The Spoon Theory written by Christine Miserandino

 

Please take the time to read Christine Miserandino’s personal story and analogy of what it is like to live with sickness or disability.

Click HERE to download “The Spoon Theory” in PDF format.

The Spoon Theory

by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

Cartoon image of Christine Miserandino holding a spoon
As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.”

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”.

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”.

© Christine Miserandino

*We have English, Spanish, French and Hebrew translations of “The Spoon Theory” available.

You may NOT publish or re-print this article without the written permission of Christine Miserandino and ButYouDontLookSick.com. Thank you.

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  • you can click the flag in the upper right corner of a post to let Discus know there is a problem with that post….

  • Fiona

    I love this post and have shared it with family who don’t understand why sometimes I can’t do the “little” things they ask of me.

    Could you possibly find a moderator to please go through these comments sometime and remove the creepy ones about miracle herbs and faith healers? I really think that’s inappropriate as hell and as this is a place where many people with chronic illnesses come they have a large pool of people to prey on with their crap. 🙁

  • Linda

    Me thinks you protest too much — you do appear to be
    very antagonistic and insulting. I agree I don’t know you. But
    it appears that way to me,

  • Patiokitty

    I’ve been using ‘spoons’ for a while now to explain how my mental illness affects my ability to get things done on daily basis. And tonight I had to explain it to my mother for the first time because I don’t think she has ever understood exactly how my mental illness affects my daily life and that it can mean that I simply cannot do things some days – I simply don’t have enough spoons.

  • Deborah Kyle

    Thanks for explaining The Spoon Theory! You need to put this on PINTEREST!! They are so many Fibro suffers there & I know they would love to have this on their Board! I know I would! Thanks!!

  • Donna Thiessen

    This was really good and a great way of explaining any illness that takes away your energy. I have fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue/arthritis and others and although most of my family is very understanding there are some that are not. This will be good to pass on to them.

  • Katrina Burrow

    Thank you! Finally my hubby understands my daughter’s & my life

  • Gyna Herrera

    Thank you so much for this..I’ve been reading a lot about that word “spoonie” & I never understood it until I read this..I’m new to this chronic illness thing. Now I feel like I know how to explain it perfectly, you are an inspiration!! #endometriosis #tmj #irondefanemia #sibo #celiacdisease #fibromyalgia #raynauds #vitDdef #possiblecrohns

  • Tambrain

    This is a wonderful way to explain Lupus. I live with Lupus and this puts into words how I feel but didn’t even know that is how I felt. Even my family members forget often that I am sick. Thank you so much for sharing!!

  • I now know how to explain what my wife was going through with her battles. We lost her in Feb 2013 to a brain tumor, but leading up to that, she lived with Sjogren’s Syndrome. We always seemed to be able to put on a smile before we walked out the door, which in hindsight was misleading. When you smile all the time, people are misled into believing that you aren ‘t suffering as much as you say you are. I believe that we should have walked around showing our true pain and weariness. This gives me a new way to explain it, so thank you so much.

  • Sara Lumley

    This made me cry. I have Chiari and this explained how I feel every day. I have only been symptomatic for about 2 years so I still struggle with doing too much now and paying for it later. Thank you for this great view on what it’s like to have a never ending problem.

  • TheSonicCenturion

    I want to write a blog post about this and how it made me feel. Could I link the article to give credit where it’s due?

  • 1donna14

    Thank you so much. at last i feel i can explain to my friends and family how i have to pace myself every minute of every day.

  • Sheri

    Well written and a perfect explanation what it’s like to live with lupus day in and day out.

  • Sorry Mona I am only now seeing your reply. I talk openly about my Ulcerative Colitis on my blog, please join me. http://www.colitisandme.blogspot.co.uk x

  • Regilu Götz

    I really know what you mean, I live that everyday, people see me smile and happy, they don’t know that I do it because I want to get through the day as soon as posible.

  • Tiredbear

    OMG! That’s IT! I have chronic fatigue and a whole slew of other problems due to a serious illness and the injury 5 and 6 years ago respectively. My sleep pattern (slowly progressing to it’s previous normal state, but still out of sync), my tendency to fall asleep on the couch without realizing I did, everything I do or don’t do every day is all affected by whether or not each activity takes away a spoon. I now do serious weight training in the gym to correct or decrease other chronic pains, but it will cost me a few spoons. Granted, it now Costs fewer spoons than it did a year ago. That ‘s better than 5 years ago, when one trip up the stairs just to use the bathroom would cost all or most of my spoons for the day. For me, thankfully, I am getting more spoons, but at an extremely gradual rate. I don’t know if I’ll ever return to my previous health or not. I may have to carefully balance activity and rest for the rest of my life. Some people in my life “get” that I’m not on a quick fix to recovery. But there are a few who have good intentions and solicite advice what what I need to do to “fix” my chronic fatigue. While their advice is good for some who always gets awarded a new supply of spoons, it’s not so simple for someone who never knows how many spoons she’ll have from one day to the next. I could never quite explain it so others can understand. Maybe partly because I didn’t fully understand it myself . I want that quick fix more than they ever could want it for me. Now I understand my own problem better. Thank you!

