The Spoon Theory written by Christine Miserandino

 

Please take the time to read Christine Miserandino’s personal story and analogy of what it is like to live with sickness or disability.

Click HERE to download “The Spoon Theory” in PDF format.

The Spoon Theory

by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

Cartoon image of Christine Miserandino holding a spoon
As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.”

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”.

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”.

© Christine Miserandino

*We have English, Spanish, French and Hebrew translations of “The Spoon Theory” available.

You may NOT publish or re-print this article without the written permission of Christine Miserandino and ButYouDontLookSick.com. Thank you.

Now you can purchase small and large poster prints of “The Spoon Theory” from our Online Store! These posters will make a perfect “get well gift, or friendship/ I understand gift.” We also think it would make a perfect addition to any doctor’s office, or support group meeting room.

The Spoon Theory Large Poster – $22.99

The Spoon Theory Small Poster – $18.99

Most importantly, get one for yourself!

©2025butyoudontlooksick.com
←  Older Comments
Newer Comments  →
  • Gay Hearn

    My name Gay 3 yrs. ago I had a stroke and I walk w/a limp. my right side of m body feels like it weighs 2500 lbs.i have learned to liv w/his but about 2 wks. ago I started having sever pain in behind my right ribs and I was horribly sick could not get out of the bed. Finally my husband took me to the e..r. where they admitted me I had pancreatitis complicated from Hep c I still can not get out of bed I am far to weak. I am so depressed I have no ins. for treatment I don’t want to die and I want to live a good life I am only 53 depressed and sick to death of the bed and don’t know where to turn or what to do

  • Honey413

    <3 ty for sharing <3

  • Wendi Wood Armstrong

    OMG!!! Thank you!!! This helps explain things in a way I never have been able to! Thank you, thank you!

  • Emily4HL

    I don’t have lupus, but I have other, chronic health problems that make me live with limited spoons. I also have an incredible fiance who gives me more spoons every day.

    I feel incredibly blessed that when I can cook dinner, but not clean the pots, I can ask him to contribute a spoon from his healthy supply and he is almost always happy to do so. If I thought I had enough spoons for cooking, but it turns out that I don’t, I can tell him I need to sit down, ask him to take over, and give directions from the couch. On days like today, when I have a lovely winter cold, he asks if he can make my breakfast and my tea before going to work. It saves me spoons, makes me feel cherished, and lets me know that he understands. Sometimes when I’m upset at the end of the day that I’ve run out of energy before accomplishing what I wanted, he asks me what I wanted to do so we can pick off one of the tasks together.

    Sometimes I do struggle and feel guilty that he does more than I do and I have to admit I feel resentful from time to time–one can’t not wish they had the same ability as others, or that one had in the past. Mostly, I am grateful. I have to feel both of these extremes and everything in between. Critically, my fiance’s help, and that of some of my closest friends, also keeps me from borrowing against future spoons, which makes me stronger. People willing to lend me their spoons get me more days when I can chose to go to the theater, or the horse barn, or hiking.

    So in short, Z, now that you have made the effort to understand how your fiance feels, you can give your fiance spoons and love. Those are the best gifts!

  • Ann Mcintyre

    The reply to “But you don’t look sick” is : Thank you. It’s drugs and makeup.

  • Sharon Feifer

    Thank you for teaching me this theory. It may help me when I have to say I am sorry but I can’t make it today, especially when I wanted to be at an event so bad. But, I hurt more than I could possibly say.

  • Z

    My fiance was recently diagnose with lupus. I’ve been concerned because i don’t quite understand, and frustrated because i know there is a limited amount of good i can actually do in the situation. Reading this has really helped me immensely. I feel like even with a little knowledge or a small point of insight, i can better a better fperson for her in this. Thank you for posting this. It’s done more than all my research or visiting message boards. Thank you so much.

  • Debbie Reidy

    “I called you but I wanted you to read this! I just cried my way through it and I know a few of your friends could truly benefit from reading it 🙂 I love you mom your stronger then you give yourself credit and you inspire me to push myself further each day. Thank you and I love you so much.” I just receivedthis from my 23 yr old daughter, mom of 2 and pregnant with the 3rd. We both suffer from Fibromyalgia, where I suffer from that along with a whole body full of arthritis, chronic fatigue, adhd, ocd etc. She has no clue that she inspires me and if it were not for her and my grandkids life would be way worse. People look at me the same way saying but you don’t look sick. My reaction to that is am I, I have disorders and the 1 thing I always repeat to myself is it could be so much worse. My prayers go out to everyone with any kind of illness. I can relate to this article because the one thing I have a hard time with is knowing when enough is enough. Yes I have a few disorders but I refuse to let it beat me.

