. Some days it is hard to focus and other days I have clarity of vision I haven’t had in years. Some days I can walk as I did ten years ago, and some days it is all I can do to make my legs work. Some days I can eat whatever I want. Some days my stomach is in an uproar and getting any distance from a toilet is not an option.

How does this affect my everyday life? In some ways, it has been extremely negative. I have well-meaning friends and family tell me about the latest miracle cure. They also give me unsolicited advice such as if you would only . . . fill in the blank . . . you would feel better. On the other hand, there is this wonderful new doctor, treatment or vitamin that will surely cure me. They are offended when I don’t jump at the latest offering or advice, but what they don’t understand is that I have looked at all the suggestions they are offering me, and I found them lacking, quackery or just plain dangerous.
I can no longer work, even part-time. The fatigue and pain would put me to bed. I know, because I tried working part-time. At the end of the first two weeks, I was in tears. At the end of the second two weeks, I was in the bed for most of the next five months.

My love life is not what I want it to be. It is difficult for my husband to make love to me knowing that his slightest touch can be painful. This might work if you are married to a sadist, but most husbands don’t want to hurt their wives. The fatigue also plays havoc with my love life. I get tired quickly.
I have three beautiful grandchildren. I have not bonded with the youngest two as well as I have with the oldest. Because of the fatigue and tendency to drop objects I didn’t hold them as much as I did the first one.All of this led to a tremendous amount of guilt and anger. These have to be dealt with in order to move on with your life.
Grieve.
Grieve for the abilities you have lost.
Grieve for the uncontrollable changes in your life.
Grieve for the plans you had that will not come to pass.
Grieve for the you, you could have been.
Get angry.

Find someone who will listen without judging. Who will let you blow off steam. If cussing makes you feel better, use every foul word you ever heard and make up new ones. Get it out of your system. Dealing with the guilt and the anger are not going to happen overnight, and once you deal with it doesn’t mean it will be gone forever. You will have periods where they will come back. Don’t be alarmed or get depressed, well maybe for a little while you can be depressed, but deal with them in the way you know works for you. The only exception here is substance abuse. It is very tempting to drink, smoke pot, do pills or eat yourself into a stupor to make it all go away. However, this are only temporary fixes, and adds to your problems. It is not what you would tell your children or your friends to do. So, don’t you. (End of sermon)

All is not lost. I have been able to make positives out of the negatives. I now work from home as a freelance writer. It has been a slow journey, but I am making progress. I have written a few articles and been paid for them. I was a regular book reviewer for Romantic Times Bookclub Magazine, and had to stop as I had a short story published. I am developing an online reputation as a writer doing research columns, writing book reviews and teaching classes online.

My husband and I are learning to adapt to the illness and have a mutually satisfying love life. My children and grandchildren are learning to cope and know that they are loved in spite of what I can no longer do. We are learning how to adapt the activities we love to do as a family so I can take part and everyone can have a good time.

My friends and family are learning to look carefully at treatments and doctors not just for me, but for themselves too.

Now, if I could just get people in parking lots to quit giving me dirty looks when a “normal” looking woman gets out of a car parked in a handicapped spot.

Submitted by guest writer Deborah Brent

©2024butyoudontlooksick.com
←  Older Comments
Newer Comments  →
  • Talon

    I’m heartened to see so many more responses and yet disgusted that we all have such similar experiences.

    When you’ve done the things I’ve done, it’s HARD to accept that your body has betrayed you and a simple walk from your car into the store, or the YMCA where your homeschooled daughter has swim practice or yoga or other places all have to be taken into consideration for the rest of the day. Most people I know don’t plan their days around the one event they have to leave the house for. Most people I know don’t need to recover from “fun days” much less plan for them extensively in advance. I get SO angry at people sitting in handicapped parking spaces with no tags or plates, just waiting. Or by the way they PARK. This one gas station I frequent, every SINGLE time I go there, someone is using the blue slatted lines beside the handicapped parking space(singular) as a parking space. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

    But then I also yell at people who drive with their placards hanging. The worst offenders are the temp ones, in our state, the red ones. They act like it’s a freakin’ status symbol. (It’s my daughter’s job to remind me to hang the placard if I forget when we park in a handicapped space, but I can’t SEE to drive when it’s hanging there!! And I see old people who probably should be tested to see if they OUGHT to be driving, not only out and about but with a MAJOR blind spot now with the hanging placard…arugh I could rant about that forever if I wasn’t losing coherency.)

    I’d give just about anything to not only need, but qualify for my placard. It’s a tool, just like my cane, just like my pain meds, just like my routine. Some days, having access to closer parking means the difference of two or three spoons and those are spoons I can use for my family, or for myself, for a change.

    I’m just rambling now, but I’m just so ANNOYED at some of the posters here and their attitudes, and angry at what many of us have had to deal with in using these tools that help us live a little easier.

    Yes. The placard is mine.
    No. It does not belong to my parent/grandparent/aunt/elderly person of unknown origin.
    Yes. I have an actual medical reason for it.
    No. You really don’t want to know the details of my medical life any more than I want to tell you.
    No. Being disabled with an invisible illness only affects my punching you in the face if you run. If you hold still for me, I’ll knock you on your ass.
    Yes. I’m aware I have a bad temper. Chronic, unending pain does that to a person. Also people who think they know better than I do about my medical treatment and condition.
    Yes. If you are civil to me and need the space more than I do, I will gladly relinquish it. If you’re a bitch to me, well then you’re out of luck.
    No. There is no cure for my disease. The best cure may or may not relieve my joint issues and involves two (at least) major surgeries and the removal of one or more major organs.
    Yes. I’ve already had cancer, thanks. I’m a fourteen year survivor and you can bite me because my medication puts me at a higher risk for many types of cancers including the one I already had and beat.

    And I’m gonna stop now, because it’s cold and I hurt and I have to navigate stairs. I’d love to recharge my spoons, but laying down for too long hurts, so I don’t even get to sleep well.

