Pay no attention to the girl behind the smile -what I wish people knew about me.

 

Pay no attention to the girl behind the smile…

It has been said by many people that I am a very good actress. “But You Don’t Look Sick” seemed to be all I heard. Is this a good thing? Sometimes it is an appropriate thing to say after a speaking engagement, or when I used to act in class, etc. Most times I take it for the compliment it is, all the while smiling, knowing exactly what it doesn’t mean. It simply means I am not the woman/ the girl I was before. I “act” like a healthy person the best I can. I take on this role as if I will someday win an award for best portrayal of a healthy person. The downside, is that there is no trophy, there is no prize, I just end up alone with my feelings and everything I have kept inside. I act like I don’t care- but I do. I act like I am not scared, but I am.


Most people use the “acting” comments as a way to tell someone that they are outgoing, social, funny or even dare I say sparkle. There are those people who walk in a room and you know you want to hang out by them. Well, that is me. I have the funny story. I get groups of people up and laughing. I walk in not knowing a soul, and leave with everyone knowing my name. What they don’t know is that this really isn’t me. What you see is a very calculated illusion of the woman I want to be. I want to be everyones friend. By all means I hate the word illusions. I hate the tone it puts out there for others to decipher, but being plain old Christine is worse.
The illusions started small like putting on extra blush to cover up when my Lupus rash showed. Then I learned how to put on fake eye lashes to fill in when my hair started falling out. A little extra lip gloss goes a long way….It gets you farther if you remember to out it on. That is just some of the tips and ways of my disguise.
Now comes the real “art of War”- the real plan of attack. Before I go anywhere, I need to know if I am even able to drive. If I am not, can I get a ride. I need to plan to pack a huge (but cute) pocketbook to make sure it holds all my medications that I need, and my “in case of emergency” type things. Now with all this time that has past- I am already late to wherever I want to go. But now I still have to plan the outfit from the feet up, and base every choice on how good or bad I feel. Should I wear my hair down? Or is it falling out and maybe more will come out and embarrass me. Should I go spray tanning, or go all out with the make up to cover for the fact that I am a walking zombie that needs many layers of blush and concealer. Now onto the clothes…. well, will it be hot? cold? Does this night involve alot of sitting (ouch-pain) or standing/ walking which could put me in worse pain if given the wrong choice. Don ‘t even get me started on the big shoes decision.
I would rather say that I am fashionably late to a party by making up some lavish crazy story, which then draws the conversation close and the intensity closer. The truth is, If I was to ask you if you wanted to hang out with me – I know I would not be your first choice. I am not saying that to gain sympathy. I am saying it because everyone wants to mingle/ hang out with the sick girl— But god forbid something grows out of that chance meeting…. what now? Now I need to worry about if this person can handle my life, my choices, my energy highs and lows, The billions of things I am forced to obsess over on a daily basis. Normal healthy people obsess over shoes, shopping, what to eat, make up, TV shows, whatever. Don’t get me wrong… I enjoy all of those things too. I just can’t obsess, because I quite simply do not have the energy or time, or dependable pain free day to count on. I have no choice, I have to live my life different from everyone else around me. I have to think about just getting up out of bed. I need to think about my medication. Do I need to stand for long periods of time? Where is good for me to eat, transportation etc…. Just so many little things that people do not put much thought into at all.
I have thought about these things so many times, it is like living in a different world, with different issues, different priorities, and an entirely different language that I can only speak. There are times when I do let go and speak to my sick friends and it feels like a light bulb has gone off – or maybe a switch has been turned on – but I feel a level of understanding and pure comfort around the people who understand both me and the “acting” me. They know me both. They know that with me– you get the real and the fake- just to survive. If you are a good friend you can dig through the illusions and the crap and find me somewhere inside. What can I say, It is the “secret society of the sick” and I am proud but not lucky to be a member.

