Sick Humor: The top ten worst suggestions commonly given to someone with a chronic illness

 

Sometimes you just gotta have a sense of humor!


The top ten worst suggestions commonly given to someone with a chronic illness:
1)Have you tried holistic options? (many. I’ll bring it back up with my doctor on my next visit, thanks.)
2) Could it be your stress? (My opinion is, it is my illness. I’ll bring it up with my doctor though, thanks.)
3) Could it have to do with the altitude? (I’ll bring it up with my doctor…thanks.)
4) I read in {insert any generic magazine here} about a new medication. Have you heard about it? (I was on it when it came out 17 years ago. but I’ll bring it up with my doctor. thank you.)
5) Have you thought about being in a trial study? (I’ll ask my doctor. thanks?)
6) WOW. If I were you, I don’t know what I would do. I might just kill myself. (Thanks?)
7) Have they found what is causing the problem? (no. my doctor is an idiot. I’ll remind him, thanks!)
8) Have you tried hypnosis? (I’m still sick, but when the phone rings I bark like a dog.)
9) Have you googled your illness? (….no! thanks!)
10 Have you ever thought you were getting sick because you haven’t wrapped your house in aluminum foil because, you know, the aliens have been bugging our houses for the past 30 years and in some cases, making people really sick. I read on…..gee I lost the web site. but it’s true! I heard it from Sally’s cousin’s sister-in- law. And then every time you use deodorant you would think you would be warding off these bugging rays, but it still makes it worse, so you are not being pro-active to your health by wearing that deodorant. I can’t believe you! If you wanted to get better you would stop wearing deodorant..(voice gets fainter and fainter the further you just walk away.) THANKS!!!!!!!!!!
Article written by Amy-Beth Maran , © 2007 butyoudontlooksick.com

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  • Yvonne

    After ready the ‘spoon theory’, I have a better understanding.

    I am grateful that it was written and even more grateful that a friend sent me to the site to read it.

    I have a much stronger appreciation for her disease.

    I will be sending her an ‘extra’ spoon for her birthday.

    Thank you.

  • kalanamama

    sylvia, my husband walked went out for a tank of gas and never came home, called my then nine year old son as I was in the shower and told him he didn’t live with us anymore! Apparently, all those nights and days at his bedside and dealing with hospitals, doctors, tests, etc during his emphysema did not mean that “In sickness and in health” was more than lip service for him and a one way street for me. oy I can not imagine the hardships of a disabled daughter and a jerk’s cold blooded girlfriend move in, so I send you my prayers for a life of kindness and laughter. xoc

  • Erin

    In desperation one cold snowy evening I googled Fibro treatments and found this website. Even though it does not take away the pain, there is something definitely helpful in reading some of the uplifting comments of many of my fellow chronic pain sufferers. Like so many of you, very few people around me know (or if they do know, understand) what it is like to live with chronic pain. I used to wonder myself how people did it, pre my own diagnosis of fibro and arthritis. Now I know. One day at a time. Lots of prayer and a wonderful husband who, although he doesn’t understand how it feels, tries so hard to reduce the impact. I pray that each of you has at least one person who they can turn to just to listen. Thank you too for the spoon theory. I haven’t really bothered to explain it to many people because they won’t understand, but that certainly comes very close to explaining how I manage my own life. God bless each of you as you walk your own path … I always remind myself that there are so many people worse off and by praying for them, I know I strengthen myself.

  • Ian Munro

    I’ve suffered with severe CRPS for 14 yrs which was originally caused by a plaster cast being applied too tight to a broken wrist which eventually destroyed the nerves in my wrist. I’ve been through all the available opiates and am currently taking methadone as a last hope pain killer.

    I have a spinal cord stimulator fitted but unfortunately I contracted MRSA whilst in the operating theatre, and although, after 10 months of treatment, I was declared MRSA free, I’m still feeling the after effects more than five years down the line.

    One of the many side effects is because of the scar tissue that was left behind by the infection, from time to time my bladder goes into retention and I have no alternative but to go to the A+E in agony and have a catheter fitted. The nurses in the A+E dept are great and know me well. They understand my many problems and make sure I never have to wait in the waiting room for long with a bursting bladder. The problems start when you get in the cubicle and then have to wait whilst the junior doctor finishes off his chat with the student nurses. Next he starts asking every question imaginable about my condition until he finally inserts the catheter. If I wasn’t in so much pain, I would give a rye smile because 9 times out of 10, they insert the tube b4 attaching the collection bag and get sprayed with 1litre of urine under high pressure then turns to me and says. “goodness, you really needed that didn’t you”

    After a particulary bad few weeks with a few visits to the A+E I was taken straight through into my cubicle followed by the most senior doctor on duty that day. Imagine my surprise when, instead of him offering to relieve my bladder as quick as possible, he decided to give me a lecture on my “misuse of the emergency services and wasting the NHS money that they couldn’t afford to waste” rest assured that doctor never accused me of wasting his time again after an official letter of complaint was sent to the hospital chief executive the following morning!