  • Bonnie Forshey

    I know the feeling! I have been sick since 1993. My son, who was 16 at the time decided to end his life. The stress of everything, literally destroyed my body.
    I have HepC from either a blood splash at the hospital ( I am an RN) or a blood transfusion in the very early 80’s. I also have RA, Lupus, osteoporosis,hypertension, HepB, and severe spinal disease. My discs are all herniated and in contact with the spinal cord, I am awaiting a neurosurgeon’s appt.
    My liver is very bad, and I also have steatosis. My doctor is afraid that I will go into liver failure. My kidneys are also bad, because of the lupus.
    But people look at you, and judge you.
    I hate the comments. I would much rather be healthy, and able to work again. Do they think that we really want to be this way? I would rather be healthy and park in the back of the parking lot. I didn’t choose this life.
    I used to attend a gym, twice a day. I worked long hours and many days at the hospital, taking care of the ill. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I have been on morphine for almost 20 years, and it doesn’t help.
    I really hate it, when you see kids park in the handicap space, simply because they have grandma’s placards in the window. It makes it very hard for those of us who really can’t walk.

  • Dianne Blackburn

    I have RSD, CFS and have had multiple back surgeries, knee surgery, shoulder surgery etc. I have handicapped plates. I have 2 SCS’s (Spinal Cord Stimulators) and just recently had my drug pump removed because it failed. I do not look handicapped as since my pump failure, my RSD has somewhat gone into remission (not totally as I had full-body and now it is mainly just back in the original site of the left foot/leg–I have had RSD for over 35 years now).
    When I get out to go into a store, I may walk in just as well as any other person. I may not be in pain, I may not limp, I may not appear to have any reason to park in the spot… fast forward 5 minutes to when I may exit the store… I may barely make it to my car! I may be riding in the motorized scooters or holding on to a cart for dear life! Or I may (rarely-but thankfully it does happen) walk out just as I wakled in— as tho I do not need to park in the handicapped parking!
    I’ve ony been back to being able to drive for the past about 10 months now—the 10 years before that— I couldn’t drive because I could not guarantee that I could stay awake for 5 minutes–even after sleeping 20 hours and being on multiple meds for narcolepsy! But now, for some reason, I stay awake–possibly due to the drug pump failure and change in pain level… possibly due to who knows what — they have no answers!
    If I get any looks from anyone or anyone says anything to me– and I am a Registered Nurse (not practicing due to health but current license) I let them know that I am using it for GOOD reason and I would be glad to change bodies with them! lol… But when I see family members of the disabled using the placards or plates–without the disabled person with them— I get very ANGRY!! My kids knew if I EVER found out they parked in a handicapped spot without me—they wouldn’t be driving again! And I know the security guys around us and they would have told me so my boys knew they couldn’t get away with it!! But they also knew how hard it was when we would go somewhere and there were no places to park and we had to park far and then we’d see some kid be-bop into what was obviously their parents car while using their placard—and boy, my sons would go yell at them!! Funny how it changes a persons perspective when they know someone who really needs to park there and see those who obviously are not the ones supposed to be using it… but even then– it may be someone like me–having a rare good moment!
    Just a shame that all those other idiots have ruined it for us!!! Grrrr!!! There are many “invisible” disease processes that qualify for and need placards—and noone should ever feel bad when they have to use them because they fall into that category! It’s just a shame that over the years so many have taken advantage of them—and so many doctors hand them out like nothing… while good doctors rarely do!

  • We had a discussion about this on women in pain awareness. It is tiring getting the look or, as happened to me as with others here, listening to an outraged person rant about your taking a handicapped spot when “You are obviously not disabled”. I have trigeminal neuralgia, a severe and disabling facial paiin disorder. Like many of you I do not outwardly appear ill or disabled. We should not have to explain, patiently if we can, that disabled do not have to use canes, crutches, or wheelchairs to be considered disabled.
    Carol
    http://apainedlife.blogspot.com/

  • Lizzi

    I have Lupus with multiple organ involvement – lung, kidney, and muscle damage, along with secondary fibromyalgia, and I cannot walk (or even stand) very much, even on my “best” days. A few years ago, my husband was hospitalized with a serious condition, and I was getting out of my car at the hospital(I have a handicapped permit and was parked in a handicapped space) when a couple of nasty old bats came up to me screaming that I
    “didn’t look disabled” to them. I told them the permit was mine, and I had serious medical conditions that prevent a lot of walking. The mouthier of the two demanded to see my driver’s license! I was fatigued and hurting, and very upset about my husband, and did not have the time nor the inclination to be arguing with these dimwits. I said “I don’t have to show you anything; you show me police ID and I’ll show you my license”, and she said, “I’m calling the cops!” I had really had it by then, so I told her I didn’t care if she called the f**ing National Guard! I went into the hospital and left the two jackasses standing there in stunned silence.

  • Jane Farmer

    I know the feeling. I wish I had a stamp on my forehead that says “I may not look sick, but I am so butt out.”:)) I can’t walk from the far end of a parking lot to the store. Irritating to be given dirty looks when you really are sick.

  • Kay

    Thank you, for the words that I’ve not been able to say.

    Gentle hugs

  • I meant to give Deborah kudos for writing this article. I thought “Ms. Spoonie” herself wrote it, but I was wrong. I want to give credit where credit is due. WTG Deborah!!

  • Love this article! I have often had the problem of being stared at, being asked what my disability is and told “you look fine to me”, interrupted to “But you don’t look sick”. thank you for reminding us to “Grieve.
    Grieve for the abilities you have lost.
    Grieve for the uncontrollable changes in your life.
    Grieve for the plans you had that will not come to pass.
    Grieve for the you, you could have been.
    Get angry.
    After 20+ years of being sick, I honestly don’t think I have grieved what I have lost. I have spent my life trying to overcome the illness, make everyone else happy, and pretending I am Super Woman. Maybe now I will take the time to grieve. I am sending this link to my husband, so he can read it and understand why I am wondering around aimlessly crying, lol! Thanks again for all you do for us.
    Love from Texas,
    Tammy