 
I hate people seeing me when I am sick and especially when I am looking sick. I really hate being pale, with faded eyes and with splotchy skin and bad hair. At least I know that some of these things are things I can work on, but others- they just are. I can’t make this big red blotchy rash go away. So I wear loads of make up or clothes that cover it up. That is my official secret. I am out! I choose what to wear based on how bad I look. I choose where to go, by how far is it. Can I safely drive there, will the people there want to see me and be happy or excited? Will I be able to leave without any financial issues or friendship ramifications. I hate walking around in public with a limp, or worse, a set of crutches, a cane or a wheelchair. I hate not being able to wear tall sexy shoes, because I can not walk in them. I hate trying to quickly think of the much cooler reason for having a cane, or wheelchair. I hate that I don’t know a cooler reason. I desperately wish I was cool.
Big bags are trendy right now. Which is great and very convenient for me as in this role I am playing. My character wears big bags that hold lots of stuff. No one would ever know what is in my bags. Unless one spilled over- which is a nightmare I have often. I pack up every possible medical bottle or device. I pack all kinds of makeup to make me look less ghostly. I bring emergency phone numbers, I bring EVERYTHING.
I do love my life, but I hate alot of things lately.
I hate having so much to say, to blog, to share but my hands hurt too much to type.
I hate popping pills, and having people ask me personal health questions that I don’t want to answer.
I hate that everyone thinks any time they talk to me is another opportunity to give unsolicited medical advice.
I hate living up to other people’s expectations of what a healthy person should be.
I hate living up to other people’s expectations of what being sick is.
I hate thinking about how or when I might die, because for me it might be a “when day” and not a “someday”.
I hate never feeling good enough, quick enough, pretty enough, or just “enough”.
I hate the term “damaged goods”.
I hate that I know my doctors better than I know my friends and some of my family.
I hate that no matter how hard people try, (or don’t try) They will never know the loneliness of being in a crowded room knowing you are the only one who tells time by pills, energy and spoons.
I hate people that are inconsiderate, and make plans without thinking of walking or come by unannounced when a phone call can help you so much.
I hate people who complain, “I need a nap”, “I need some caffeine, I have a headache”, “I have pms cramps”, or even better… “I have a cold… I am Ddddddyyyiing!”. These expressions need to be banned, because they do not
adequately describe how you are feeling and they belittle what pain and sickness I may be feeling.
I hate having to defend that I am a good mother,  daughter, sister, or friend.
Most of all lately, I hate people who judge, and give me advice, or questioning stares of how I handle my diagnosis, or my life.
Basically I hate letting people see the effects of my disease. I don’t care if they know that I’m sick, I just don’t want them to have to see it, or deal with it.


So I don’t let them. In a funny way this puts me more back in control. I get to pick who knows the real me. I get to pick who to share my soul with. I decide who to let in. This isn’t a pride thing for me. I don’t worry about people thinking I’m weak because I know I am stronger then I can even imagine. Despite my disease there has been nothing in my life that I didn’t want to accomplish that I didn’t find a way to. It is like the scene in the Wizard of Oz when the wizard (talking about himself, in a big booming voice) “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”. When you watch the movie- everyone knows that the little man and the wizard are one in the same. But because of his presence, his knowledge and might I even say his Sass, the people want to believe in him. He hides his flaws with his smarts and pizazz. My main reason for hiding my disease is that I don’t want a watered down life. I don’t want the simplest option given to me because somebody thinks I can’t handle any more. I want to decide.
I want you to like me and love me because I am a great person, not despite the lupus- but maybe because of it. Maybe having this disease taught me the skill of being a chameleon, mixed with the communication skills of a great counselor, added to a touch of structure and organization from living by the clock and the pills. Maybe I am cautious because I am scared. I live in two worlds- the world of the healthy- where I put my best face out and do anything my heart is set to and I also live in the land of the sick. Here I am understood, but I don’t have that much fun. I worry, I rest. I follow rules, and I live a life in pain. The unfortunate thing- is you really can’t live for very long in two worlds. It is a dizzying, exhausting dance to be two different people. I guess I have grown up a bit. I quite simply do not have the desire to act anymore for you. This is who I am. Good days and bad. Sometimes, there will be days where I am the funny, cute girl that you just can’t believe is sick. Then another day or week later- I may be that really sick girl who used to be funny. It’s all when you catch me.
I am doing my best.
I want to have one world with one life- no acting- just me. I make no excuses any more for my choices, my feelings, my health. I am trying. I am me.
I wish I could tell you all this and more, but sometimes I think the illusions are easier for you to live with. Let’s make a deal, you can pretend I am healthy, and I can pretend I am happy. I am sure it would work for some time… but would it really be working? Do you really care “How are you feeling” when you ask? Or do you want to he me mutter “fine.” There are so many things I wish people knew about me, but I won’t say, because you don’t ask and when you do, you’re not truly listening.