  • Neisha

    Reading this touches me. The thing that I dislike is people feel like just because I smile and choose to try to live as happy of a life as possible, that I must be completely ok with my disability. No, I try to maintain a positive attitude because I have a 5 year old daughter who needs a mom who is relatively sane (sometimes lol). I live in pain and because I HATE taking medicine, I don’t really take anything for it. It stinks when I can’t just jump up and take my child somewhere because I don’t have the transportation. They don’t realize that all the things that they are saying to help aren’t really helping because I am doing the best I can and thats all that I can do.

  • mrscfmr

    Hello, I just stumbled on this site and I am so glad I did. These topics describe my situations to a tee. I didnt realize how many people actually really understand how I feel. I had a stroke,as did someone who posted, which left me with 60% loss of use on my left side for starters and I have a variety of other issues which cause me to not only be in pain,but keep me from walking so i must use a wheelchair to be able to be on the go and get things done. I get so tired of hearing from folks, “get off your lazy butt and get something done” and “if you were any lazier………” Why don’t you all just “get it’ already. This should sum it up pretty well…..there is a huge difference between the life I live and the life I want to live and if I could do more I would but I can’t. On the subject about the doctors, I could write a book on this but I wont do it here…..however i will say that I have walked out of more than a few drs. offices due to stupidity and basic inconsideration for someone who suffers severly from conditions which are painful and debiliating. This is a quote directly from a supposedly highly recomended dr. that i went to about 5 yrs ago. He evaluated me for 4 visits, I asked him what my diagnosis was, then he said to me “You arent gonna die any sooner han normal, but you will be miserable for the rest of your life and there’s nothing I can do about it” I left there crying my eyes out thinking about the words he said and my blood just boiling inside. I tried ignoring my health issues which is just not possible when you have chronic pain and the inability to function in life.I have since visited a variety of drs including my internal medicine doctor, neurologists. orthopedist,rheumatologist and an endocrinologist, all of which have run numerous tests,mri’s,cat scans, blood work, spinal tap and so on. They do find physical problems that they can see and they seem to listen to me pretty well all things cosidered, but since some of the tests are negative for the suspected illness, they seem to have no real diagnosis for me, basically offering me to try different things to see if they make me feel better or not. Most of the medications have side effects that are worse than the problem I started with. between people who just don’t get it and these unknowledgable doctors, I am really fed up. I I try to put on a happy face and keep on going but it is so hard. Just had to put my story out here and I for as much worth as it can be, i feel a little better to know that I am not alone on these subjects. I have a great family and a few true friends who help me get thru the tough times, which makes it worth trying but unless you have these kinds of problems, they cant fully understand how bad it really is. Thanks for reading my post and best of luck to all who suffer.

  • JudiPatooti

    Years ago I had someone from my church tell me I was sick (I have a genetic kidney disease that has since left me with no kidney function, dialysis and then two transplants) because I didn’t have enough faith! I still remember that hurtful comment well.

  • Serina

    1) this is great. my grandmother actually has some not-too-serious chronic illness AND is the person who batters me with these “helpful tips” repeatedly.

    2) the story that sticks in my head is one of my childhood doctors. my mother and myself were both patients of hers and she had the same disorder that we do, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. she had dealt with severe chronic pain and dislocations/hernias/etc all her life and listened to every single thing we had to say. she died because she wanted the pain to go away. unable to move, with no one to help her even get to the bathroom, she laid there for hours until it was too much. i have felt so shamed by doctors that when i finally got to the pain management clinic and saw the doctors (both pain doc and psych) after they did the physical exam (pulling joints out, stretching skin, etc) they said just do more PT and i left and never went back. i have been told “yes, you dislocate, but it doesn’t hurt”. so you think having your limbs ripped out of socket feels good? sometimes i’d like to dislocate half of their joints, sublux a few and tell them “now you have to get changed, ready, get to your appointment and keep a smile on your face so YOUR doctor doesn’t think you’re too crabby and therefor a drug seeker who ran out.

  • Springdot

    Do you know what? I moved house eighyt years ago and moved from a valley (The Lea Valley) to a place with a higher altitude. My Systemic Sclerosis (Scleroderma) was really bad in my last home. Now it’s still quite debilitating but not only do I feel much better, my blood results have shown an improvement! So you might hear me telling people about the changes that altitude (no 3) has brought to my life. However I would NEVER suggest it to a fellow sufferer, we are all different – and we have all tried loads of different things, some of which work, most of which don’t.