  • cindi l

    Oh the way people act over this issue has me seeing red! I have 2 children that have fibromyalgia, my son was diagnosed when he was 16 and my daughter when she was 22. They are now 19 and 30. Because they are young, thin, both tall and nice looking, they try to at least look decent even though they feel like hell, people consistently give them a hard time if they use their handicap passes. My son got his because he took college classes when he was in high school and it was quite a hike from the parking lot in the dead of winter, but they had plenty of handicap spaces that sat unused. He doesn’t always use his, I run errands or go out to eat with him and many times he will just pull in another close spot. But if he has just got off work and is miserable and tired, his legs are what hurt him the most, like stabbing knives he says, he will use his placard. So he had got off workand went with a coworker to Chipotle to get food and parked in a handicapped spot right outside the door, there were several others open. When he went inside the worker refused to take his order because he had parked there unless he went and moved his car claiming, “your not handicapped anymore than I am, now go move your car”. So my son tried to explain that he did have a placard and that it was laying on his dash, at which the guy told him it was probably his grandparents and he wasn’t even supposed to be using it. So then he started explaining that he actually had fibro and what it was. Then he just got mad and said give me my food or I want the manager! So he did get his order, but the more he thought about it the madder he got, because he was embarrassed at being made a spectacle of, and went and told the manager what happened. So she went and made the employee come to his table and apologize. Which almost made everything worse because the coworker he was with, didn’t up to this point even know he had fibro, my son didn’t make a point of telling everyone about it, but just tried to do the best he could.
    My daughter has had many instances of people saying things to her. After she got married she moved to Austin, Texas where her fibro got much worse because of the heat and humidity. She was in so much pain and so fatigued that she could no longer even make it through the grocery store, she had been hanging on the cart and was just exhausted and felt like she wasn’t going to make it out of the store. So her husband suggested she use the little carts. She started doing that, one time this lady that worked at the Walmart Supercenter said to her-“Honey those are really for people that have something wrong with them, not just for fun”. At which point she pulled out her handicapped card and said ” I have fibro”. Then whizzed away. I mean she was 28 years old at the time, it is not like she was a kid playing with it. So rude! Then they finally had to move back to Denver for her health because she got so bad in Austin. She Had not been there long and was still trying to get her strength back when she went to get her hair cut. There were 6 handicapped spots together on a city block, with all the other spots being further away. There was 1 woman parking at one the same time she was and the other 4 were open. As she was putting money in the meter this woman came around in her wheelchair screaming at her that she wasn’t handicapped, how did she get that placard? Amber said she had fibro. The woman said “I have friends that really have fibro and they couldn’t get one, what did you do, bat your eyelashes at the Dr.? So Amber just turned and started walking up the street to her appt, and this crazy woman followed her for a full block, screaming at her the whole way about perfectly healthy young people with handicap cards that are just too lazy to walk very far and making people like her in wheel chairs have to park farther away! I know what my kids go through every day of there lives, it doesn’t make it better that they are young, it makes it worse. Their friends get tired of them never feeling like going anywhere, it is hard on them to keep up with anything and then if they try to use something to make their life easier, they are judged for that also.

  • Faustin Kidibu

    Greetings first . I have spent time to read the story and i understand that how it must be hard . WE cannot stop to encourage because God did not send us in this World to live eternal life ; we have another life with God and Jesus and we must focus for quiting any slavery or dependance to our body who wants to remain and live as long in this World , but we have another life close with God , this must be our focus until we reach it . You will never find peace in this World , with or without desease . Jesus won and we can win with Jesus . When we are suffering , when you lament or are complaining , this will bring more pain and You will have nothing . When face any problem we must maintain our faith to our hability to support any problem we have because we are not only a body , but also we are a spirit in image of God . Ok / So people who are quiet are able to take control of any situation they are face as we see and watch our brothers and sisters of Japon . They believed in Boudha and they are enduring without complaining . It is amazing to see this . But we need them as Christians following Jesus Christ . Take easy your problem to control it . God be with You .Thanks Faustine Kidibu wrote

  • Nan

    I’ve had a disabled hang tag for years, as I’ve had chronic back pain, 2 surgerys which made me even worse. I also have 2 bad knees, and was JUST diagnosed with a stress fracture of my hip. With all these disabilities, I cannot exercise, and have gotten overweight. I use a cane most days, but now am using crutches. Boy- do I EVER get dirty looks. I can just hear what they think “Wow, that fat broad got a handicapped hang tag”.
    Walk a day in my shoes.
    I dress nicely for my weight, my clothes are not too tight, I don’t wear stretch leggings, or close cropped tops. My belly isn’t showing, my hair is pretty. I’m too tired and in too much pain most of the time to put on makeup. I cry a lot. I take pain meds, but sometimes it’s like a drop in the bucket.
    Why, oh why are there such cruel people in this world??

  • Wife

    My husband has MS. We were very fortunate to be able to purchase a van that has a back entry for his wheelchair. We are able to park in any spot to get him out of the van, just have to watch out for people turning or driving too close to the back of the van. We do use the HS because most days he is not good at driving his elec. wheelchair and I walk beside or behind to be sure he doesn’t hit anything (or anyone). If there is no HS available, we try to park as close as possible. Believe me, I would park further out if possible, because I see many people who seriously need to be closer to the store, but I also need to be sure my husband is safe. Hope you all understand.

  • Christmas

    I don’t think anyone is refering to people who need the spots with clearance on either side due to manual or auto ramps. I’m sure that all of us, no matter what sort of disabilty we have try to yield those sports to the individuals who require them. However somonne whose chare is loaded on the back of the vehicle might have an better time entering and leaving a store than I do – when after 3 knee surgeries (but they won’t replace my knee due to age) and a bad hip, I have severe IT bad problems – basically there are days my left leg is useless. I rely on a cane or crutch and must use a motocart in the store.

    I have been challenged on my disabled status before. At a showing of Rocky Horror no less. The *differently abled group* was allowed to line up inside rather than coming up a steep outsoor stairwell. In my fishnets and short skirt I looked normal by the group standards. I walked up toe to toe with the man, asked would he like to start with my knee surgeries, my genetic disorders and birth defects, my autoimmune problems or the heart attack I had at 31. He started to stammer and back off and the line behind me, including several people who had much more visible and severe problems than I do began to applaud. I have to say it is probably one of the coolest things I have done in recent years, because I was just mouthing off to a jerk because I had a big burly guy friend with me and knew the guy running the event. But a lot of the other people said they wouldn’t have stood up that way and were really glad someone did.

    So always stand up for your rights folks, you aren’t just doing it for you and you never realize who you might inspire.

  • Roxy S.