  • Jan

    Thank you Christine for sharing this with us. It helped me understand what was happening to me when I had Hashimotos Thyroiditis and helped me explain it to friends and employers. When I moved to another country where no one knew me it helped too. I have also led others to this site so they could read it when they are sick and feel no one understands. So many of them have said how much it has helped them explain their circumstances of their illness and how they cope. God bless you.

  • KellyG

    Thank you for taking the time to have this printed out. I have Celiac Sprue and RA – your explanation of how I too have been literally forced to slow down – some days even almost cease completely and just rest, was what occurred to me fully. People; family and friends, who used to know me as a ‘non-stop person’ – will at last know WHY I have become like I have. Bless you! SKG

  • Susan Precht

    I got it instantly. Whether you use spoons, batteries, or points the idea is to explain to our support group of close family and friends the different planning process we have to use each day to manage our productivity.

  • Susan Precht

    Thank you for this article. I have muscular dystrophy and a back injury. I emphasize with you because I also use a limited number of spoons each day. I have another idea to add. Sometimes I feel that I am able to keep a spoon, because family, friends, and even strangers offer to help me with a task, I hope you have these supporters helping you, also. You are in my prayers.

  • Sarah

    Dear Christine, I am sorry to hear you are in hospital and hope you will be feeling better again soon..thank you so much for positing the Spoon Theory..I have Graves Disease and cope with that day to day, but my brother has suffered with Lupus for the last 8 years, and now I really do have an understanding of what his life is like day to day, I will never take Spoons for granted again….thank you! x

  • Zrcalo Sveta

    Christina telles is just a troll and wants to start drama. I honestly dont believe she understands different perspectives or that things dont work for some people and do work for others.

  • GoodDay

    Thank you for this article. I’ve had such a hard time explaining myself to people when I just can’t do what I want or need to do because of my infirmities. They just don’t understand why my days are so much different than thiers when I “don’t even work.” It’s amazing to listen to my closest friends and family watch me struggle and then comment about how I should be just Johnny on the spot at any given moment. This spoon theory will help I think.

  • Tom & Donna

    I’ve lived with RA for 23 years. For 19 of those years, I’ve been a RN. I connected with The Spoon Theory immediately. I found it to be a perfect analogy to show the choices that we have to make every single day. I find, that before I even open my eyes each morning, I am already making a To Do” list based on how I’m feeling. My favorite “positive” quote for when I’m having a day is “it could be worse. At least I don’t have cancer.” While that is true, saying this to myself over & over again, does not take away the extreme fatigue,my pain, stiffness, the joint destructions, the tendon tears, the torn rotator cuffs, the missing toe joint due to erosion, the synovial cysts in both feet, knees, hips & wrists. I still have to push forward & try to have the most positive attitude that I can pull together. But as hard as I try to stay positive, there is always one person who says – “But you don’t look sick.” Another good one is “It’s only Arthritis, how bad can it be? I have it too. All you have to do is stay busy & not think about it.” I wish it were that easy. I sometimes wish that everyone had X-ray vision so that they could see the effects that this disease over the years. But then I remind myself that I don’t owe anyone an explanation. The one thing that I do wish is that people would learn about the diseases before passing judgement. For now, I’ll appreciate the spoons that I do have. The blessing of waking up,each morning & the true friends that offer real support, not pity or judgement. Wonderful story Christine Miserandino. May God bless each of you. Donna

  • thank you

  • Stephanie Rodger

    You can share the link.

  • NewNormalAdventures

    Your statement that “No one understands the spoon analogy unless they’ve already heard it” is clearly untrue. I have battled a debilitating, incurable chronic illness since I was a teenager. I had never heard the spoon theory until reading this today and I immediately got it and saw where the writer was going with it instantly. It perfectly describes how I have to plan my day and my life. And as someone who’s own family sometimes struggles to understand what I go through, this is extremely helpful in giving them a way to understand it as opposed just listing a rundown of my symptoms.

    I also laughed out loud at the implication that somehow the writer expects people to carry around a bunch of spoons in order to get the analogy across. I guess some people are more literal when they read things but anyway, that gave me a laugh.

