Sick Humor: 7 Things NOT to Do When You are Depressed

 

We all have been there. It is 2am, you can’t sleep, you have a lot on your mind… and let’s face facts- you are depressed. After doing all of the wrong things to combat depression, I thought I would pass on some of my knowledge to you. Hopefully you can find better things to do with your time at 2am then I did. Why only 7 things? I fell asleep, and I was too depressed to think of 10.


1. Whatever you do, stay away from Google.
Normally I am a HUGE Google lover, but at 2am when things are looking bleak, Google has a funny way of turning on you. I call this “Depression Googling”. It seems like a smart idea in the moment to start searching for all the wacky symptoms of your illness, or the side effects of your medications, but to read all this technical data when you are on little sleep, just leads to trouble. It is overwhelming and depressing and no matter how much medical information and experience you have, you are not a doctor.
Google also tends to get addicting. One search leads to another and 3 hours later you still don’t have answers, just a load of websites that tend to confuse and depress you even more.
2. Now is NOT the time to Stroll Down Memory Lane.
It is fun to look at pictures or talk to old friends etc, but not when you are down in the dumps. When you are sad, comparing yourself to your fat/ skinny/ pretty/ prom/ sick/ healthy pictures is not productive. You are not that person and you will never be that person again, You can’t, it is in the past. We have a funny way of picking ourselves apart when we want to. We can be our own worst enemies. We notice every flaw, every unfulfilled desire and we focus on it. When looking at old pictures or talking to old friends, we reminisce about the way things were, or how things could have been and rarely do we focus on the now and how great some things currently are.
3. Do not watch Lifetime Movies.
It might seem like a good idea to watch movies to distract yourself when you are sad or can’t sleep, but there are some movies that should come with warning labels. If you think the movie might be a tear jerker, don’t watch it. Have self control. The news isn’t even safe anymore. Turn your TV channel to a comedy station or the Disney cartoon network- anything that will make you laugh, but not make you think.
4. Now is NOT the time for Major House Re-Organization
I know you are awake, and you think that you might as well make good productive use of your time, but you will just end up tired, achy and with a 1/2 accomplished project. You do not need more reasons to be depressed. Looking at the cabinets in your kitchen and deciding to re-organize your Tupperware is not the way to cheer up. You will only be mad at how the cabinets got so messy in the first place, or you will start the project and be too tired to finish. Waking up to a messy kitchen, with random lids of Tupperware all over the place, will only make you feel worse. Trust me, I am writing this article with a 1/2 erected Christmas Tree in front of me and it is sad.
5. Eating the whole bowl of Fudge Brownie Mix, although yummy will just give you a tummy ache.
Eating a whole bowl of anything is probably not a good idea. You will either get an upset stomach, or get a sugar rush that will just keep you awake even longer. An easy rule of thumb is do not bake, cook, or binge. You do not want to wake up in the morning and feel more upset about what you ate, than about whatever it was that was upsetting you. If you want to bake, eat one piece of whatever it is and put the rest away.
6. Do not Drink away your troubles
You had problems before 1 glass of wine or a beer and you will have problems after them. Drinking will just make your issues seem bigger, fuzzier and just plain messy. Drinking makes everything seem sad. Drinking by yourself at 2am is just pathetic. Have a drink to toast and celebrate good occasions, not to drown your sorrows.
7. Do not change your blog or facebook page to reflect your mood every ten seconds.
Do not take the time to change your background to black or your song list to Alanis Morissette just yet. Wait a few days and make sure that dark mood is really what you want to express. Probably after a few days and a good night’s sleep you will not be feeling so Goth. Before you spread your dark mood to the world, wait a few days. You will be happy you don’t have to just figure out how to undo everything you did, and your friends will be happy to not have to find an appropriate “comment” on the new depressing theme of your blog.

No matter what, when you feel yourself getting depressed it always helps to have a sense of humor!
Article written by Christine Miserandino, butyoudontlooksick.com

©2024butyoudontlooksick.com
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  • Catalyst Spark

    Call it stupid, or dangerous, or risky, I know all of those labels suit it, but I actually do tend to drink when I’m depressed. I will try everything else beforehand but if it doesn’t work then I’ll drink. But I’m a happy, hyper drunk, likely due to the fact that I’m actually free of pain after a fifth of rum which the pain relief itself does a lot to improve my mood. My depression also doesn’t always have a real source beyond the fact that the chemicals in my brain are all out of whack and I’ve noticed that a fifth of rum tends to make the system reboot and I’ll be fine for a decent while. I don’t drink often, it is a last resort, but I’ll be honest, it’s helped me before without all the dangerous (As in more dangerous than booze) side effects I tend to get with anti-depressant medications. However, I will say I am careful to keep close watch on my drinking habits because I know drinking for depression, and it actually working for me, puts me on the edge of a very slippery slope so I do keep an eye on that habit, as does my fiance’.