    I have read through this wonderful article and all the comments an I am amazed. How can people be so rude to each other? I have degenerative disk and joint disease, hepatitis c, cirrhosis and diabetes. I have three wonderfully understanding children, and the best hubby on the planet. I have a handicap parking placard not necessarily because of the way I feel when I get there, but because of how I feel when I come out. If there is a spot close that is not handicapped I will use it. I too have to use the cart to hold me up, and I have to put all my weight on my left leg by the time I hit the check out because I can’t stand the pain in my right leg. I had to have back surgery then another surgery 6 weeks later to fix the screw up in the first surgery (they punctured the sack around my spinal cord, those headaches are fun, make migraines a walk in the park). Then just when I thought I might be ok I got a staph infection from the second surgery. No physical therapy for me until it was too late. Now I have NO muscle strength in my back. I am not in a wheelchair because It hurts me too bad to sit in one. I understand that people in wheelchairs need wider spaces, I do. My question is this, why can’t they be farther away? Use the closer spaces for the people that actually, desperately need to be closer because we can’t make it that far?? Believe it or not people get mad when I suggest that, but if the ONLY reason you need the spot is the width for your wheelchair, why can it not be at the back of the lot since you don’t have to walk?? I need the wider space myself to be able to enter my vehicle since if I can’t open the door all the way I will most likely injure myself just trying to sit down. Not trying to anger anyone, just my opinion. People in wheelchairs have yelled at me for using “their” spots, when they may actually be less disabled than me.

  • My father used to limp when getting out of my car with me. I dont look sick and i refuse to look sick! My vanity is one thing i can be proud of and i’ll take what i can get. Life has been taken from me by my disease, i will nnot be diminished further by ignorant people who care more about where i park than my disability, even my father.

  • Cynthia

    I can totaly relate im 22 years old and have an illness called GBS another invisible illness that causes me to fatigue very quickly and puts me in extreme amounts of pain.

    iv had a handicap sign fore about 5 years now and some of the looks me and me friends get when we pull into a handicapped space.

    One time me and a male friend of mine were signed up for a cake decorating class at our local craft store and as we pulled up into the hadicap spot out front. a lady from the store standing out side on her smoke break (ewww) v started staring us down and trotted over to the drivers door. she [proceeded to tell him he needed to move his ignorant ass because this spot wasnt for lazy people wanting to park close. my friend then opens his door got out said NOTHING to this lady. then took MY wheelchair out from the back seat. ( i use it for shopping or long distances) the lady was shocked and then said she was just trying to be nice and warn us cause she didnt wanna see us young people get a ticket………….
    i simply smiled at this lady and said thank u and we went on our way.

    I decide its not worth wasting my breath or the little energy i have on people with half a brain.

    my friend on the other hand has no problem expressing his dissatisfaction and disgust with peoples ignorance. witch i find very embarrassing. drawing more attention to my situation…

  • Charli

    I’m a 30-year-old woman who often looks quite healthy. But I have a type of vasculitis called granulomatosis with polyangiitis (formerly known as Wegener’s) which has eaten up much of my lungs, kidneys, and nerves. I use a handicap placard to park. Sometimes I have to use the wheelchair and sometimes I don’t.

    When I’m looking healthy (not in the chair), I sometimes actually get people confronting me about the handicap thing. It seems pretty disrespectful and rude and at first I was defensive and carried a chip on my shoulder. Like, “Back off! I earned this thing!” But feeling so angry is exhausting.

    So now when someone says something like, “You don’t look handicapped.” I smile brilliantly and say, “Thank you!”

    Inevitably, I disarm this person who thought he wanted to chastise me and he finds himself asking me what my disability is. I’ve chosen not to be offended by this imposition on my privacy. Instead, I seize the moment as a chance to tell someone about vasculitis and my rare disease. I’m hoping he spreads the word. Maybe he tells a friend who tells a friend who tells a friend who asks her doctor about her symptoms and gets diagnosed earlier than I did.

  • Stephanie

    I have felt a little sadness/frustration with a couple of the posts by particular people regarding this issue. I’m 27 and have been using a handicap parking permit for many years due to my condition RSD (now called CRPS) in the left side of my body. I have a good attitude, try to smile and use distraction as a way to cope with my condition since meds and treatment do little for me, push myself too much because people don’t let me accept my limitations because of their ignorance and their embarassment – so like this site says I struggle because ‘I don’t look sick’.
    I’m surprised that someone with a disability is ignorant as well, very sad. I use my permit whenever I can and here is why: I use a cane (except at home, like another post stated because I can rest, sit down or rest against somethine easily) because my pain is horrible all the time and even worse when I leave the destination. So even if I walk into my destination at an ok pace (as I try hard to walk properly with my cane as not to create deformities with my body or more problems with bones and muscles because of cane usage or because the cold weather is too painful) I always look different exiting my destination as all my energy is gone and pain level has increased. But the reason I need the larger space, not just a close space is because I need the space to get into my car. I don’t need the space for a wheelchair (and I do understand why those with a wheelchair need the space) but I do need the space to exit and enter my car as it can be extremely painful to squeeze into my car because I can’t open my car door the full way and have it stay open on its own so it doesn’t hit me on my extremely sensitive left side (a car door closing even slowly on my arm or leg would feel like someone stabbed me with a knife/punched me extremely hard and therefore resulting in a flare up). People I am with often see a close spot and say we can just park there, I have to continually repeat that it isn’t just the distance that is difficult, for me it is the space and distance.
    I have had some pretty horrible looks and comments and let me tell you, my frustrated side comes out because I constantly have to deal with ignorance and it gets so tiring – so watch out lol BUT don’t forget to laugh at the stupidity.
    I hope this can bring some understanding to those who aren’t seeing all sides to this issue – let’s support each other, not put each other down or lessen our struggle.

  • Steph

    “but I have to agree with the doctor who says that it’s easier for a chair-bound person to get to the further spots than it is for me”

    Your doctor seems to rather dumb.

    The main issue here isn’t the distance to the shop entrance but the absolute need for a wider parking booth.
    My wheelchair is loaded and unloaded automatically by a wheelchair next to the drivers seat. If i would do this with your car in the next regular space you would not be happy with the state your car was in afterwards…

    Here is a video of such a system..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8DjU5LcPVQ

    Would anyone still suggest to use such a car in a normal parking space?

  • DiAnna

    I keep seeing comments saying that if you can use regular spots, please do so that wheelchairs can use the handicapped spots. This is all fine and good, but when a DOCTOR tells you that you’re in more need of the handicapped spots than someone in a wheelchair (who doesn’t have the issue of walking to their spot, they wheel themselves, so it is for some actually easier to get to the back 40 of a parking lot than someone with issues walking), I have to tilt my head and think “huh?”

    I see the logic, truly I do, but I have to agree with the doctor who says that it’s easier for a chair-bound person to get to the further spots than it is for me. Also, I remember (before my mom and I both got our placards) going to the store with my daddy, and seeing disabled plates parked in the regular spots, and seeing his frustration over someone who was entitled to the disabled spots taking up a regular spot that we needed.