  • (x) Did you ever consider vitamin D? It cured my fibromyalgia. (Chances are, it cured your vitamin D deficiency, and any doctor worth a darn tests all chronic pain patients for vitamin D on a regular basis.)

    (x+1) Have you ever just gotten out of bed in the morning and taken a cold shower to wake you up? (Ah! Brilliant cure for chronic fatigue.)

    (x+2) You have sick house syndrome.

    (x+3) Have you tried the Hallelujah Diet?

    (x+4) Let me sell you these hologram stickers that treat pain, fatigue, depression, constipation, geriatric pregnancy, warts, and the common cold. (I’m not buying any, but I’ll try a free sample for sure. didn’t help, but damn, I WILL try anything.)

    (x+5) [From the doctor] Do you really want to be on pain medicine the rest of your life? (HELL YES if I continue to have pain. It’s a helluva lot better than having to take Cymbalta for the rest of my life, which did nothing for my pain but really screwed up my brain.)

    Many of these gems have come from people we care about and who care about us, and really do come from a place of wanting to help. My doctor (just above) has been a huge help to me, and the next thing he said to me was “Well, don’t worry. I’ll never pull the rug out from under you.”

    And so, while I think it’s true that much of this stuff is well-intentioned, I find it a huge relief to share such experiences with people who’ve gone through it too.

    And I am terribly sorry to all of you who have been mistreated by the medical community, friends, or family. You have us here.

    <3 <3 <3

  • Lynne Bruner

    posts like this help me remember that if I need to spend time in bed or on the couch it is ok because I really am sick and feel like crap!

  • MiniMorg

    I have CFS and Fibro. I was resting on the sofa really zonked out when I was just told;
    “How can you be so tired you haven’t done anything all day!” (even though she knows how my condition affects me and had recently been explaining it to somebody else who stopped over the house)

    I also have probs with my temperature being cold all the time (sometimes going blue) and get told “its because you don’t do anything!”
    Really? Gee! So when I am working and I get tired and my hands go blue with cold I will just jog on the spot in the middle of a classroom. Yeah ! 😀

  • JP

    Reading this is both inspiring and aggravating.

    I am relatively new to the chronic illness scene…at least I’m new to thinking that I CAN actually do something about this.

    I, too, was a volunteer “queen” when I was struck down with OA/CFS/FM.

    Yet a doctor last year told me (not in so many words) that I was a bored middle-aged housewife who needed a life. I was so fogged that it wasn’t until I was nearly home that the urge to knock him on the head hit me! I probably shouldn’t have been driving that day…

    Love the spoon theory. I will send this to some people who really don’t ‘get’ the new me, and to some people who understand all too well.

  • Kelly

    Carrie – regarding endo, I had both (inside and outside the uterus). The only way to find it is to do the laprascopy. I know some women simply have the endo scraped out, but this does not keep it from coming back. I did 6 months of Lupron shots, which shrunk the endo but didn’t do anything for all the scar tissue I had. The only way to keep the endo from coming back is to have a total hysterectomy, which is what I had done. I spent 4 years in severe pain and had a doctor who didn’t want me to be on pain meds. I had blood filled cysts bigger than my hand and they would burst, my entire leg would shake when that happened. That’s when I went to a specialist, who put me on pain meds until my surgery date. I promised my kids that after the surgery, I would be able to play with them & run around with them. I felt ok for a little while. Then 2 years later, I found out I have Sjogren’s Syndrome & Lupus. But the endo pain is completely gone. Go see a specialist, it makes a huge difference.

  • Mac

    Try this one that I hear all the time about my Parkinson’s: ” Have you applied at Home Depot as a paint shaker”

  • Mac

    I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s while on active duty with the Army. I was 43 when diagnosed. I lost my career of 25 years, my car was reposed, I lost my house and my wife left me and took my daughter after calling me a hypochondriac. I also have siezures and suffer from PTSD and depression. (quite a mess!) I cried so hard the day my orders came in that I couldn’t even see to drive. It was at that time of my illness that I decided to use humor as a way to deal with life.

    I now help run a community radio station to keep myself busy. One morning I was doing the morning news and couldn’t hold my hand steady which caused the paper rustling to be heard over the air waves. I calmly announced that we were going to take a musical break. ” And now, for those of us with Parkinson’s, here’s the Beatles and The Hippy Hippy Shake.”

    I actually had someone call and complain that their grandma had Parkinson’s and that wasn’t funny! Really? Wait till tomorrow when I announce the Allziemers Workshop. I just don’t remember the time and place!

  • Ange

    Hi Heather

    Thanks for your support and insight. I read the spoon theory and it does make me stop and think just how easy I am able to just take everyday movements for granted, Its amazing how much time and effort is put into just planning a day and getting through each day.