  • Leah Michelle Hughes

    everyone is a bit of an exaduration I got it right away and I’ve only read it this once, now I sending this message on to my boyfriend because it’s exactly what I needed to help him understand what it feels like to be me

  • Lisa

    My daughter was v e r y sick with Lyme Disease, with several similarities, for over 7 years. She used a description similar to yours to try to help people understand when they asked. Do you remember the diet cards packet from many years ago (70’s) – you just moved them over from the left to the right when you ate your alloted amount. When you cards were all moved over you couldn’t eat any more. This much like your spoons – when your allotted cards/spoons are gone you don’t have any more reserve. I’m sure your example, too, will help other who ask….. it’s just interesting how few ask…….

  • Oz is here to stay!!

    Wow, that’s cool, what kinda herbs?

  • Mark Javorka

    Thank You, to the Author

  • Mona

    Hey Victoria… Thank you for sharing this… I also have ulcerative colitis and feel that there is additional stigma with this and other digestive diseases because it is not polite to talk about poop and people are embarrassed to know about it.. It is nice to know that others can understand…

  • DC, aka “Bucket”

    My dear friend, who has lupus, sent this to me. Or should I say shared it. I have my own invisible demons, and it was relevant, though not sure I will use the spoon analogy for my own attempts to explain them. Maybe I will. But it does give me and my friend another way to communicate with each other in our daily lives and time together. Time which more often than either of us would like, interrupted or interfered with by her or my “shit” as we sometimes refer to it. That analogy applies to a lot more than just lupus and my “shit”.
    I am often guilty of writing too much in a blog or email. I don’t always realize this until I have spent too much time distracted from other things (part of my “shit”). But I was compelled to write after reading some 20-30 comments (no, not compelled to read all 2504… now 2505 of them). One thing I find annoying about the string of blog comments by and about Christine Telles is ironic. (Christiine, you do sound kind of confrontational, not just engaging, but maybe that is how you write, not how you are in person) How about if we just let people make their comments, maybe reply once just to acknowledge any interaction with another contributor, then move on.
    There is much or little to learn from a story like this. It depends on where you are with your own life and in your own mind. But attacking the story, just one person’s sharing of a way to deal with things in everyday life that are more of a problem than other might realize, and that might help someone else deal with their own “shit”, is not much more than a waste of the essence of the article, which is…… drum roll………. time is precious, it is more apparent when you have a time theft in your life, especially one that steals your health. Treasure that time you have, whether it be in general or the bits and pieces we have with friends or doing things we enjoy. Even though we all do, try not to waste too much of it on ill feelings or bitterness. Allow yourself to feel up or down, but do it with consciousness, indulge your mind and body in the experiences of life.
    So Christine, and all your fans and antagonists, maybe you should just read on, move on, digest and apply the analogy for what it is worth (to you), or another one if you prefer (yes,, the battery analogy is useful too) and enjoy the life, the TIME you have, for it IS, without a doubt, very short, and getting shorter with each minute that passes.
    A message for my friend if she reads this….. Sky, I love you and your kindness and frankness and the way you touch my life. I can only hope the rest of you are as fortunate as I am to have my friend, Sky.

  • thank you

    thank you for this, it helped me understand more what my mom goes through as a cancer survivor & a person with multiple other health conditions. i think it’s such a clear and good analogy. i wish everyone here with daily conditions the absolute best in the world. <3

  • amy

    This was great. I don’t have Lupus, but I have Hashimoto’s. I feel like this relates to us as well. Every day is such a struggle. I don’t even know how I make it through the day half the time.

  • disqus_mLm4MA7EQ5

    As irritating as someone’s personality might be, I wouldn’t wish suffering in solitude on them. I just don’t have that in me.

  • Remy

    Christina, your character is not being “unjustly” attacked. I don’t know how you are in daily life, but everything you have said here have made you come across as genuinely unpleasant and spiteful. The fact that you can remain stubbornly blind to the flaws in your communication abilities is astounding, but then again, your life, your choices. I’m so glad that not all of us are like you.

  • Christina Telles

    If you paid attention, I replied to less than half the comments (18 made, 8, 9 with this one, responded to) to me. But when my character is unjustly attacked, I feel a need to respond.

  • Okporoko

    Christina, you don’t have to reply to every comment posted. Sometimes we walk away from what we can’t explain or fight for. A lot of people say it works for them and it is not stupid and nonsensical to them. It is to you, so please leave it at that. You attacked and you were attacked so let it go.

  • Megan Junnila

    I really enjoyed reading this article, despite how much I cried reading it. I am 25 years old was just recently diagnosed with lupus and I didn’t quite know how to explain it so people understood. I actually searched lupus and spoons after reading a reference to spoons in an article at my rheumatologist’s office and found this story. Thank you, Christine, for helping me and others explain to others what our lives are like. Thank you for helping others realize that every little thing in our lives that we accomplish, in each day, counts whether we are sick or not.