  • Leslie Pease

    This was very moving to read today. I have Multiple Sclerosis and am in the middle of a pretty major exacerbation. I think this is an excellent way to explain to people what it is like to suffer from a chronic illness. Thank you.

  • Bart Wijffels

    Thank you soooo much for this… I don’t have lupus and I realize that that is a blessing, but I struggle with fibro, fatigue, myself… and every day is a struggle, a battle, a strategic quest overthinking every detail (so obvious, oblivious and effortless to others who …don’t have to count spoons) and choosing and debating every step. I don’t now many who can grasp the concept of this very struggle that wears me down and makes me ‘edgy’ in more than one way, on the brink of too much awareness and/or too much depression. I’d be glad to translate it in Dutch if you’d like^^ Thanks (and I hope a positive comment can inspire you a little dessert spoon extra for today – to me at least it seems there are things that can give us extra spoons to make it through the day^^)

  • Linda

    I also have lupus. I enjoy that you shared this. I always don’t really share my illness to anyone other than just my family. I hate talking about it and explaining it because I know they won’t understand me or my situation cause I don’t look sick at all. But my days are ok. Usually the days that I am sick and feeling really tired or doesn’t feel good I stay home all day. I do have to limit myself of doing things that I want to do too which makes me sad and depress sometimes, but I think to myself that I have to learn to live my life like this and just move on. Sometimes it’s hard and make my choices because my family loves doing things like sports like and now I just watch. I have all kinds of problem with my health. You name it I prob have it. I pray to God that one day he will tAke all this pain and diseas away. I live in South Carolina and I don’t know anyone with lupus. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Suki

    as a sufferer of fibro for 10 yrs this article is brilliant! Really explains my everyday life and have saved it to show to all my family and the few friends that remain. Also please be cautious regarding the Mickel Therapy mentioned below – that is a blatant advertisement for a very expensive and UNPROVEN therapy based on UNPROVEN theories. Have read reviews of other sufferers who have attempted this therapy but who have been left devastatingly worse as a result – some told by their MT therapists after several sessions that they weren’t getting better because they weren’t “doing [the therapy] properly”. I wonder how many patients are told this and if their unsuccessful attempts are included in any statistics of the “success” rate of the MT and even if any statistics, independently verified, are available? Somehow I doubt it. From what I gather from those who have paid (dearly) for the therapy say it basically is based upon the assumption that we are making ourselves ill! Remember that there are people who have a vested interest who put these claims online for potential customers like us to see.

  • RosePhoenix

    Oh my goodness, someone else who has SID or SPD? I am not alone!!! I also have Crohn’s Disease, anxiety disorder (panic attacks triggered often by sensory overload), migraines, and acid reflux. I am NOT a healthy person, and I have good days and bad days. Some days I have a lot of spoons. Some days it feels like I have none.

  • Angela Wilson

    I suffered from severe M.E. for nineteen years, so for nineteen years ‘spoon counting’ dictated my every waking moment.. Then Mickel Therapy found its way into my life and after just eight sessions and four months I was well. Yes, WELL! I went on to train as a Mickel Therapist myself, so I now have the privilege and joy of helping others to get to be able to tell the same story. If you suffer from either M.E or Fibromyalgia PLEASE check out http://www.mickeltherapy.com It may sound a little offbeat but IT WORKS.

  • Sara Hunt

    This is brilliant! I always have trouble trying to make people understand what it’s like to have a chronic illness. I’m definitely going to be using the spoon theory from now on! Thank you for writing this! Hope you don’t mind me mentioning this on my blog! I want all my friends and family to understand this! – http://www.thegirlwithheartdisease.blogspot.com

  • Thames

    What part of my post did you not read. Did you not read where I take care of a woman who has nearly no spoons in a day? Did you not read where she has no choice of where she goes and what she does except for the help of other people and that is at their convenience? Did you not read that I suffer from COPD for decades and most of the time I don’t have but a few spoons myself? Oxygen doesn’t even help. At least some people can get some relief from their problems with pain pills or other meds. BTW, it is also chronic. I will probably die from it. Thanks for your prayers. I will pray for you too. My first comment still stands. Many people live with old age for decades with very few spoons..

    This will be my last post on this forum. I suffer, my wife suffers, and I usually don’t complain about it. But I thought I would simply join in and try. Never thought I would get shot down by people who think they have it worse than everybody else. I withdraw now, but I will pray for everyone here. Thanks for your responses.