    Therefore, I use my disabled placard whenever I go to the store. Because I see both sides of the frustration. I have fibro, arthritis, and asthma with problems with my feet and knees. I definitely have invisible illnesses.

  • Heather

    Erin, I too have had the doctor look at me like I have 10 heads. My primary is just that, primary and nothing else. For all my other issues I a sent to other doctors that has cost me thousands. As for the HS I use it all the time I can. I too have problems with people that “borrow” others HS and take the spots, calling the police does nothing here. I only got my HS after my back injury after work and my special needs son was on O2 at the time. He is 10 and being a single mama its not like he can go and get the car for me when I have walked too much or moved wrong. I have had the looks/stares/glares and dare them to say anything to me because they don’t know what is going on with me to make a judgment. I also had brain surgery last September so sometimes my head starts feeling funny and I need to get to the car quick before a migraine starts. Use it as you need it, those of you having trouble getting one get a second even a third opinion. They are there to help us out!

  • Jennifer

    We have a placard as my son uses a powerchair. We have a van with a ramp on the side. One of our biggest problems is when other people who have placards park like crap in the handicap spots. We have not been able to use many spots because someone has parked with part of their car in the area that is supposed to be for the ramp to open up in. We have also come out and not been able to lower the ramp as it would hit the other car or there is not enough room for the chair to make the turn onto the ramp. So I guess I’m writing this to remind everyone that if they don’t need the van accessible spot and there are regular handicap spots then try to use those. Also be aware that vans with ramps or lifts need that striped area in order to get out or into the vehicle. Thanks

  • Erin

    I have to convince my Doctor to write me a script for a handicapped parking space desperately! I have so much trouble and so little energy that by the time I make it to my destination I feel like I am going to die!
    My primary does not specialize in patients with severe CFS/hypothyroidism/degenerative disc disease/fibro& so half the time I feel like he looks at me as if i have ten heads when I bring in my notes, list of symptoms and my mother to my visits.

    My Notes… are for my questions I NEED to ask him during our visit. Yeah I’m concerned when strange symptoms start happening to me! Heck yeah I’ve got questions!

    List of symptoms…my LONG and RANDOM strange symptoms& occurrences. YUP, It’s fun having to pick and choose most important or “MAIN” symptoms when seeing a Dr. can’t make it through the whole thing (not with the amount of time they give)!

    -Mother…not only there for moral support, she is my “BRAIN”,
    organizer of labwork papers and translator.lol I cant remember anything anymore! Only to have minute with the dr. I’d never be able to relate my issues or concerns to the DR. in a cohesive manner! Thanks mom! You are the BEST! Oh also forgot to mention she is my driver. Yep without her I wouldn’t even make it to half of these ongoing appointments.

    Srry got off track a lil’… back to my DR.He thinks I am a crazy hypochondriac. Not only due to the fact I bring lists, questions, and my spokes-mother:) but also because I appear “normal” to the eye. (which I can assure you I am NOT).
    -I’m just a girl who feels real crummy almost everyday of her life. It’s truly a rarity to have a normal day anymore! Most of the time when i am able to “venture out” into the “real world” it IS mostly to see a doctor, specialist, or just get air and go for a short walk around my block…or (to the corner)

    I shudder to think what he will say when I ask for my handicapped parking script. Ugggh. It has been on my mind for sometime but I always FORGET to ask. Well, I’ll be seeing a Rheumatologist tomorrow and my primary Wednesday to go over some results…perhaps I will ask for it then. :O

  • Deborah, I don’t remember you interviewing me…Everything you said sounds just like me. I cried when I read your story. The only work I do is as a subsituted Arthritis Aquatics instructor at the YMCA. The warmer water has made it possible for me to move at all. I know what it feels like to dread getting out of bed each day not knowing if I will have enough “spoons” to make it through the day. I have a wonderful husband also, he is so understanding and helpful. My three daughters and granddaughter are also wonderful. I have made so many changes in my life in the past few years I can’t even begin to list them. The biggest one was to invest in a Kindle e-reader. Reading was something I really enjoyed but had to give up because of the Fibro. I’ve had it for over 20 years. My doctor doesn’t even touch me anymore. She knows it just hurts too much. I to have a handicap card, I use it when I’m having a flare or if there are no any reasonable close parking places. I to have gotten dirty looks but know that in my heart, that day I really need it. God bless you and good luck. Be true to yourself and know what is best for you…

  • Krista

    I have RA, Lupus, Fibro, Alopecia areata Universalis and sojgrens, i also have back sugery and the disks removed in the lumbar region. I have had handicapped plates for over 15 years ever since my back was broken and they said I would never walk without a wheel chair- I still stand upright and walk -slowly but I walk. My husband lost his leg over 20 years ago and has been in a wheel chair. I drive him everywhere- He gets upset when all the handicapped spots are taken but does not say anything because he knows -most of the time that they could be like me- they smile is painted on the outside but the pain is real. I only park my car in the handicapped spots when I really need to as I know from trying to retrieve my husbands wheelchair from the back of our truck and getting him back in when we are ready to go- that you have to have one of those spots if you are in a chair.
    I think they should make either more handicapped spots or different levels- certain spots for wheel chair bound folks and other handicapped spots- just as close for those of us who just cannot manage a long walk through a parking lot and then the shopping.

  • Syler Womack

    Yay, Miss Deborah! Me, too! I love you. Syler

  • Steph

    I keep coming back to the comments in here.
    The whole thing really has me thinking.
    I live in Germany and almost none of you commentors above would have gotten that placard in my country.
    The bar to get it ist much higher here.
    As a rule of thumb you could say that it is hard to get the placard for anyone not using a wheelchair. Even if you relie on a wheelchair the placard is not a given. They will check on the distance you can still walk. If you are able to walk more than 20 to 50 feet – no tag for you.
    I always thought handicapped parking should be eligible for more people.
    Your comments really have me thinking that the restrictive way things are being dealt with in Germany might be not so bad.

    Maybe I judge the situation for a very local point of view – there aren’t many handicapped parking slots and if all you people with energy problems and joint pain and….would take them up wheelchair users could as well stay at home in the first place.

    We really don’t habe any choice but to drive home again, if the desired parking space is occupied.