Pay no attention to the girl behind the smile…

 
Article written by Christine Miserandino, © butyoudontlooksick.com

©2024butyoudontlooksick.com
←  Older Comments
Newer Comments  →
  • torie

    I love it but its so true. brought a tear to my eye x

  • Turk

    It’s as if I wrote this. I am very fortunate to have family and friends who love me, for me. But, I hate to burden them with stuff like this. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in this.

  • Christine,

    Thank you so much for this . . . it is SO much the life we all live, hiding behind the smile, pretending as well as we can that everything is fine, and falling apart when no one can see us. It’s even harder when husbands and families are the ones who insist we’re “faking” or “aren’t that sick” (been there, done that, divorced the jacka**) because then we don’t even have the sanctuary of our own homes where we can relax and take off the mask.

    I remind myself every day how lucky I am that I have a husband and roommates who actually “get it” and accept that I really AM “that sick.” They let me take off the mask and be the “sick person” I am when I’m at home; but also allow me to do all I can, when I can. I wish that level of support for all of us. There really are “normals” out there that CAN handle it, I know because I live with three of them. (They are few and far between, and not easy to find, but don’t lose hope, they exist.)

  • Ena

    Wow… I think you were in my head and wrote what I hate and feel. All I am left with is wow.
    Thank you.

  • Tracy

    Thank you so much!! I was in tears by the time I got to the end of this. I don’t have Lupus but Pudendal Neuralgia. Most have never heard of it and since it’s nerve pain it can’t be “seen”. Even my docs don’t know much about it and I swear some days think I’m making this stuff up. I keep pasting a smile on my face along with my makeup to get through the day. That’s what most people see since they just can’t understand the pain. Thank you so much for putting this into words.

  • Marsha Rodriguez

    Your words make me feel both happy and sad. Happy that you were able to say exactly what I feel. The loneliness can be unbearable. What is the hardest of all is the hurt from my husband, kids, sister and many others that I loved and thought loved me. How did I become such a horrible person by getting this horrible illness?

  • you put into words what I have not been able to for 13 plus years. Thank you so much. I am sharing this with my family and friends. God bless you Christine. Thank you for letting me know that I am truly not alone, that there is absolutley someone out there that truly understands my day to day struggles.
    Sincerely,
    Deanna

  • Rainstar

    I don’t have Lupus so I can’t say I totally understand, but in some ways I do.

    I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. To put it in better terms – multiple personalities. When one is multiple, one has to be careful who knows and who doesn’t (there’s a reason this post does not have my “real name” on it). It can be dangerous for the information to get into the hands of employers. Even friends and family don’t always react well.

    When one is multiple, there’s generally a “main” alter who is the face of the system. This is the alter that most people are used to dealing with. But that’s not the only person I am! I, too, get tired of hiding behind the curtain and not being able to show the real me.

    I have seriously creative & special child alters, but there are very few people who can tolerate me switching in front of them. I have teens who experience teen angst and such which when you’re 16 the rest of the world thinks that’s fine but when the body is 35, ummm.. not so much.