    Much appreciated, I am planning to visit soon and at least have a little more knowledge to help me get to understand more

    Thanks

    Ange xxxxx

  • Bree

    Your Spoon Theory is brilliant! I might try it with some dense but loved family members… I think I’ve heard all of these on the List; I have CFS/ME “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome” & Fibromyalgia. One of the best I’ve heard, once from a doctor and also from well-meaning ppl, is “maybe if you’d exercise you wouldn’t feel so tired? and then you’d lose weight, too.” No, really?! Gee, I thought I was just lazy…

    But when I got sick 5 yrs ago, I was jogging 2-3x/week, doing Pilates, working a job, managing household & wild kids while hubby was deployed with the military…AND eating very healthy. And I still got this…these conditions. Crap! Argh!

    Oh yes, and I love God & am trying to walk with Him, believe I WILL beat this and then be able to lift-up others going thru similiar challenges. Eventually.

    I’ve tried to use the “withdrawal/deposit” analogy to describe the same thing you’ve used Spoons for. Spoons are more concrete and might have more impact — something to touch and see and feel. Thanks!

  • Heather

    Ange, Don’t suggest you get togethersometime when they’re feeling better. Plan a day. I’d like to take you out for coffee on Tuesday. Which is better morning or afternoon? Offer to drive. Make it as easy as possible for your friend to say yes.

    ANother idea is to take over something so that your friend won’t have to deal with it. Like groceries, running the vacuum and so on. My husband fills my gas tank up so that I don’t have to stand in the cold with sore joints in the morning before work. Anything that can make the every day life easier.

    SInce you seem to be longdistance, send a gift card for their fav coffe place. That way they know it’s okay to splurge and you’d share a cup with them if you were there.

    Don’t ask all the time about thow their feeling, but do check in about every other day. But you’re right spoon theory is one of the best coping things i’ve found. When my students don’t get why I am the way I am, I tell them to look up spoon theory.

    Hope I might have inspired you somehow.

  • Ange

    Hi ,
    My friend suffers RSD, and has very severe disability. we met through a website and have formed a very close relationship. I can never imagine what the relentless pain is like, what its like not to sleep, to have people think you are ok and not give any thought \ consideration to what you guys are actually living with day to day.
    I am fortunate not to suffer like you guys, but I know my friend suffers alot in silence, and cries behind closed doors and I would do anything to help. I appreciate this site it give people like me a better understanding of the pain and suffering which is invisible to most. and I hope someday I can make a difference. What advice can you offer to me who is an outsider to try and make a difference to my friend.We have not met yet which is amazing as we have telephone, msn and email communication on a daily basis.

    You guys n gals are inspirational and I am glad I found this site.

    xxxx

  • Thanks for posting this… numbers 7 & 8 make me giggle hysterically every time I read them. My personal favorite Stupid Healthy Person Question was, “So is there pain associated with lupus?” I had to remind myself that the man was almost as old enough to be my grandparent and it would therefore (probably) be wrong to use my martial arts training to kick him in the head.

  • Susan

    My all-time favorites are the people that think that if you were just a bit more religious God would miraculously cure you.
    Okay, I believe in miracles as much as the next person. I believe in God and Jesus, etc. I also take a logical look at my situation too. I don’t believe I’m being cursed for something I did in the past or am now doing/not doing. I have a myriad of physical ailments, some of which I’ve brought on through my own doing, and others that just came to me out of the blue. They ALL are there as a result of a physical, not RELIGIOUS, problem.
    I pray, and pray, and pray, and although it does help me to feel better emotionally, it hasn’t done a whole lot for the physical problems. I don’t believe God curses us with ill health because of what we do/don’t do. Therefore, don’t make matters worse by telling me that God is angry with me or that He won’t heal me until I start going to church again, or praying more, etc.
    Felt good to get that out…thanks!

  • Ami

    Im amazed at the experiences here, I have had the complete reverse..After dropping about 30 pills down a sink drain, I went 3 days without it. BY the time I got to the ER, I quite literally wanted death over what I was going through. I told the ER Docs, that Although my actual pain is unbearable, there are other feelings here, that have to add up to withdrawel. I said I would be ok with entering a drug treatment program. After looking at my MRI’s, the Doctor came in and said, “youre probably going through some withdrawel, but you dont qualify for drug rehab, because your treating pain, not getting high.” WHAT difference does it make WHy IM taking it, if I go through withdrawel without it, doesnt it need attention? IM sorry so many of you have had other experiences, but in reality, even when you do BEG to get off the crap, they tell me “you need it, youre not addicted, its just your pain”..My suggestion is to be careful what you wish for. Pain I could struggle through and still manage, now is just a reason to pop a pill. Frankly, the addiction is as bad as the pain itself.