    I will say, with the depression googleing, yeeeeah, that one’s a bad idea, especially if you’re the type who desperately seeks out someone who can relate and understand when you’re depressed (Which I tend to do hoping to find a rant partner so we can both help each other) mostly because googleing chat rooms in hopes of finding someone who relates can make you feel very alone when you realize just how hard it is to make that connection.

  • Tricia B

    Thank you. It is about 6 a.m. and I am googling “should i go to work if i’m depressed” which is stupid because i have been in treatment for years and know what i need to do. I just don’t want to because it’s hard and I feel like crap. Staying at home today would probably entails many of these 7 things and lead to an even crappier weekend.

  • CBark

    Interesting, that makes sense. Wikipedia is better for this I think, because it distracts you from your problems by getting you thinking (i.e. unless the topic is highly technical the articles tend to be accessible to anyone), and especially by branching you out into unrelated topics that make you forget where you started. Google search results can do that too but not as much…

  • Marty Morrow

    I go googleing it workslol

  • Bummer

    Bug bombing: These creatures are nearly impossible to get rid of, creating a sense of hopelessness and anxiety, which is meant to harm the psyche of writers and journalists every where. likely

  • Bummer

    News Release: Depression may be caused by a govt agency bug bombing your home. Not bug fogging, but by actually detonating a canister filled with multiple types of insects that are tenacious, and appear to be larger then normal.

  • Fro$ty

    ya i think going on facebook in general when you are the least bit depressed or even tired is a horrible idea. it just sucks away time and youre not even doing anything you enjoy. I only go on fb every now and then to talk to a couple friends but thats about it.

    At least when i play video games or watch a movie im having a good time. Facebook just gets kinda depressing after a while when you see other people and you start comparing yourself to them subconsciously. Its like a trance i have to snap my self out of. Ive gotten better at controlling it, but i still do it once in a while and get into “the zone”. Ugh. Gotta keep going!

  • Darth Figpucker

    Here’s a novel you might like if you like SICK humor… imagine A Clockwork Orange (horrorshow brutal!) meets Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (bizarre humor sci-fi).
    http://www.booksie.com/science_fiction/novel/darth_figpucker/evi1-a-novel-about-you/chapter/1
    Or here’s another website that has the entire novel (and downloadable MS Word):
    http://lib2.znate.ru/docs/index-304314.html
    I recommend the download because there are fonts and graphics that somehow get cut from the website published versions.
    Title: evi1 – a novel about you.
    Synopsis: The most psychotic / megalomaniac person on earth searches for and reaches immortality. It has a lot of very twisted and violent humor. It is damn near guaranteed to offend at some point. The main character eventually becomes God (yes, capital G). At which point it has something to offend most major religions. The entire novel is permeated with a very negative view of humanity, and indeed all “intelligent life” to such and extreme degree that you have to laugh… and maybe learn. It’s not always an easy read, but… well, browse some of it and see.

  • Scoobydoo

    Shit – I keep thinking depression is cycling between thinking that NOONE is like you in the entire world, and EVERYONE is exactly like you, in the entire world. Either way – it’s shitty. This article makes me think that my life is a bit predictable…and, that the article should be titled “how to know if you are depressed”

  • gracie

    oh honey, go to your guidance counsellor or someone you trust and get some professional help. please.

  • Cara

    Honestly, that don’t actually help.Can you’s do the things we DO do when we are depressed

  • Zachary

    A better idea than wasting time telling people what not to do would be to tell them what things they should be doing instead no?

  • unknown

    don’t lying to ourself
    life is so empty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • OhSoSad

    It’s funny how I found this using Google.

  • ;A;

    I’m honestly pretty surprised that you didn’t put anything like self-harm on the list, but ehh.

  • Arnold Reagan

    I found water to be a decent substitute for alcoholic beverages in such times. I succumb to Wikipedia sometimes (as opposed to your Google), and it sometimes helps.