    It makes every aspect of life difficult. Not as physically difficult as Lupus makes things, but emotionally and mentally difficult. There’s been many a time on holidays like Easter where my family has really wanted me to go to church with them before the family get together. But I have to choose between the two. I can’t do both. So I have to constantly ask which they would prefer I be at because I don’t have the energy to keep from switching in such different environments for a long time.

    Reading about your big bag made me half-smile because we also travel with a big bag of stuff. I have to be prepared. Not only do I need the basics like wallet, keys, migraine medication just in case, epipen for allergies and kleenex for allergies, but I also have to have things like a notebook and pen to write down things as we’re feeling them, a stuffie (stuffed animal) for the little ones, in case they get scared, etc. Depending on where we’re going and how long we’re going to be gone, it could also include things like granola bars/applesauce in case my little ones don’t want to eat much (they often go through times when they don’t want to chew much so we need soft foods like mashed potatoes and applesauce). Perhaps coloring books and crayons for the little ones as well as a regular book for the older alters in our system. It’s a lot to drag around, yes, but we’ve learned it’s worth it to help stop panic attacks.

    There’s still a huge stigma attached to so many illnesses and disorders. Maybe someone will read this and understand that we don’t always want to talk about personal things and that sometimes we just need friends who will sit quietly with us.

    Thanks for sharing this for those of us who can’t always outright share what we’re going through or don’t have the words to use to describe it!

  • Christine, you are a star! Thank you for this!

  • Kimberly Manuel

    Hey,I am a simple 39 year old wife of 24 years (married at 15 years old), mother of four boys,and a (forcibly)retired career woman of 15 years.I am unable to express myself in a way people will understand.Words don’t come easily for me.You give me a voice,where I had none.You validate my feelings, and give me encouragement.I have been backing myself into a deeper,darker,more lonely hole each day, like a crab in the sand, all the while throwing out bits of me,who I am,what I wish to accomplish,my dreams,my hopes,my socialization,my freedoms,even my sense of importance.Stumbling upon your site has helped me so much.I didn’t feel there was very many people out there like me:young ,at the height of my career,still raising my children(youngest was 3 when I had to quit work),just not ready to stop going to college,wanting to expand my knowledge, and myself,wanting to further my career.I needed this site and all the info in it never as much as right now.God’s timing is always perfect even if I am not.I have rheumatoid arthritis,diabetes type 2,fibromyalgia,asthma,sinus tachycardia, and dry eye syndrome.Well, I am getting a little long winded so I am going to go.The main reason I am commenting is to say thank you for the site,sharing your life story,and know you are touching the lives of many people in a positive way!

  • Arrakis

    Thanks for the article..I felt like I was reading my own writings! I have MS as well as fibro and osteoarthritis. I take narcotic pain meds, and even those don’t take care of the chronic pain. My husband is very helpful when he says things like “You just need to get some more or any exercise” or my special favorite “you’re becoming a junkie from all the dope you take”. Yet when I was at my worst he took care of me like nobody else ever could or would. When I had to quit work (in the medical field) people I had known for 15 years never called to even find out how I was or what was wrong. One sure finds out who their friends aren’t!
    I do manage to put on my happy face and makeup, and try to look my best..it makes ME feel better if I look better! Whats wrong with that?!

  • Kay Clem

    Thank you for your description of my life. I am sending this to all my friends who went through the Mayo Clinic Chronic Pain Management Program. And the comments by Liz were extraordinary — I think she is married to my husband. He thinks medication keeps me from sleeping — it is the pain. I cannot get comfortable and then I don’t want to keep flipping around in bed because I feel like I will wake him. Exactly how is being on the computer so horrible. I even saw a study the other day that it engages your mind more than just reading which helps to forestall the effects of Alzheimer’s or dementia. I have heard the exact comments from my husband over and over.

    Thanks for sharing. A friend sent the website to me and I will be back. Just like the Mayo program, it is wonderful to know others are having the same thoughts, feelings, and problems you are — especially to learn other methods of coping with them.