  • Lisa

    I think there are some people who think nobody really needs or deserves disabled parking, so they’re always on the lookout for people who don’t look “disabled enough” to use it.

    perfect example: My sister survived a 25-foot fall when she was 28, with a spinal cord injury. you would NOT believe the glares SHE would get when she pulled up in front of the drugstore and got her wheelchair out of the back of her pickup truck! folks looking at her as if to say HOW DARE YOU, YOUNG LADY?

  • Jules

    Bryan,
    I’m glad you’re an expert and all, but kindly shut up. I have my “good days” where I might technically not need my plates (yes, I have plates, not a temporary placard) but I’ve got Lupus. So, even on good days, guess who is allergic to the sun? That’s right, me. Guess who overheats easily, regardless of the actual level of physical activity? That would be me as well. As I live in southern Texas, it might be slightly overcast when I go into the store, but the sun could also be beating down. Even on overcast days I can still burn. In less than 5 minutes. With sunscreen. Yes, BURN. Not just get red, but actual burns and massive hives followed by fever, chills, throwing up and other fun symptoms. But you know what? The Department of Transportation GAVE me my plates after I explained further what exactly caused me to need a prescription for it. If they feel my multiple medical conditions warrant it, that’s all that matters. Funny you’re on a website which talks about invisible illnesses/conditions because, boy, you sure judge.

  • Crystal

    I have Cystic Fibrosis and Fibromyalgia. I’ve had a handicapped placard since I was in my teens, because when my CF flares up it’s difficult to walk far without a huge coughing fit, which makes it hard to run errands. I only use my tag when I NEED it, and even if I do feel I need it, I never take the last van accessable space, in case someone with a wheelchair needs it more. Sometimes it’s the only thing I have to help me go into the store, but if I’m feeling good that day, I don’t use it.

    I’ve never been stopped by a cop or yelled at, but I always get dirty looks when I use it. That’s because the people cutting me those looks can’t hear my gasping for air, or see how much pain I might be in. But the reactions of some people when they see me get out of my car make me feel humiliated… I don’t LOOK sick, and I look younger than my age (I’m 26) so they think some teenager is using someones else’s tag. I may not be in a wheelchair, or carry oxygen around with me (not yet, but it will happen one day…) but I’m still disabled and sometimes I really DO need to park closer. It’s just hard to make some people understand that.

    The days that I feel good enough NOT to use the handicapped tag, I feel excited! Now I just need to learn how to remember where I parked each time (darn that Fibro Fog) lol.

  • Bryan

    Just because you have a medical condition and your doctor may have given you a handicapped placard,, does not mean you need one. The rules are simple if you can walk on your own for more than 200 feet shorter in some states, then you may qualify for one. I am sure anyone can complain to your doctor your pain is so severe that you cannot walk but that still does not qualify you if you do not actually use the assistance of a cane or someone to make the maximum distance determined by your state you acquired your placard. PUT IT LIKE THIS IF AT THE TIME YOU USE A HANDICAPPED SPOT YOU DO NOT NEED ASSISTANCE THEN AT THAT TIME IT IS ILLEGAL TO PARK THERE EVEN IF YOU HAVE A HANDICAPPED PLACARD AND THE SPOT SHOULD BE RESERVED FOR SOMEONE WHO TRULY NEEDS THE SPOT.

    “These are the actual rules”
    To qualify for handicapped placards, an individual must have serious limitations in moving. He is unable to walk 200 feet without stopping due to arthritis, a neurological or orthopedic condition or other illness. He requires assistance from an individual or a device such as a cane or wheelchair to move. Individuals with a pulmonary or class three or four heart condition and those with portable oxygen also qualify. Other qualifying disabilities include blindness, low-vision, partial-sightedness, loss or loss of use of one or both lower extremities or both hands.

  • Mary

    I was told I had RA and Fibro, along with someother things. My Doc insisted that I get a handicap placard, however I always found it hard to use. Why you may ask? Because I always worry about the person in the wheelchair or an elderly person who may need it more than I. I will always try to get a close parking space before taking a handycap one. But when I need it, I will use it–however when I am really hurting I get my hubby or sons to drive me and drop me off, then they go and park the car and meet me in the store. However I am usually hard headed and instist on walking back to the car where ever they park it at (so they have learned to park close to the door). Mean while I am in pain because of just shopping. I use a cart to lean on while in the store and at times in the stores I get so confused on what I went in for I for get things, so I always have a list. When I walk out to the car I still have the cart with me. I do have a cane, but still only use it when I have too. When I am really bad, I just stay home.
    I hate to have people see me and feel sorry for me, so I avoid them when I am really bad. I found out that people have their own way of thinking and no matter what I say or do they will continue to think that way; They also have their own difficulties they are dealing with and dont really understand mine. All I can do is pray for them. But this condition is always with me, so I just put on a smile and keep going.

  • Joy

    Oh woe is we. I QUALIFY for a handicap placard– I’ve been disabled for a year now with ambulatory issues, fatigue and cognitive issues from RRMS. Vertigo also comes and goes, Whoa!

    I’ve been too sick to get to the Tax Dept/Transportation Dept. to OBTAIN the dang Handicap Tag, so I guess it’s not doing me much good to qualify for one! If I can get a RIDE to the Tag office, only then can I hope to dangle it in my car (or a friend’s car) and happily brave the nasty glares of strangers who “don’t understand.” Until then, I’m going nowhere fast and parking out there with the rest of them…. I hope the poor suckers see me comin! I DARE ’em to stare while I s-l-o-w-l-y get out of their way! HA!

  • Talon

    I’m thirty six. I’ve had a handicap placard for over four years now. I have ulcerative colitis.

    I’m almost 6ft tall and built big, and fat that keeps me out of the hospital during those flares where I lose 12 lbs in 8 days. (the first person who says “I wish I had your disease…” believe me, I’ve heard it alot.) Even when I look sick I look healthy. I got the placard for two reasons. And some people might not agree with one of them, but too bad.

    1) When I’m out alone, or with my daughter and I need the bathroom…RIGHT THEN…I don’t have time to search for a spot and then hopefully make it into the store and to the bathroom with my daughter, or by myself.

    2) But I’m also in chronic, excruciating pain. Besides my gut pain, which in and of itself can be crippling, I also have this lovely side effect called inflammatory peripheral arthritis. The worse my guts are, the worse my joints get. And it’s migratory. One summer I had it in my hips and ribs and shoulders, and even though I NEEDED my cane, I couldn’t use it because my torso wouldn’t support my use of it. So I hobbled. Slowly.