  • Anonymous@41

    What you have is depression plain and simple. I was reading your letter and it was as if I had written it when I was 12. The pressure of being constantly teased at school and invisible at home can be overwhelming. Don’t sell your feelings short.  I can’t stand it when adults think children have no clue about anything in life. Just because they feel things deeper does not make those feelings any less valid. I can’t offer any advice on how to fix it. For me, I washed my hair and got some better clothes.  It didn’t fix it but it eased off enough for me to concentrate on more important things. A new school (high school) helped a little. Nothing works better than believing in yourself. A small circle of loyal friends will get you through. I promise, it will get better, even if you do nothing. The best thing you can do though,  is get some help.  You are old enough to ask your doctor even if your parents won’t. I have been through a number of serious depressions and always come out the other side. you will too. Make your voice heard. I heard, they will too. If not the first person, then the second or third or fourth. Don’t give up till you get what you need. You deserve it. I searched this looking for something to make me smile on a bad day. I’m not currently depressed but if I helped, even a little, it was worth it. By the way, I’ve had close to 30 amazing more years since I was 12. Don’t waste yours.

  • Blondygem

    I feel so sad and pathetic for being depressed. I mean, I am only 12. Maybe, I don’t even know the meaning of the word ‘depressed’. Maybe, I just THINK I am depressed when I’m not. However, I am crying everyday and I feel the urge to jump off my porch outside my bedroom window, but then that would be a waste of life and would be really childish. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I guess its because of people at school who always tease me and make me feel upset about myself. Sometimes I want to kill myself because of me. I lie to myself sometimes and I don’t want to be like that. I try to seem more happy but then realize how depressed I was before and then I feel even more depressed because I AM depressed. I guess my kind of depression – if I do have one – is a rare type because I’ve searched it all online and theres nothing that describes my depression or gives facts about it of how to get through it. All I’ve found is ‘depression over girls’, ‘depession over boys’, ‘depression over jobs’, ‘depression with acohol’, or ‘depression with my illness’. And I have none of those! I don’t know what to do; should I get over it? Should I just pull myself together? I feel like I’m writing an Agony Aunt letter. But thats how I feel. I don’t know if anyone can help me – my family can’t, thats for sure – and I don’t know if people are meant to help you when they see your comments. 
    This was a really good website of advice! I didn’t help me but I’m sure that it helped others who DID have problems like that. Thanks anyway, for putting the effort in to help the humans on Earth! That just sounds weird, but I am weird, so I guess thats weird too.
    Bye x

  • Annie

    If this was a test, I would have gotten 6 out of 7 on your Not To Do list. Good thing drinking gives me migraines, otherwise my score would have been 7 out of 7 🙂

    I think I will still search Google though as it is 1:44 a.m. and I still can’t sleep, but this time I think that I will search for “7 things To Do When Depressed” now that I know everything I am doing is wrong.

    Sick humour or not, I love your article.

  • Patty

    Good list. And very true. A while back I realized that crafts can really help keep me from getting depressed. It keeps my mind focused on something else. That was until today. I was making this trash can out of magazines which I saw while looking for stuff to do. I thought it was pretty neat so I figured I’d make one for my big bro. I showed him my work in progress and he laughed and said it was trash. I ended up getting über depressed again. Doing crafts is not something to do when you’re depressed. At least not anymore for me.

  • Thanks for another take on what not to do when you’re depressed! There are some things I never would have thought of, like staying away from Google. People say you should Google yourself so that you can know what’s out there on the Internet about you, but I’m afraid to. That would be pretty depressing!

    I like that your suggestions are positive. Here is my take on the Top Ten Things NOT To Do When You’re Depressed: http://cprfordepressives.wordpress.com/2011/04/26/top-ten-things-not-to-do-when-youre-depressed/ . It is completely ironic; that is to say, read everything as its opposite. I had fun writing it, and I hope other depressives will enjoy it.

  • Elisabeth

    Thank you for this…. it’s all so true. Glad to know there’s someone else out there who turns to the same coping mechanisms as me.

    One more suggestion: Don’t listen to YouTube videos of the saddest songs you can think of. I have a weakness for looking up Evanescence and Three Days Grace songs… bad idea. : )

  • Wow, this is great…I’m so glad a friend of mine posted up this website. I often feel like no one quite gets how hard it is day to day but now I know what not to do when depression rears it’s ugly head. 🙂

  • bonnie

    NEVER, EVER re-read _Catch-22_ when depressed, even tho when you are not depressed it is a hilarious book. when you are depressed, this book is horribly depressing. :\

  • Courtney

    HAHAHA i can so relate to the whole “house organizing thing”. My roommate calls it my “cleaning mode”. I get into hyperactive mode and clean EVERYTHING. Surprisingly, although it makes me feel exhausted afterwards, it really works and I usually have a very clean room.