  • Deb

    I think all of us with chronic illness have had our share of unfortunate circumstances with doctors, friends, & family. I am a very private person and choose to tell the details of my illness to only 15 – 20 trusted people outside of my family. Of those, only 5 know most of the details and 1 knows all of the details. Very few within my family know all the details. Consequently, when people see me most of the time they don’t know anything is wrong. On the “bad” days, I stay home. So I get the, “you don’t look sick” comment when I choose to be in public. For me it’s enough that the people I know and trust understand and know what the truth is – I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I’ve had a great example in front of me. I’m 50, and I have an Aunt who has been chronically ill my entire life. If you met her on the street, you’d never know. I’ve drawn my example from her. My family (on that side) has the “gift” of laughter… so we use that as a coping mechanism. As I tell the ones who know me best – this illness has taken too much from me – it will not get my sense of humor too! If my tremor causes my head to move too much, I just make people think I’m nodding in conversation! 🙂 There are many days when the only beings I choose to deal with are my dogs… but they make good nap buddies on the “bad” days. God Bless!

  • Midge Midgley

    My latest fave came from my new neurologist (oh the joys of moving continents). I came in carrying a crash helmet, and he said ‘you can’t be that bad if you’re still riding a motorcycle’ … great start! I had to explain that as there was a tube strike on, the only way I could attend my appointment was to ride pillion on a mate’s bike :-S
    Hmmm… I wonder if he really knows that much about MS?

  • Melissa

    The “terrific” advice I always get is to get blotto, verschnickered, plastered etc etc. Thanks but I think I will stick to my clinically tested, expert physician prescribed medications.

  • Pamela

    “you dont look sick” or “If you were really sick, you wouldnt be able to do “XYZ”… me.. oh really? Good to know that sick people shouldnt try to enjoy life somehow. or… “You must not be doing something right” OHHhhhh thank you. You’re right.. Im used to doing everything right.. I must have missed something…… maybe it’s KARMA!!!! Thank you. “but you look good” Oh.. well that’s a relief.

  • Terrie Williams

    I love the ‘friends’ who still insist on hugging to tightly or darn near slapping the stuffing out of you when they ‘pat’ you on the back AFTER you’ve told them how painful it is to be touched (SLE, Fibro, Raynauds, etc)…and then they get offended when you duck and run for cover when they come near the next time….grrrrrr…

  • awaiting dx

    Dear Sylvia, Someday, I promise, someday you will see humor in your situation. I say this because over a year and a half ago my marriage of 35 years dissolved (I was already frazzled & frayed! 🙂 ahem, anyways…..when my husband moved his BOYFRIEND in with us! I am the full time caretaker for our two disabled children. Why you ask? I was apparently the free babysitter so he could go have a great social life. Was I lonely, at times, sick myself? yes, I tried HARD to finish a medical degree by commuting, but with three kids under age ten, and few childcare providers willing to do at risk childcare services, (severe multiple disabilities), my degree got set aside as I got sicker & sicker. I knew I had to stay healthy for my kids. Now I am out on my own, and my three kids are with me more days than not. He has them very few. I have learned about myself more & more, and feel stronger more days emotionally, and I don’t cry anymore. I am happy now. I am working on finally getting my diagnosis, as whatever this is, it’s not going away. I tried cutting out a few meds, coming off them slowly, I eat really healthy, Clean Eating magazine!! (it has shopping lists) It has recipes too, but honestly I suck at those, I’d rather use a healthy list to start from any day. I photocopy them and keep them in my car, so I have months of variety, and can’t forget my list. I got my labs done 2 weeks ago, and my RA factor came back high, I won’t bore you with my Dx list, but it is varied and pretty standard for, Someday you will laugh about the situation!! I do now!!
    By the way, I recently found out that it is illegal for a domestic partner to bring a third party into the home like that. Especially if there are kids, as it not only confuses them, but can bring them irreprable emotional harm, confusion, stress, misunderstanding about healthy relationship boundaries, etc. You can call the police and have her removed from your home. If he blows a nut in front of the kids, make sure the officer notes that, and ask the officer to remove him too for the childrens safety. Do it over and over until he GETS the message. Don’t let them run you out of a home. I got run out, they now sleep in my bed, in my home, use my garden, etc. Now I know better what my rights are. Good luck & best wishes

  • Jo

    Anyone else see the irony of the ad at the bottom right of the page entitled READY TO HEAL YOURSELF? If you truly want to heal yourself download this free healing exercise. D’oh

  • Tova

    Feeling bad never looked so good! Sometimes I’m glad I still look good and other times I want to wear a sign that says “HURTING!” Give me a break. Do I have to limp or moan or collapse or scream to be believed. I hurt. Isn’t it enough to just say that and be believed. I hate the hurting and I hate the isolation. No one can know. Noone!