  • Brenda Jo G.

    I just recently found bydls.com and just want to say thank you! I wrote a note on Facebook way back in March 2010 that is almost a direct parallel to this post. Know that you are not alone feeling like the girl behind the smile.

  • Yolanda

    OGM!!! Thank you so much, their is someone that understands how I feel. The statement “You don’t look sick”, if they only knew how we really feel. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, I just want them to understand how I feel. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Helen Pylant

    My mother suffered with a chronic illness. She looked fine and healthy and she never stopped trying. I think she felt quilty on her bad days when she didn;t feel like doing anything. I have heard her many times make the statement ” I know I don’t look sick but I am”. Now I find myself in the same situation. I have health problems that are not going away, I’m will never recover from them. I have to live with them. My husband doesn’t understand the pain I suffer, he can’t see or feel my pain. Most of the time I don’t even let him know how bad it is because he thinks a bath or getting out of the house will make it better. In other words he doesn’t realize that it really is physical and not mental. Thanks for sharing your story, it helps to know that other people feel the same as I do.

  • Kara

    What an excellent post, Christine. Much of it expressed how I feel a good deal of the time!

  • Judy Bleecker

    How did you get into my mind and let the truth be told. Wow, what a powerful speech. I barely know you, and I really KNOW you, yes, we are all in this together.!

  • Marjorie Hufham

    Oh , thank you so very much Christine! I love you! You are one of the best writers I’ve ever read! The way you express your feelings, and my feelings is fantastic! You’ve made me feel much better! I have horrible pain most of the time and my hair breaks and falls out from my med.’s and the Scleroderma and severe Raynauds in my hands and feet. You can be so comical and deeply straight and stern. I come where you come from in so many ways ,and I know we are very different in alot of our needs. It has gotten late, so I must go. It always does because I do everything so slow,trying not to touch my sores on any thing slows me down,and then there’s the fatigue that will hit without any reason sometimes.I used to be fast a long time ago. But everything changed like a light-switch! It’s Nov.7th,2010

  • Khit

    WOW! Suddenly there is someone out there like me – different disease, same response… “but you don’t look sick.”

    I refuse to belittle other’s pain but there are times when I am sick to death of being sick and looking, believe it or not, like a young, twenty-something year old who is glowing and expecting her first child (belly and all – *half grin*). I WISH!

    Thanks so much for that post, suddenly, I don’t feel alone anymore.

  • Lanell

    I think you are my twin!!! Exactly how I feel. After 14 years of being sick, 20 surgeries and every medicine in the book, I was diagnosed with lupus 6 weeks ago!

  • dea

    you touched my heart bless you

  • Eliza

    the girl behind the smile is , well me too. To my self i have been thinking for years that I often hide behind a smile. The oscar i have given myself time after time. And somthimes i have thougth that maby I should show the sick me. But i have found that people dont whant to know. So its better to think one hides it by choice.

    But thanx. The storie was very very good. And today it helped me, not feeling so alone…
    I think there is many of us…

  • liz

    WOW…thanks for sharing this. I’ve been doing it for 15 years and I’m tired of pretending, too. I’m NOT well and I’m starting to think that I owe it to all of us to stop acting like I’m fine. If I’m too tired to fix my hair, cover my bald spots and my blemishes, I skip it.

    I used to dread trying to explain it to others, so I quit trying. I too hated hearing stuff like
    “You need to fast…drink wheat grass shots….take fish oil….”
    or
    “I felt like that, but then I did -fill in the blank- and now I’m better”
    yada yada yada

    In all those years I recall one sympathetic comment I got from a body builder. I told a group of guys at work that fibromyalgia caused me to have sore muscles all the time. He said, “Wow, that SUCKS” 🙂

    My own husband has said “You probably feel bad because of all the meds.”, and “that sounds like how I feel” and “Maybe if you spent less time on the computer…” But most of the time he wouldn’t say anything at all because he knew I’d get angry if he said what he was thinking. I had to face it…I sounded like a big whiner. One minute I’m going around the house doing things, acting like I’m OK with my fake good mood on, and the next minute I can’t do it anymore and I’m complaining, complaining, complaining. For a long stretch he was the only person I dumped everything on.