  • Melinda

    Thames, aging has NOTHING to do with it. It is a chronic disease with pain, unbelievable fatigue, disorientation, muscle spasms, etc. You need to really spend some time with some chronically ill and live their life for 24 hrs and see if your opinion changes. Praying for you and people like you

  • Melinda

    I have had fibro for nearly fifteen (diagnosed) and each day is a challenge. To work and have time for family and husband and house work There is never enough spoons at the end of each day. I always need a couple of more spoons but we need to choose wisely and live our lives to the fullest each day of every year that God has given us to live.

  • Thames

    Forgiven. I understand that when people have as many problems as most here do, it gets pretty emotionally unbearable. I myself have COPD and it causes me to be depressed sometimes. And then I have to remember the people on this planet who have it so much worse than I do, and upon reading here, that would be most of you. Sometimes it takes a long time to remember that. My favorite phrase is, “This too shall pass.” And if you’re in Jesus, it will pass one way or another. Be blessed everybody.

  • VVanessaanessa

    Thames I am sorry about ur wife. And I am sorry I was quick to judge. May things get better for ur wife, poor thing.

  • Vanessa

    Sorry to say Thames but I don’t think you get it. With someone like me who has had MS since 21 yrs old and went through many disabilities such as inability to walk or even pee I don’t think you get it.

  • AimeeKay

    My husband of 10 years left myself and our 2 girls while I was in the hospital and 1st being diagnosed with CHF. Didn’t even tell me, but dropped the kids off at his parents, drained our bank account and moved out. I can understand were your ex is mad. She expected the for better part of the vows and never realized that there is a reason for the worse part and the in sickness part being included. As I said I can understand she is mad. I got mad a lot too. But she has no right to be mad at you. Maybe at the universe whatever, but not you. Like anyone would choose to be sick. Dont waste spoons on someone who obviously isn’t worth it. And Dont waste them beating yourself up. I hope you find people to populate your life who appreciate the spoons you have to give them.

  • Traci

    Thank you so much for sharing this. My big pet peeve right now is my dad who constantly is asking if I am feeling better or will say “when you feel better …..”. I have tried explaining it to him but no matter how I explain it he doesn’t get it.

  • Rachel

    I have sensory processing disorder (SPD), a neurological condition that impacts how I process sensory input like sound, sight, and movement. This post was shared by a friend of mine who saw similarities between it and my recent blog post about my “sensory banking account” (http://comingtosenses.blogspot.com/2014/01/deposit.html) – it was incredibly meaningful for me to read this. I live my life counting spoons because I quickly go from fine to unable to take in sensory input, sometimes without warning. I will absolutely be using this post to help explain my disorder to friends and family as well. THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS!

  • Thames

    I did not in any way demean you. It was very simply another aspect of the subject. I know what it’s like. My wife of 11 years has Osteogenisis Imperfect, a congenital disease. You really think you have it bad? The doctors said she would be dead before 3. By the time she was 5 years, they had quit counting the bone breaks at 500+. She will never have traditional sex and never a baby. Just the weight of carrying a child could break her back and other bones. Two legs and her right arm are disconnected because breaks didn’t heal properly. She lives, sleeps, and yes, even poops laying down in a wheelchair. BTW, I never gave my age. What makes you think I am old? Do you ever go get in your car to go somewhere? It takes 2 hours for her to get sitting up so she can just get into her wheelchair van. Then I have to drive with such care so as not to break her by hitting too large a bump in the road. One day I was helping her to slide up in her chair so we could wash her hair. It snapped her left leg. And she can’t even where a splint because the weight of it would break it somewhere else. One day she was sitting up and reached down to her toes to pull her foot up, and the leg broke. Due to no connected bone in three limbs, her strength is incredibly low. She also has scoliosis, which had bent her back and to the side. Her right lung is so jacked out of shape it is a very low percentage of her breathing ability. That makes for frequent pneumonia. She has made it to 45 last year and it is a miracle. I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Yes I am fully aware of what debilitating disease can do in the early stages of life, like from birth where she popped out with many broken bones from the birth. Her mother said she would know when she broke a bone in the womb because she would stop moving for days. At least you and others here have or have had some semblance of a somewhat normal life. And by the way, my original comment still holds true.

    PS She doesn’t get but a few spoons a day.