  • Alistair

    Constance bloody hell man seriously that is bad. I’ve got different problems but, I had stomach issues that felt like I was digesting concrete and other problems all stomach related I hate that stuff. Also had a pain dissorder, and still do but it’s not as bad.

    I’m totally messed up right now I’m 95% house/bed bound. I need to bathe or something right now I’m really feeling it.

    Hate isn’t the word. When it comes to people.

  • Heidi

    I loved this!! I think I’ve heard ALL of these!!

  • Firerose

    What can we do about those IDIOTS who call themselves doctors, but make snap judgements about our ‘all in your head – drug seeking’ behaviors? Personally I’d like to strip them naked and turn them loose in a maximum security prison. Let’s see what all their high and mighty knowledge gets them there!! SIGH ……
    I am lucky that I have 2 very good MDs who get me and know that I don’t want to take any more meds than I have to. But for those two doctors who get me, I have one who drives me crazy – the ‘we need to not take so many meds,’ ‘you have to watch the drug interactions,’ etc. Well no joke! And I’m on the least amount of meds I’ve been on in 12 years. How about let’s try the med I’ve been asking about for the past 5 years…. Geez – you’d think since she’s been seeing me for 10 years she’d know me by now. It’s not like she doesn’t prescribe this med for others with the same illness – I know she does, they work with me, go to my church, are friends, etc. And they have benefited – all I’m asking for is to try it. And it’s not even a pain med!!! I stopped taking all my narcotic pain meds because they stopped working — does that seem like drug seeking behavior to you???
    I hate taking medications. I don’t even like vitamins for heaven’s sake. And Constance – if I were you, I’d probably have gone back and punched that doctor. Then I would have reported his behavior to the medical society and then gone to visit a good lawyer! I can’t express how sorry I am that this type of thing has happened to another fellow spoonie. Where do some of these MDs get off with such arrogance and ego? What happened to their oath “First Do No Harm”?????

  • Constance

    I’ve also suffer from chronic pain, I’d been having severe abdominal pain for a while & even though I was on pain medicine (it wasn’t for my abdominal area), I eventually HAD to go to the ER & the young wet behind the ears snot nosed Doctor assumed I was a drug seeker- even though my husband brought all my meds in the bottles & showed him I wasn’t out of pain medicine & I didn’t want any meds, but I was doubled over in severe pain, throwing up bile & dehydrated & I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME! He gave me I.V. fluids, something in the I.V. for vomiting & pain, took some blood work & told me I had a bug & of COURSE THAT THE ABDOMINAL PAIN WAS PROBABLY CAUSED BY CONSTIPATION CAUSED BY MY PAIN MEDICINE & TESTS (only tests done were blood & urine) SHOWED NOTHING OTHER THAN SLIGHT DEHYDRATION & RELEASED ME!! WELL, I went home & after about 12 hours of EXCRUCIATING PAIN -I couldn’t stand it anymore, it was worse & I WENT BACK- GUESS WHAT, he was SO sure I was a drug seeker he didn’t even wait for my blood work-up to come back, which showed my gallbladder was bad/dead- I WAS IMMEDIATELY ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL & SCHEDULED FOR SURGERY – My Gallbladder was bad/dead & I had GALLSTONES, but in the time he’d sent me home I passed a gallstone & it damaged my digestive system so bad, I’ve had to have a stint put in my pancreas & it didn’t take, now I have chronic acute pancreatic attacks because of 1 ignorant Dr. thinking I might be a drug seeker & not checking my test, BECAUSE OF HIS ASSUMPTION, I CAN’T COUNT HOW MANY SURGERIES, TESTS, MRI’S & OTHER TESTS & TRIPS TO THE ER, STAYS IN THE HOSPITAL & I NOW HAVE A DIGESTIVE CARE SPECIALIST I SEE ON A REGULAR BASIS & IT HURTS TO EAT, THEY’VE SAID “GET A FEEDING TUBE” that’s life for the last 5 years…………I also have acute panic disorder & major trust issues now, ALL because 1 Doctor has changed my life forever, I’m only 45 years old & I wish he knew what 1 day in my shoes was like! JERK

  • Stacey

    I do have to agree with the folks who are saying that most people offer “generic” advice simply because they’re looking to help. And that’s great. It’s good to have people around you who are trying to be helpful, even if you both know that the advice has been offered before, tried before, or just doesn’t sound like a top choice. It’s just good to want to help.

