I like to avoid stress. That is, I intentionally avoid adding stress, in addition to the everyday stresses I cannot avoid. For example, I can’t avoid pain, no matter which way I dodge. I can’t avoid the necessity of working or office politics. I can’t avoid all family obligations and relationship strains, in fact, living with someone like me can’t be easy. So all that unavoidable stress gets to a person. Somehow we’ve got to just roll with them, roll them out of our minds and off our backs.

It is a difficult thing to do however. When you are having a hard time working and your boss is giving you slack on your missed days, that makes it even harder to brush off the stress. It is compounded with guilt when you are sick. So you try harder to not be sick, and we all know that does not work for long, sorry, I mean at all.
Worse again is co-workers, especially those negative co-workers. They make working harder, because there is a lack of sympathy, or they wear the face of sympathy. Then of course there are the negative people that stick to you like an unpleasant oil you can’t get off your skin.
So this is how I handle stress, how I deal with it on premise and in life. At work I am surrounded by people who think I should not have ‘extra’ days off due to my illness, a boss that wants to fire me, and I am sure she is thinking of ways to accomplish that, and I work a multi-tasking job where I do work for everyone else, in addition to customers. I do my job well and efficiently, when I do not have a migraine, but working with a migraine is difficult and it makes me short tempered. I want to do my work without people annoying me. Oddly enough, if I have a migraine that is bad, or if I am having a fibro-fog day, it is way easier to deal with annoying customers and co-workers. No matter the insult, no matter the anger projected at me, no matter the negativity that consumes them… I simply deal with them, and then moments later forget all about it. So two pointers I have learned to cope with being at work:
1) The Facade: I have a well established facade for the workplace- a smile that is easy and well used to mask any expression of pain on it. I make jokes and laugh, not to make others comfortable, but to make me feel better. Laughter helps me hide the pain. Without that mask, or when it fails on me, it is difficult to deal with anyone, because all I can think about is the pain. My facade personality is also easy going and will do anything without complaint, which is good because my job is to keep customers laughing and comfortable. And so I can laugh off most things that would annoy me normally. I let them roll off me with a laugh and then forget about them.
2) Let it slide: Never let any insult to you or your work get stuck on you, because that means you will dwell on it, you will get angry and that will stress your body out. You are doing the best you can, with the limitations you have. So let any irritation go, let it slide, and then forget about it. This helps with maintaining the facade. I like to think co-workers and customers have bad days, and they are taking out their frustrations on me, but I do not want their day to make my day harder. So I deal with them with a smile, and then forget about them. Do not let others have the power to ruin your day.
Dealing with loved ones is a little different. I deal with an indifferent boyfriend. It is not that he does not care, but that he does not always care to hear about how I am feeling. Perhaps repetition bores him. How do you deal with a spouse without feeling guilty for things you cannot control and feeling like you are complaining, when you just need to get it out. It is not easy for the spouse to live with someone with chronic pain, chronic migraines, chronic anything, so I always suggest an outlet, something you can do to get out your frustrations without having to overburden your spouse.
1)A rant journal: where you can rant and rail and get it all out without feeling judged or guilty. Never underestimate cathartic release.
2) Blogging: Again you can write out what is frustrating you about your health, without any family to pass judgment on it. A great way to communicate to people who know what you are going through and a great way to keep track of your health.
4) Health Forums: Excellent places to join, some of the communities are quite well developed. You can talk to people that are going though the same things. Speaking with others that understand you is not a power to be ignored. Other people share your struggles, your success. They have helpful ideas and actual sympathy and this decreases your sense of isolation. This battle is fought all over the world.
Once you get things out there, out of your system, even the worst mood can be diminished. Basically once it is on paper, all the raw emotions, then it is out of you. It has been released and you can let it roll.
The final way to relieve stress is do something for yourself and no one else. Something that makes you happy. If that be reading a good book, or taking a long bath, or writing a story or poem.
Our lives are stressful because we are stressed. Our bodies are stressed to the limits and anything additional added to that compounds on it. We do many things to help treat the various stresses on our bodies; avoid triggers, eat the right foods, and pace our selves. We cannot ignore methods of coping with every day stresses, the ones that can make the biggest difference in us having a good pain day to having a very bad pain day… from feeling optimistic, to feeling melancholy. We need to understand the power people have to make us feel miserable, and develop coping tools to limit that power. And we definitely need a release for the turmoil having to deal with the world with chronic pain. It is not all about coping with pain and illness, it is about coping with our reality in the world. What do you think?
Essay written by Nikki Albert © 2008 butyoudontlooksick.com