  • Ryan

    Hi, Tim. I haven’t had the chance to talk to another person with advanced DDD before, and find it makes me want to seek information. You see, I also have DDD, not quite advanced yet but close. I learned I had it at 18, I am now 20, almost 21. At 18 within months I was no longer able to get out of bed, or move at all, even while on nearly liver killing amounts of drugs for pain. I had to undergo surgery to remove my bulging disc in my lower back, and I got somewhat better. I was also born with spinal stenosis, or a narrow spinal canal if you don’t know the term. Any back problems I get are made worse by the stenosis. Luckily I have remained out of the hospital so far, but I find myself having to “count spoons” throughout the day because I feel like my joints, and body, betray me. I am scared, because as lucky as I have been to remain out of the hospital so far, I know that my future holds things in store because of my disease. I guess I’m asking, of what I could expect, and what to do, if anything, to prevent it or push it back.

  • M Jones

    Wow….that sure hit home & surmised how I feel. It’s all abt choices as the day progresses. Recently, I became angry that my days can’t just be “normal.” When I wake up @ 5am to start my day, I foolishly think I have unlimited spoons. Then Chiari says to “shut up” and put down my spoons.

  • Ellie

    This actually made me feel happy. None of my friends have serious medical conditions, and whenever I can’t do something with them because I’m in too much pain or I can’t move very well, they all say it’s okay, but they never really seem to understand and I always feel jealous because they can do so many different things and have less stress while I just sit on the side missing the time when I took everything for granted. Reading this made me feel less alone 🙂

  • Jessica

    Well that’s all great, try being a 22 year old woman that is post menopausal…that lost 2 babies along with her fertility and suffers everyday. I guess you could say that you’re fortunate that you’re “old” and not going through what most “old” people go through at such a young age. Kudos old man 🙂

  • Thames

    This is a great example. But I must remind everybody that you will nearly all go through this. It is called the chronic disease of aging.

  • doubtingthomas51

    Brilliant metaphor. Written with heart and mind.Thanks.

  • Raina Mermaid

    Beautiful. I have autoimmune as well and this really helps me illustrate to family and friends!

  • Sandra

    I hadn’t read this recently but 1st time, was reading from perspective of friend. Now & for long time, as longterm patient with fibromyalgia & lyme disease. I typically don’t have sufficient #’s of spoons to get dressed but when I do, know nothing dare be planned for next day. I cherish memories from years of endless spoons but now, well, supply never is enough. Thanks for sharing this again.
    Now this is asking for far too much info just to post comment- beyond exhausting! I have no clue what they want- give email, add requested password (too intrusive! but added), then says my email’s in system, am I already a member- I don’t know if I’m responding to your site because there’s history with ‘spoon theory’ or Voices of Fibromyalgia’ that added your link- that’s more likely but I see no instructions-easier to delete but that’s squandering a spoon! No! Will again, try to figure it out, better to be anonymous today- spoons are few, now nearly enough to get me to night.

  • Lisa

    Hi Lisa! There’s an old saying, “SEEING IS BELIEVING” . Most people are VISUAL LEARNERS (I’m a retired teacher-actually had to stop working because of my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome along with secondary conditions) not AUDITORY. Unfortunately that old saying doesn’t work for those of us with ” invisible diseases” . U are entitled to your feelings. You seem to be a “people pleaser” I WAS that way too. No more, because I gave ALL OF MY SPOONS AWAY and am slowly getting them back. Learning to say NO and taking care of yourself is vital to your very existence. Oh and chocolate always helps too! Gentle hugs PEGGIE

  • Tim

    Christine, thank you for that explanation, that theory, and for sharing your life. I have advanced degenerative disks disease, and over the last 14 years, I have lost ten disks, undergone two major surgeries and am now permanently disabled. I’m 55, and I have never had a way to explain how being sick felt to anyone else, not even those who say they have lost a disk or two. My disease has no cause or cure, and does not stop. I went from being well bodied, a strong young 41 year old, to a man that for all intensive purposes fights every moment to feel 55, in a body that is quickly approaching 85. Oh, dear one, you know how it feels, and I am only writing to tell you, you are not alone. That, and how very much I appreciate your sharing your story, I too found out, I’m not alone. Warmest regards, Tim

  • HJ

    I have high functioning autism, and I find this a great way to explain why I can meet up with someone for coffee in the morning, but not go out for lunch with my other friends that same day. Yay for social spoons?

  • Brian Reynolds

    r I have Crohns and RA. Last year I spent 274 days in the hospital. They removed a softball sized obstruction from my small bowel. 2 days later the staples broke open and I went septic for 12 hours. They operated for 6 hours to flush me out. But told my family I’d be lucky to make it. Over the next several months they put in 11 JP drains to try to drain off infections that started due to the sepsis. Both of my lungs collapsed when the doctors where attempting to biopsy them. I’m home now though I’ve had several repeat trips for dehydration or other complications. Anyway, today is my 4th wedding anniversary and the saddest thing a man could hear came across my text when I offered a Happy Anniversary I was told I deceived her 4 years ago because I was “healthy” then. Little did I know what would happen just a little more than a year after we married. I got a wonderful son from all this, but today there just isn’t any spoons. I sent her this story and she told me I haven’t had spoons in a long long time. Funny how things end up. One minute your on top of the world. Own your own business Own a beautiful home. Have a picture perfect life. But these strangers named RA and Crohns lurked in the background just waiting. She’s right I did deceive her. I just had no idea what was going to happen. Don’t ever lose count of your spoons. And always save at least one.