  • Mary

    Oh geez..yes it’s almost time to get some rest. I spelled God wrong!

  • Mary

    I thank Gos for my happy pills and my sleep medication. It really does help to get the right amount of sleep. I am far from ashamed that I got help for my depression caused from my many illnesses.

  • Rei

    Ah, google. Reading that bit actually made me smile. I have a horrible habit of googling depression topics when I’m feeling really depressed. I like reading the stories of others and comparing symptoms/habits. It’s no good for me, I know, because it only gets me more down, but I do it anyway.

    There’s also the bad habit of listening to depressing music. I actually made a depression mix once that consisted of 40 songs (ten were instrumental) that were literally about depression, anxiety, hiding away from the world, failing, and so on. It was by far the most depressing thing I’ve ever listened to, and yet I couldn’t stop.

    Oversleeping is another no-no. I’d find myself sleeping throughout most of the day, and then when midnight comes and I’m tired and actually want to go to bed, I end up being unable to and get even more frustrated.

  • Colleen

    Ok, I admit it. I’m a closet Googler.

  • Sherrie Nelson

    Oh – – another thing you CAN do – – but very carefully – – watch the Home Shopping Channels – – I love to see what is new and maybe necessary – – but have, on several occasions ordered things I don’t want or need! Thank goodness you can always send them back! LOL!

    My therapist says that I should do what I have been doing, not just laying in the bed worrying – but I do get up – read or turn on a movie or other things on TV – – TV gets me through the long lonely hours that I can’t sleep!

  • Karen

    Yes, yes, yes! I’m putting this on my fridge to remind me.

  • ChrissyW

    I’m posting this at 2 AM, awake and in pain of a full-out porphyria attack. My living room is half-cleaned, but I’m content with it half-cleaned because this is the cleanest its been in a week since I care for my two toddlers at home full-time…so I certainly had to laugh at #4. I am listening to Pandora (good angry music atm) and laughing at a thread on one of my forums that instructs you to add “in my pants” to the current song on the radio and the stuff people are coming up with. Its stupid but it beats a lifetime movie about a teen girl being tormented and attempting suicide which is what I could be doing if I hadn’t given up and turned off the TV.

    I think I’ll go curl up with my kindle and read until my eyes can’t stay open…probably just in time for my 18 month old to wake up for the morning.

  • MiniMorg

    I am so guilty of 7,2 and 1. I’m always nostalging away, and updating my facebook too.

    When I am depressed and can’t sleep I write in my journals, or work on one of my stories with my earphones in. Works a treat

  • I avoid Lifetime movies even when I am NOT depressed, because if I watch them, I will BECOME depressed. When I am depressed and too brain fogged to do anything new or productive, I watch funny movies that I’ve already seen a million times so I don’t have to strain to follow the plot. Some safe romantic comedies are “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” and “While You Were Sleeping”. Also, “Airplane”, “The Princess Bride” and “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” never fail to amuse me.

  • Alexandra

    This is so true. But I have to admit I did post a Alanis Morrissette song when I was at the start of my depression. I try not to post my blue moods anymore or lack of sleep.

  • k.sol

    OK, comedies… but NO romantic comedies. If I’m down in the dumps and I see Meg Ryan find her true love one more time, I’ll hurl.

  • Cathy Copeland

    Okay, where is the camera?! Somewhere in my tiny 1-bedroom apartment, you have a camera and have been documenting what I do when depressed! I have to agree with all of your pointers, especially 2, 3 and 6. May I also add that now is not the time to examine your physical appearance or lock out the rest of the world. Isolation leads to contemplation and very few people can contemplate their lives and come away smiling!

    Thanks for all of your work for lupie spoonies and other invisible conditions (lupus is not my only invisible friend!).

  • jennifer

    1,2,3,&7. lol, at least i know im not the only one having a pity party at 2am till ???. 1 is the worst for me. the symptom searches, the disease searches, the miracle cure searches, ugh!!!! ENOUGH ALREADY!! trying to sleep is worse. all the thoughts that just will NOT SHUT UP!.. thanks for making me smile.. j 😉

  • Kirsty

    OMG! It’s amazing isn’t it, just how alike everyone is at that time of night, not able to sleep because of the pain and terrible insomnia! For me, 1, 2, 3, 4, 7 – HYSTERICAL! Thank you for this lovely funny advice!

