Book Review: The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability


I’ve been wanting to read this book ever since I first saw it for sale on a website I was already buying from and I couldn’t resist getting it. I found it to be a very interesting read and since it is extremely well written and laid out, it was also an easy read. Potentially tricky subjects are dealt with tact and sensitivity and the book offers very frank and practical advice.

The chapter headings are: Myths About Disability and Sex; Desire and Self-Esteem; Sexual Anatomy and Sexual Response; Communication; Sex with Ourselves; Sex with Others; Oral Sex; Penetration and Positioning; Sex Toys, Books, and Videos; Yoga and Tantric Sex; S/M; Sexual Health; Sexual Violence and Sexuality; Resources; and a Glossary of Gender and Sex Terms. There is a huge amount of information packed into this book!

Parts of the book are written for disabled people who are discovering their sexuality, but I would say that it could help most disabled people because of all the personal reassessment that comes along with developing a chronic illness or disability. For teenagers and young adults making their first forays into the world of sexuality while disabled, this book should be a must!

The only issue I had with this book was that in covering what seemed like every possible aspect, there wasn’t that much room left for detailed suggestions. However, the in-depth resource section is great and offers sources for more in-depth information on most of the subjects covered. It includes other resources in print and websites, as well as organizations.

Review by Lindsey Middlemiss,
‘The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability’ By Miriam Kaufman M.D., Cory Silverberg and Fran Odette

  • Jill


    I have this issue also. I finally explained to my husband that not having sex hurts me more, in all the ways that have been described. I also asked him not to assume I’m not up for it even though I’m limping around. I am almost always able to make adjustments, like pillows in the right place, different positions etc.

    I was able to request it at my local library in North Metro Georgia. I also found it on amazon for around $11.50

  • MiniMorg

    I will quite often be in too much pain or too tired for sex, or feel really unsexy because I’ve not been able to keep in shape enough. But if I let it go ahead…I can’t say the pain goes away but it sure helps lift my mood and totally relax my body 😀

  • Delores

    This seems like it would be an interesting read– although I’m afraid to peek at the cost!
    And yes– the benefits of intimacy and sex far outweigh the risk of actually getting hurt from it.
    –BUT I can say I had one instance where I actually hurt my “bad hip” so bad I had to go in for an injection! That was a fun explanation to the doctor!
    The chemical release in fact DOES help with pain– It’s our natural pain killer– THANK YOU GOD!
    Yes– Lori, you are right, feeling isolated and/or depressed etc can and will exacerbate physical pain– I’ve had the same issues.

  • Jenn

    Lori…my DH is much the same way…funny thing, intimacy with DH actually HELPS some of the pain go away…I already have a disease that can take away any sexy feeling (crohn’s) and then you add what prednisone does to the body…but this act makes me feel just a bit better!

  • Lori

    It seems that since my disability, my spouse has “assumed” that since I am in pain all the time from fibromyalgia, that sex would hurt me more. Just the opposite. The pain of not being intimate with the one I love hurts just as much as the physical pain. Has anyone else ever had this issue?

  • So many people assume that if you’re disabled, you’re asexual. But sex causes chemical changes that reduce pain, so is strongly recommended for those with chronic pain conditions.