  • Brian Reynolds

    Keep fighting. I’ve had crohns for 14 years and spent 274 days in the hospital last year. Keep fighting.

  • Christine Oppt-in Hauser

    I have cancer and am doing alternative treatment instead of chemo and radiation, which are so out dated they kill more people than they cure. I never thought of the spoon Theory but I totally identify. There are so many things I am not able to do that I could before. I am older so age is a factor as well. I also do not look sick so I feel people just think I am good to do anything. I clearly am not then I get weird looks when I say I am not able to do that. I think I will re read the part about the spoons again. Thank You for writing this…

  • Katja

    I don’t have a physical disease per se, but I have autism, and there are many days where it’s a struggle to get through with any spoons left. Thank you for writing this.

  • Jim

    I had dermatomyositis for 5 years… and after a 5 year period of remission , it came back like the ugly snake it is and now I’m back on the meds and struggling to get up steps and out of chairs … but you know , I look normal , I appear healthy , I try to do every activity I can , but people , my friends , don’t have one clue of what goes on in my life everyday … the struggle with strength , mobility , and just trying to live normally , My own family doesn’t even know what it feels like to have this insidious , mean disease . Your story inspired me to endure and to try to explain what millions of us with myositis go through everyday .

  • Kh Rose

    I am putting together a blog post for my tea company. The first post seemed to decide to be it was going to be about chronic pain/illness and managing it. Your post here summed up and explained so very well… May I link this? Not going to copy paste or anything, I just want to link it.

  • Kelly

    After having spent so much time talking to countless doctors and nurses, you have made my day by explaining it so clearly. No matter how much someone studies diseases they can never understand it the way we do. I am 23 and have RA and sometimes it can be easier to just lie and say ‘I’m fine, just tired’ but if people truly understood what we go though I think it would make living with an invisible disease that much more bearable.

  • Tina Peoples

    I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your upcoming surgery. I hope your recovery time is speedy & as painless as possible.
    Praying for you from NC♥

  • Linda

    My friend just sent article to me. I have Crohns disease, and the spoon theory applies to me too. Except eating the wrong food can take away my whole day’s spoons. I’ve been told I am just using my disease as an excuse to be lazy.

  • Debbie McGee

    I would’ve never thought of this. I got osteoarthritis when I was 50, and I didn’t realize it would continue to worsen. I totally grasp the “spoon theory.” Pain is exhausting. It is hurtful. It diminishes the quality of your life. You become drained, not only physically, but emotionally as well. I am sure this wonderful “theory” that you have invented is understood by a multitude of people that fight their personal disease every day. Thank you for sharing!

  • Erica

    Oh yeah, nailed it on the head. I have chronic pain, and it makes perfect sense. Ill be using this analogy for the next little while.

  • debable

    You nailed it. I’ve been there with chemo. During a year with cancer, surgery, radiation, depression inducing meds, and cataracts, I got the most sympathy for a broken leg. The energy and pain thing does not improve with age. Thanks for sharing, so that some can understand.

  • AimeeKay

    Thank you. As I read this I started to cry. I have a heart condition and a problem with my back as well as recently being diagnosed with fibromyalgia (sp?) I was having a really hard day today I had a friend come over to lend me some of her ‘spoons’ and help me clean my house. Which still is horribly humiliating for me. Your theory and explanation helped me to feel not so bad and not so alone.
    I have never been able to so eloquently yet at the same time simple and easy to understand an explanation of how my day is. I wish everyone would be able to hear your spoon theory. And I really wish that they would be like your friend and be able to understand it. Thank you for sharing it.

  • Monique Ewing

    First time I heard of this theory, but it such an accurate account of how one feels when they are dealing with a chronic condition(s). I suffer from fibromyalgia, have a herniated and compressed nerve root in my L5/s1, and some degeneration in my spine as well as being a type II diabetic. I get so tired of having to explain myself to doctors, professors, friends and family that most of the time I feel like I am venting/complaining all of the time or I keep it to myself. This was a really great way to explain. I wish you the best.

←  Older Comments
Newer Comments  →