    So, I found other people like me and other outlets (like this) and I’m learning to communicate better. I have to. I’m getting worse and missing a lot of work. My husband is starting to get it. My boss is taring to get it.

    And you know what? I am too. Healthy people CAN’T know what we are living with. We shouldn’t expect them to. My mom always said, “Liz, don’t hate people, hate the things they do.” (However, she was a bit of martyr) We have every right to hate this, but hate will eat you up.

    If you can’t educate the ignorant you still have to try to forgive them. I hate being like this as much as any one of us, but I’m trying to learn to be happy and live well anyway. And I want to learn how to talk about it without getting angry or resentful when I hear ignorant comments.

    Don’t give up.

  • Tommy

    Wow, we sure hate alot of the same things, Christine. This is wonderful, and very touching.
    Right On.

  • rebecca seipp

    the act is exhausting. i’ve been doing it with rsd for 7 years now. it seems to get harder each year, but no one wants to be with the sick girl..you’re absolutely right. so i pretend. thank you so much for understanding.

  • isabelle janicaud

    thankyou…id better get back to the spotlight for the academy awards 😉

  • Nicole Danielle

    I read this particular article outloud to myself, and though these are not my words, they very well could have been. Thank-you, Christine. This is a beautiful work of art.

  • phyllis touchstone

    i recently (just this week) had a girlfriend ‘break up’ with me. she has given me every friday for over a year to run errands, play games, go out to lunch, read and discuss a book, so may things, she just couldnt make me well. she invested one day a week for over a year and i am still sick, still getting more diagnoses that make it all worse, i am still exhausted (i also have MS as well as lupus), i am still gimpy with a cane, a walker or a chair, i still cant keep up, i still have emotional break downs, i still have all the things wrong with me me that i had over a year ago when she started investing in me and i have the audacity to not improve at all with her investment! she decided i was not making enough deposits into out “friendship”, just withdrawals as she sees it. she was doing all the right things, just the wrong way. i am at fault in every thing our friendship was not. i am still sick. she couldnt make me better and she couldnt stand the strain of being with a chronically ill person one day a week. i hope she never has to walk a day in my flat, orthopedic shoes.

  • Jenny

    I’ve felt so alone and isolated lately, and your words have encouraged greatly to keep going. You helped me remember that I’m not alone in this dilemma, and all the pain and frustration is not uncommon. Thank you so much for your honesty, I truly appreciate it.

  • melissa

    A friend sent me your website and i am very grateful to her i was diagnosed with Lupus SLE about a year ago and i have felt so alone. My husband is very supportive. i also have Graves Disease and hashimotoes so i have had a few problems in the last 10 years but nothing prepared me for the pain and aggravation of Lupus. you are an inspiration thank you. i feel the same way like i am on a stage acting all the time for family and friends it sucks. at work the girls i work with are awsome ( i am a back office nurse in a doctors office) they watch out for me and keep me motivated. thank you for your inspirational words.

  • sara

    thank you for putting this “out there,” you’ve succeeded in making me feel like someone understands me and shares my challenges. the best part is that you shared all the emotion but none of the poor me that i hear so much of on other auto immune sites i visit. God bless and keep speaking for those of us who don’t have the ability to express ourselves quite so eloquently!

  • Kathy

    I almost thought I wrote this! Also thought I was alone and the only person in the world whom was up for the Academy award,for best actress(which my husband tells me aleast once a week.)Even had my daughter-in-law call be a hypochondriac,behind my back,because I chose to let her in on my “secret” The Secret Society Of The Sick,needs to become a reality! It would be a kind of a “come as you are party”, no makeup,fancy threads,and I could wear my sandals with socks in the dead of winter! Thank you very much for letting me and many others we are not alone!!!