  • rachel

    omg! im the depressed googler all the way!

  • carrie hoffmann

    oh how I can relate to it all!

  • Madelyn

    “Probably after a few days and a good night’s sleep you will not be feeling so Goth.” — This gave me a chuckle, I’ve been goth since the late 1980s and was thrilled when I finally found others who, like me, are made happier by and find beauty in the creepier, darker things. Yes, I realize I’m likely in the minority here on your site, heh.

    #2 — I found out the hard way to never read old journals when I’m headed south mood-wise, it only further reminds me of the things I can no longer do.

    One simple, inexpensive thing that helps is a decent coloring book. A coloring book and a large box of crayons or good colored pencils can do wonders for temporarily getting your mind off your troubles, and sometimes that’s all the nudge you need for your mood to start rising again. If you’ve never seen a coloring book for adults, look online, there are dozens that include famous works of art you can color, various spiritually-themed books, stained glass books, books full of mandalas, whatever is too complex for a child to color. I have a stack of those, and also, of course, a few Beetlejuice, monsters, and The Addams Family coloring books for children. 😉

    Love your site, Christine! Thank you for so many good articles. I’m a chronic migraineur and also have occipital neuralgia that hurts every moment and many things you say are still applicable.

  • Brenda

    Trish, it didn’t end up worse than it started, it ended up different but you achieved a lot! Once those bags of donations are out of the house, you will feel better because they are gone and also because they will be helping someone who needs help. You are de-cluttering and reorganising, and as someone once said, “You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs”. It sounds trite, I know, but when you have everything as you want it, think how great you will feel! I’m in the process of trying to create a craft room so I can keep all my clutterin one place. I live alone, have nobody to help me and every day is hard. Build shelves? I wish!!
    Gentle hugs, you are doing great xx

  • Patty

    I’ll just hang onto this list to get me thru the next time!!

  • Late nights are tough when the house you live in is so small, that there really are only a kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and a small porch and very very small living room.
    I have to try to type quietly on my laptop so I don’t wake up my husband on the other side of the wall! That’s when I do a lot of reading and catching up on blogs I follow, etc.
    When we had a real living room in our previous house, I had a crafts table (now our kitchen table) and stack of plastic containers next to it. I could create at any point in the night. There were doors on the rooms there too. I miss my craft table and doors! 🙂

  • Trish Howard

    Number 4 is my personal hell. I ALWAYS seem to get disgusted with the house when I’m depressed or sick and start these huge organization projects.

    This week I have built new shelves for my craft room, which meant I had to pull EVERYTHING back out onto the floor of the room. I have great plans of sorting everything by the type of craft.

    I cleaned out our closet. Most things got done. I pulled out a lot of clothes and shoes to donate.

    Now, I have run out of spoons and started new medication. My bathtub is FULL of trash bags full of things to donate and all of my craft supplies are in piles on the floor.

    *sigh* How did this end up worse than it started? 🙂

  • me verse lupus

    And I do almost all of them. It’s so hard to advoid doing these things if you don’t want to take drugs to help you sleep. Or the happy pills to keep you from being depressed. So now that you gave us the don’t give us the do’s.

  • Shelly

    Number four is awesome.

    True that.

  • #7 – unless the Goth stuff cheers you up, in which case you’ll probably enjoy it when you’re in a good mood too.

    #2 – that’s just scary. I thought it was just me and anyone else who had childhoods you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy who shouldn’t stroll down memory lane to cheer up. Now it looks like even people who were the happy kids in the other houses get depressed by it because that good stuff’s gone. Guess you just can’t win.

    Tips of my own, two that actually do work when I’m depressed:

    Immerse in a really good book, preferably a reread of a favorite you haven’t reread in a while. If it’s familiar and an immersive story it’s much more fun worrying about Harry Potter’s detention than how I feel.

    Or – do something creative, expressive __and easy__ – set up the easiest possible project in something you always enjoy doing, be that sketching, drawing, music, whatever. Do the dopey beginner exercise you could do with your eyes shut, because then it’ll turn out amazingly good and you feel competent again even if normal stuff is still way out of reach.

    Anyway those are my two fight-depression things.

  • Wendy mccluskey

    Wow.. and here I thought it was just me lol
    I have done and still do all of those.
    As a matter of fact it is currently 2:20am
    I’m hungry but wisely have banned bags of cookies etc that will disappear quickly at 2am. My poor facebook victims have been privy to my black moods too.
    Ahhh being crazy is so…. well .. crazy. lmao

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