    I never know when it’s going to hit, or when it’s going to move. I’ve had my legs give out from under me out of nowhere because it shifted. When no one could diagnose me at first I SWORE it had to be psychosomatic. I was okay with that, if it hadn’t hurt SO. DAMNED. MUCH. I’d been a full contact athlete in my previous life; I know when I’ve injured myself, and I hadn’t.

    3) There’s a third reason, and that’s the fatigue. I’ve had to use the motorized carts, and gotten dirty looks for it. I’ve parked in the handicapped spaces, and gotten dirty looks because I actually follow the law and DON’T DRIVE WITH IT HANGING. I hang it up when I park; I put it in the visor pocket before I pull out. And you know what? Sometimes, in the brain fog, I forget to hang it. And I feel like a fucking schmuck because I report people all the time for parking in handicap spaces without a tag or a placard.

    Today, I might not be limping. But you won’t notice the stiff way I hold myself, and how exhausting it is because my RIB JOINTS are inflamed and every breath hurts, and every arm movement is more effort than it ought to be. I used to wear shorts in winter and park as far out as I could get. I used to bale hay and work with horses and do judo.

    Pick a fight with me about my handicap placard. Because I have enough anger in me to burn through enough spoons to go toe to toe with you over it. So long as I don’t have to chase you.

    I live in Michigan. I used to glory in cold weather. Now it’s just cold and it hurts and I’m freezing because I’m running a low grade fever all the freakin’ time.

    Ugh. This topic just gets me up in arms. I won’t even get into the fact that I qualify for a handicap placard (my doctor encouraged it) but I can’t get disability benefits.

  • Robby

    I am a 38 y/o man and, I have fibro, Reynaud’s Syndrome (poor circulation), Involuntary muscle movement (restless leg, but all over), and degenerative bone (resulting in a broke spinal vertebra where the spine connects to the hip bone, which results in pinched nerves). I have to use the HS every time, because I never know just how long I’ll be able to stand. I was in a store one time and it was a good day, as I was walking through the store a kid ran in front of my shopping cart and I had to stop short. Luckily there was a male employee walking close by, because I had to get him to hold me up and walk me to an area where I could sit down, and then had to send him to my van to get my pain meds. I have to drive a van because I can’t get in and out of a car without hurting myself. I too use a cane anytime I leave the house. At home I am comfortable and feel safe because there is always something I can grab if I am about to fall, or my legs get too weak to hold me up, but out in town that is rarely an option. It also helps with the looks, and I have had cops that would stop and wait for me to get out of the van, so they could tell if I actually needed the spot or not.
    My complaint however is those people that don’t even have a sticker, or that use someone else’s sticker to park in the HS, just because they are too lazy to walk. I have called the cops several times because of someone that wrongly parked in a HS. I have had people tell me they did not give a d— if I needed the spot or not, they were in a hurry, so I blocked them in until the cops got there.
    I agree if you need one get it, you don’t always have to park in the HS (I don’t if I can get close enough, or park in the one that is the farthermost away), but the days you do need it you’ll have it. Keep a copy of the Dr.’s prescription in the car if the cops question you. As far as the cruel idiots, I have learned to be a duck and let their comments roll off my back. It is hard to learn how to do this, but I have.

  • Ok I have fibromyalgia and a disabled parking placard. I wrote on my blog a true story that happened to my husband @ his workplace because of MY disabled parking placard: http://www.bignoise-enterprises.com/blog/2010/12/09/bully-for-you-bully-for-me/

  • Steph

    “And if you can, carry a cane with you. It may stop the comments, and it can be used for self defense if needed.”

    Ha, ha.
    I use a cane to walk a couple of feet in areas that are not wheelchair acessible. I certainly can’t use it for self defense as I would fall as soon as I lift my cane.
    I restrain myself from commenting on using a cane for the sole purpose of preventing remarks allthough I feel very tempted to…

  • Casey

    I had brain surgery a little over a year ago to remove a cyst. It took me nine months of complete exhaustion, balance issues, and frustration (couldn’t find my car due to short term memory loss) to finally ask my doctor for a prescription for a tag. I told her I felt awful even asking, that I know there are people who need them more than I do. Her response? “You had brain surgery,” and she gave me the prescription. People who see me walk into a store have no clue that there is anything wrong with me. The scars from the craniotomy are mostly covered by my hair. I often pass for a teenager (I’m 28), and, with the exception of a small limp from a broken ankle in July, look like there is nothing wrong with me. What they can’t see is that I use a basket for balance – even when I’m only getting 1 or 2 items. They don’t see that I often come home without what I went for (again – the memory thing.) I smile through the migraines. I smile through the backaches (I also have syringomyelia.) But, that doesn’t mean I’m not handicapped.

  • Yael

    I have FMS, CFS, and 3 herniated lumbar disks. As most of you, I do not look disabled. However, I have and use my handicap parking tag wherever I go. I may feel fine when I go into the store, but after walking and pushing the cart, then standing in line for who knows how long, I need the car close.

    Sure, some people make rude remarks and/or stare at me. For a couple of years I needed a cane to help me walk, and the rude comments stopped. Sometimes I have to use the electric wheelchair in the store, and having a cane helps prevent comments.

    A few years back I found a cane seat by Fairway Gear. It is also called “handy seat”. It opens into a little chair so I can sit while I wait in line or if I’m walking and get tired. It has made my life easier and I’m no longer home bound.

    At one time, I wouldn’t go shopping unless the store had electric wheelchairs because I can’t stand for longer than about 10 min without being in excruciating pain.

    Just get your handicapped placard and use it whenever you need it, even if it is all the time. And if you can, carry a cane with you. It may stop the comments, and it can be used for self defense if needed.

  • Rosemary

    Faith, you might check with another doctor. I had one tell me that and then he moved and I ended up going to another dr who asked me if I had applied for a tag! I had no trouble getting one. By the way, I’ve had to move a log lately and in the last 6 years have had tags in Texas, Louisiana, Kansas, Ohio and Indiana.

    It’s not the disease you have its the ability to walk that matters.

    And yes, I get the looks, have had the notes, been questioned by the police and don’t park in a handicap lot unless I need it, but, if you need it you need it. What secretly ticks me off is other people in the car saying things like, “Oh goody, you have a handicap tag!” They have to be suffering for excitment.