  • But can I share it on Facebook??

  • Truly Inspired

    I heard about your story earlier today and was rendered speechless. I realized how ungrateful I am of time, how I mock the idea of time wishing for more hours than there are, all going to waste most of the time. Reading your experience has given me inspiration, a new direction to my life– Thank you! I will definitely spread your experience with my friends- and maybe, just maybe we will all grow:)

  • Dilligafs

    After reading this part of the thread with growing incredulity at the increasingly obnoxious and hostile drivel being posted by one person something struck me. If you had only ever met one person with a long term and invisible condition, and that person was this threads unpleasant poster, then that would leave you with an impression about long term sufferers. This impression would not be a good one and would colour your view, treatment and opinion about us.

    Starting with an attack on a perfectly acceptable method of explaining the impact of long term invisible illness, followed by an attack on anyone who replied, speaks volumes about this person. For the first time since becoming long term ill I thoroughly wish that this person would suffer in silence, a silence that continues a lifetime. This might give the rest of us a chance to meet new people without the risk that they have been tarnished by this persons, or others of a similar
    outlook, odorous communications.

    I wish everyone else a successful outcome to their daily struggle.

  • tracy gallagher

    i am very sore and tired and you’ve just made me laugh christine. thankyou

  • chedawin

    I love this theory, It makes so much clear. I wasted so many spoons as a young woman and now as a nearly 60 woman, spoons have become so precious. I really get it and love the way you put this. Thank You!

  • Janie Collins

    This is beautiful. I don’t have Lupus, not that I know of anyway, but I do have Hughes Syndrome, so this is completely my life, and has been for years. I have had to put up with peoples judging looks, been accused of lying or worst yet, being lazy, all because I was only trying to take care of myself. I was instinctively caring for myself, even before I knew what my disease was, before it had a name. We need to get better at loving and being concerned for others, and not always so combative and competitive, sometimes there is only you, you well people are competing with, because we could never keep up, even if we wanted to. BE KIND, you never know what someone is living and striving through!

  • Ms Pam

    I think “The Spoon Theory” is absolutely lovely & a great way to get our point across to people that have no idea what it is like to have ongoing & never really ending health issues!! I could picture myself sitting in a restaurant with my BFF & explaining my life to her in this way…
    How can any of you turn this into a negative? Is it to take away someone else’s thunder? To bring more attention to yourself? How unfair of “you” to be mean about such a positive way to educate others about what we have to deal with day after day!

    Thank you Christine for taking the time to write this & for sharing it with the rest of us. You are obviously a very gifted & well spoken individual!

    I hope you all find your own PEACE in this life at no one elses expense!! Be well, smile much & appreciate the little things in life…

  • JJ

    Hey, Telles, i think you have lost a lot of points with all this typing. But maybe i spoke too (spoon)!

  • Ryan

    I’m 24, and I too suffer from invisible problems. Mine appear through crippling anxiety and depression, something I have never been able to explain to anyone, nor anyone has been able to explain to me. This theory, whilst obviously relevant to Lupus in the story, is a theory I will be attempting to put into practice the next time i’m asked to explain how it feels.

    You see it’s not relevant which mental illness, or physical illness you’re explaining using this theory, its the fact that as so many people have said, they can manipulate and change certain aspects in the theory to make it apply to their own predicament. Personally I found it easy to understand as has been said, people find it very easy to imagine things with objects they use every day i.e. ‘spoons’. The point is not to concentrate on the spoons, but the feeling of loss and impending doom (in my case) that losing spoons/batteries/marbles brings.

    It’s feeble arguing a case against something that is clearly helping so many people. I went through 12 months of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and it did absolutely nothing for me, but others swear by its techniques and methods. The spoon theory is obviously causing some split opinions here, but what’s important is that it is helping people to explain themselves to those that have never and still may never understand truly what loved ones are experiencing.

    When you openly criticise something that people take comfort in like you have in your posts Christina, I would expect people to be very defensive. It’s been 10 years since I was diagnosed with my labels, and to sit at a keyboard and tell me it’s nonsense or stupid when it’s in a minority of articles that actually attempt to explain with tangable objects and not just words. I think that’s disrespectful. Not only because this theory has been created by someone suffering with Lupus, who has opened her world for others to see, but because it has clearly helped so many peoples lives in the process.

    I hope one day you find whatever explanation you need that’s relevant to your own life. Afterall, we all deserve to be given the best shot at happiness possible right?

    Lastly, I don’t know if the original author of this reads the posts, and I must admit I haven’t trawled through every single post in this thread. But thank you to Christine Miserandino, for years I have tried to no avail to understand my own feelings and portray them to others. This gives me a shot, and for that I think you’re wonderful x

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