    The line is crossed, however, when people offer that advice, then want to know why you won’t do it/consider it/won’t try it again/etc and continue to push it on you, including arguments as to why it would really work and why you have to do it because they’re right.
    Last year when I was having intense abdominal pain (I nearly passed out, and fell down as my stomach tensed and spasmed and felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly), a coworker asked if she could do some healing touch on me (which doesn’t require any touch at all). I said no, that I just needed to rest and I would be okay in a little while (as a trending pattern showed…I knew it had something to do with my digestion, and that given time, it would resolve….we didn’t know at that time that my gallbladder was all but dead…). But she persisted, and insisted that I wouldn’t have to move from where I was, that she could make me feel better by rearranging my energy. While I don’t discount healing touch, I knew it wasn’t what I needed then because you have to be receptive for it to work, and I wasn’t in that state. It bothered me so much that she persisted though. If someone wants to be left alone when they don’t feel well, that really needs to be respected.

  • April

    I always get the: If you just stopped all your medicine you would get better. I think- sure if DEAD is better.

  • KATHY GORMAN

    I love it. I always love a great laugh. By the way does wrapping you house in foil really help??? lol.

  • Lorraine

    After reading these replies I realize once again how blessed I am to have doctor that “gets” it. He has had a training in chronic pain management and is very aware that you can be on strong pain meds and not be a “drug seeker”. I have no idea how I would have managed if I had some of these other doctors. I also realized I’m having a pretty good day and that sometimes I do have good days. I have difficulty with having a positive attitude most times, but these letters have reminded me of what some of my bad days have been like. It also reminds me I haven’t had bad days for a little while. I would say that taking the time to read these gave me the opportunity to feel grateful and that’s a nice way to feel.

  • Carrie

    well yet another doctor who said “I am sorry I can’t help you.” I wanted to say you can’t or won’t because I am in pain management. Once again we get a game plan together and the doctor says we will follow these steps bloddwork, ultrasound, exploratory surgery so I feel like ok we are getting somewhere and then somewhere between ultra sound and surgery plans changed. They claimed it was because the ultrasound and blood work were normal so there was no reason to proceed. But i got a glimpse of my chart when the doctor was called out of the room and the note from the first doctor had a section circled in red that stated patient is on narcotics prescribed by pain management program, has made numerous trips to ER, and it is noted in hospital records that it is the opinion of one of the hospitalist that the patient seeks out narcotic medications. Yes I seek out pain medswhen I am in excrutiating pain. So one mans opinion, a man who spent all of 5 minutes in my room, determines my healthcare for the rest of my life, really. I even confronted him as to what he based this judgement on and he said because I asked for a specific medication. Well number one I am a registered nurse so yes I have knowledge others would not and number 2 it is wrong for me to express what works and doesnt work for me REALLY. I wanna say to these guys let me put your scrotum in a vice and tighten it down and see if you ask for something for the pain because I am sure you will ask for the strongest med. Now mind you the rest of my chart and records are full of other evaluations that state otherwise including 3 psychiatrists who all wrote it is my opinion that the patient is stable and knowledgeable and has a grasp on her chronic illness and does not exhibit typical drug seeking behaviors. But I guess those don’t count I just want answers a diagnosis so I can get a treatment plan cuz right now it is a few doctors taking a shot in the dark. Oh and has anyone heard of a blood test to determine if you have endometriosis cuz everything I am reading says the only way to diagnos is through exploratory lap.

  • I love it!!!

  • Niki

    My favorite was a very well-meaning family member repeatedly telling my husband over and over and over that if I just get up and do stuff every day that the issues that I have as a result of a stroke will be better. Really? All those dead brain cells will suddenly regenerate and make me perfectly normal again?

    I sent that family member (among others) the spoon theory and sadly, it didn’t quite make an impression. Amusingly, that person tells me that they always understood this.

    Sadly, those who find themselves in the role of caretakers of spoonies often get worn out as well. Especially, spouses, who thought they would have a partner to take some of the load off and find themselves with double the load making up for what we can’t get done with our limited spoons. Some of them would rather bail than keep living life as half of a couple with limited spoons. I’m not defending this, but I understand why so many of them do it. If I could ditch having limited spoons every day for the rest of my life, I would in a second. That is DEFINITELY not meant to defend Sylvia’s partner; that behavior is so cruel and insensitive and shameful there aren’t even words to describe it.

    I wish all of you spoonies the best from day to day. I wish relief and energy and fulfillment in your lives.

  • A woman (whom I did not know) approached me at a school and asked me what volunteer work I planned to do for an upcoming fundraiser. I explained that I had severe nerve damage and that using my arms (at the time) would cause tremendous pain – so rather than volunteer, I was donating money. Her response was, “Oh, well then you can help set out the auction items on the table – that won’t hurt your arms.”

    WHAT??

    I’ve encountered this attitude frequently over the years… made a little video about it so that hopefully others without hidden illnesses would gain an understanding.