    God Bless you
    Kathy

  • Lori

    As I read your story just now for the first time, all I can do is just cry. I cry becase it was like reading my life story and innermost feelings that I have never had the guts to put on paper myself. With the exception of the fact that I have Chronic Lyme Disease, and you have Lupus, the symptoms and daily frustrations are almost identical. I cry because on one hand I am relieved to have at least one person in this world who gets it. I mean truly gets it! But on the other hand that also means that you have to be feeling the type of pain that I am experiencing, and no one in this world deserves to feel this kind of pain or suffer this much. Thank you so much for sharing your words.
    God Bless,
    Lori

  • Michelle Hooper

    WOW…This is great!! This is right up there with ‘The Spoon Theory’…
    I feel this way all the time…
    Great job Christine!

  • RH

    I can not tell you what your stories do to help me understand what she goes through on a daily basis!!! I think that the strength and hope she gives to me is just shy of a miracle!!! You are all miracles!!!! She is the exact person that you talked about in the story and so many people don’t know how to look past it!! I see the woman inside and i try and feel her pain and take it away even if its just for a while. I wish i could do more i wished i had a 1000 spoons just so i could give something back!!! But untill then i just keep being there for her and when she need someone i am there and ready!!! Love Hers!!!!!!!

  • Tammie

    I seriously could have written this almost verbatim…..

  • Mary Spila

    Thank you. I keep forgetting I am not the only person “acting” my way through life. I have the added joy of adding RA to my Lupus.

    Damn, I still feel guilty about not having the strength to do things I want to do, and not being able to commit to things because I don’t know if I will be physically able to do them when the time comes.

    Thank you.

  • Sara

    i love it. thank you so much for sharing.

  • Lisa

    My Best Friend has RA and I try so hard to understand so I can be there for her. I know I will never trully understand what it is like to have RA but your words give me a new perspective. Thank you!

  • WE choose to be alone and now you have explained, better then I, WHY..

  • Robin

    That truly touched me. I feel exactly the same way every day of my life. Thank you for sharing!

  • Shirley

    Wow Christine! It is almost as if I wrote this myself. Thanks for keeping it real. I am praying for you and all of my brothers & sisters who suffer with chronic pain and all that comes with it.

  • Pennie

    I want to thank yo uso much for being so honest and sharing your thoughts with us. I feel so much of what you wrote and it has brightened my day to know I am not the only one feeling like that. I have given up on relationships excet my “true” friends. Boy, do you find out who they are when you are sick. I pray and hope that you are not in too much pain today!!! God bless you and thank you again for making me feel NOT alone.

  • ROBIN

    hmmm, i’m still dancing….

  • Nancy G.

    I’ve been on this “STAGE” for the last 30 years, and if I’m really honest, even as a child I was pretending I felt better than I did. I think I’ve given up on RELATIONSHIPS except with SICK people. They will just never, ever get it, and I understand that now. It doesn’t make it any easier, and it’s LONELY, but I’m tired of the DANCE and FRUSTRATION !

  • linda hooper

    Thank you for expressing the mqny things I feel with my battle with Fibro.
    Some days I try to fake it til I make it… others it’s take me as I am and if you don’t like what you see, well theres the door. I need supportive friends that really care and listen when I reply to the question “how are you today?”
    Sometimes I have only the energy to stay in bed with this laptop and that will have to be ok…because sometimes I just need some supportive company.

    Thanks, i couldn’t have said it better.

    linda

  • Mary

    Thanks for sharing your feelings! It helps to know I am not alone!

  • Melissa

    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS!!!

  • Patricia

    I am so glad my friend sent me this. I can relate so much. Thank you for being so honest. 🙂 I don’t feel alone.

  • Terri

    I love this. Thank you, Christine.

←  Older Comments
Newer Comments  →