    Rosemary

  • Faith

    Yesterday I asked my doctor about getting a handicapped tag for my car and he said that because fibromyalgia is becoming more common the motor vehicle folks won’t give me one. I’m frustrated. I don’t need it at work as I park close to where I need to be but when we go shopping aside from not being able to walk after a shopping trip I can’t carry much for any distance.

  • Grace

    I have lupus and I rarely utilise my handicap sticker.
    One day I did as I needed to cash a cheque so that I would have money to pay for meds/treatment. There was not a parking space within a 5 minute walk so I parked in the handicap space. I had not been out of the house in weeks so used my time there to pick up some food.
    When I came back, there was a note on my windscreen which said “the driver of this vehicle is NOT disabled. You have been reported.” I cried all the way home.

    I just hope the authorities know whoever reported me knows jack all.

    I am not a fan of lupus but I think I hate the way other people react to the illness more. My body can’t help having lupus but people can help being cruel and judgmental.

  • Molly

    Similar to this has happened to me, but with the disabled lift at College (I don’t drive yet). I have JHMS, which varies in severity day by day.

    I was getting into the lift with a friend (I need to be accompanied to be helped out of the lift) and a boy stops right infront of the lift and shouts “Lazy cows using the lift, mind!”.

    I felt like crying. He wouldn’t dare say that about somebody in a wheelchair or on crutches using the lift, how does he have the right to say it about me? I feel embaressed enough using the lift and people watching, let alone the shouting drawing attention to me and making me look ‘lazy’.

  • Ed

    Probably the worst part is the harassment I’ve seen and had experience with from police & parking officers.

    Too often, they’re no better than the other examples cited here.

    When I was in college in the early 90s, I had a friend who had fibromyalgia. She was a few years older than me and had come back, after a divorce, to get her degree: a pretty brave thing when you consider the size of the campus and what an ambitious undertaking. To top that off, she had been in a car accident and due to the additional strain on her body (and damage to her vehicle that was being repaired) she wasn’t able to drive to school so we carpooled for a couple weeks while she and her vehicle recovered.

    She had a hang-tag that we used so we’d be parked conveniently for her – normally, I was perfectly fine to take the 1-2 mile hike from parking to my class. Additionally, we received a special permit to get into the disabled lots at the university, on top of the hang tag.

    And one day, as I was at the car waiting on her to arrive after classes, a police car pulls up. The hang tag was insufficient. The special parking permit didn’t matter. We were clearly perfectly healthy and no explanation was sufficient – I had to remove the vehicle and not return or I was being threatened with arrest. Not a citation: arrest, for refusing to move a vehicle that had lawful permits to park there because neither I nor my friend looked like we had anything wrong with us.

    I was a kid. I didn’t know any better.

    Today, I’d have recorded the conversation on my phone and called an attorney.

  • Geri

    I also have a tag & use it (I’m in a wheelchair). But that isn’t why I’m commenting.
    My son is now 25 and has had ankylosing spondylitis for 12 years. His dr recommended & signed for a tag for him six years ago when his pain level was so bad he became seriously depressed. You see, he can’t tolerate Rx pain or arthritis meds. There are days simply getting out of bed is nearly impossible for him. He looks healthy and puts on a good front but every step adds to his misery. He actually had people call the police on him for parking in a handicapped space. He was paged from the mall to his car where he had to provide proof that it was HIS tag. The whole time standing outside in bitter cold weather, causing him unbelievable pain. Oh yeah, he also has an immune deficiency, so ended up with severe bronchitis for the holidays! He now avoids going anywhere much of the time.

  • Arrakis

    I agree wholeheartedly with Steph. By all means use your Handicapped tag when you need to, but on your good days, forgo its use and make sure the folks who have wheelchairs have a place to park, too. I have MS and fibromyalgia, and have put off getting a Hanicapped tag until I absolutely need it. Nothing is more aggravating than people who abuse the Hansicapped spaces, but the idiots who question people who use them should mind their own business and SHUT UP!!

  • Steph

    Honestly – to me using or not using a handicapped parking slot should be depending on the strict need for it.
    So when you aren’t able to do your shopping or run your errands without using one of these spaces – use ist, regardless of the “invisibility” of your condition or the necessity of mobility aids.
    It’s up to you in the end.

    BUT if there are regular spaces close by and you are able to make the few extra meters – consider that there are people who can’t use a regular parking space at all (wheelchair riders,…) and are forced to wait until someone leaves.

  • Lisa

    This happened to me about a month ago. I have systemic sarcoidosis as well as fibromyalgia, and I have a knee replacement that was performed twice in the same knee, but affected due to the sarcoidosis in the synovial tissue. Bottom line, pain all over, problems in walking whenever the disease flares up, and fatigue. So I am 48, look as if I am in my 30s (makes the stares even worse).
    I park in the handicap parking space, legally, with decal and all showing, and I get stares sometimes from people. But last month outside of a restaurant, I was about to get into my car, and I man comes out of a restaurant, looks at me for a few awkward seconds, and gets into his car. He backs out and proceeds to yell at me LOUDLY, “It’s for the handicap IDIOT”! I was floored. it caught me off guard and it angered me. I grabbed my decal from the car and yelled back at him that I was handicapped and shook the decal at him. I felt so stupid. He had already zoomed away and out of my view and shouting distance. But I felt I had to fight back in some way.
    I am so tired of people categorizing others for what they should look like if they are handicapped or not. This is so irritating. But I will continue to use my decal, it has helped me so much with the distances and pain in my leg, and now my hip! My feet get affected at times my joints, all over. But the fatigue is so hard as well.
    Thanks for your article and giving me the ability to relate!

  • Leslee

    So yesterday this happened to me. Went shopping with my niece and daughter. I parked my car in the handicaped space. My neice and daughter were trying to help me with the automatic window on the passenger side, which would not roll all the way up. We finally decided to forget it and venture into the store. They walked in ahead of me. I was walking in the store when this older man was complaining about people using the handicaped space and how it just really ticks him off. I turned around and said”our you talking about me.” He said no those to young girls. I said “I have RA I take many medications for my Illness and I have a handicapped plate. This young man is with you and they are with me. You do not have to be a senior citizen to have a disability. He said “I apologize sorry for assuming.” I said I have had RA for 12 years now and it is very painful for me to walk. When I have enough spoons and can walk without parking in a handicaped space and I do. He looked at me like what are you talking about. My neice and daughter were in front of me just smiling. (Spoons).

←  Older Comments
Newer Comments  →