  • Cynthia

    I have endometreosis, and sometimes it is excruciating. I get all the popular ones like: It is all in your head (doctor’s), it can’t hurt that bad, you have a low tolerance for pain, or you just have bad cramps. These are all idiotic sounding when you are in the midst of agony and praying for death so you will just stop hurting. Recently though my husband has started to really understand that I am not making it all up and that yes it does hurt that badly. Friends are always trying to give me advice or telling me what will fix it all. I have tried everything under the sun and have had three surgeries to relieve some of the pain and nothing has worked so I say Thanks to all my friends and people who think they have the right to tell me how to get through this thing that they will never understand. I pray for all of you with chronic pain because I do empathize with your pain and the way it makes you feel isolated from the world around you. I know what it is like to have to make your life about your illness and I know that it is tough, but know that one day we will be pain free and in the presence of Christ’s glory and we will be home and pain free for all eternity. I hope all of you take some comfort in that.

  • Carrie

    You know what gets me is because you have Chronic health issues that all of the literature explains the excrutiating pain (mind you published articles in medical journals that doctors have access too) automatically you are a drug seeker.
    Where do these medical professionals get off and how do they get away with it. The know you for all of 5 minutes and in that short 5 minutes they think they can assess your whole life and therefore can label you. You don’t know me you are not my doctor and you have no right to pass judgement.
    I can’t count the number of times this has happened to me and one doctor even wrote it in my perminet chart so it is hard to get anyont to take me serious.
    It is wrong as a doctor you take an oath to first do no harm well when someone leaves your ER in just as much pain as when you arrived to me that is doing harm. And nurses ya your just as guilty. I am an RN and if a patient says they are in pain I take them serioussly. Nurses you took an oath to advocate for your patient so if they are still in pain it is your job to fight for them.
    I mean come on for godsakes practice medicine and stop being erogant and egotistical because you have no idea of what is wrong. Instead of saying I don’t know you automatically decide to put it back on me because if the tests are clear it must be that I am seeking drugs because god forbid you as a doctor doesn’t know just say so, instead it is easier for you to dismiss me as a drug addict than actually take the time to get to know your patients.

  • Guy

    I get the humor, but as someone who has been on both sides of the coin, I believe most people genuinely want to help — so they ask questions in an effort to be supportive.

    What this post discredits, in my opinion, is that being open to questions in general may be more beneficial to someone with chronic illness than simply being annoyed by them.

    Sure, there will be the routine ones — but you never know where being open to others might lead. If you simply get annoyed and shut down the process, my sense is that you shut down a lot of possibilities as well.

    It’s been said that the stupidest questions are the ones that are never asked.

    I’d tend to agree.

  • Vern

    Yeah, I know how you feel, I have a herniated disc in my back and its putting pressure on my spinal cord. But hey, they just pulled the boat back in and its my turn to go water skiing……..a comment heard from a cousin at a recent reunion after he had asked me how my back was doing……..I have had 5 failed back surgeries, both hips replaced, spinal cord stimulator, lymphedema, yep, Im in line to go water skiing too…….lol

  • I truly believe that some people without chronic disease want to help, but don’t know what to say-so say ignorant things. I call this the “Stigma of Chronic Pain/Disease” and a large part of the population just cannot “get” that there can be pain that can’t be treated(usually they think a motrin). This site and the Arthritis Foundation facebook page has shown me that there are huge numbers of us, and hope others keep their sense of humor when “helped” or smile when others see us parking in handicapped spaces, though we look normal, knowing that they are understood by all of us.

  • Lori

    When I had Pneumonia, my boss told me to stop breathing so heavy. He said after he had knee surgery he was limping until the Dr told him he was better and that he needs to “stop limping” because his leg was fine. My boss said, “so my advice to you is, stop limping. You’re pneumonia is better, stop breathing like you can’t breathe.” I still couldn’t breathe normally for months, but when he as in the room I tried to take quieter breaths. Crazy!

  • Sylvia

    OMG!….I get the WOW are you THAT SICK…and I say NO,its just an excuse to get EVERYONES ATTENTION…They soon LEARN I AM REALLY THAT SICK and by the end of the day I AM EMOTIONALLY BANKRUPT,physically depleted,mentally exhausted and thats AFTER I tend to my needs…then tend to the needs of disabled DAUGHTER….I have PULMONARY SARCOIDOSIS and getting worse each day.

    Oh and now my partner of 20 yrs has decided HE is no longer my partner and moved his new woman in while I was still there…His response is ITS UR ILLNESS NOT MINE and ‘she is somuch better than you’…my disease can kill….GEE WHY DOES THAT MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER….My doctors are fantastic.

    Did anyone see an ANGEL today that made them SMILE?

    sylvia ( down under aussie)

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