When you suffer from an illness it’s hard to be upbeat all the time. One can’t always smile through the pain or think mind over matter will move a mountain (or even the trash to outside the door). It’s a sad part of life no one ever wants to talk about.
The truth is when your joints hurt and you feel sick 24/7, you don’t much feel like playing congenial all day long. Sure we all try not to be the Wicked Witch of the East everyday, but it’s going to happen; You will get snippy or stubborn. We all do.

Of course if you are like me, the guilt always follows, too. Maybe they were getting in my face or maybe I couldn’t take one more stare at my crutches, but I didn’t need to blow up either, right? Well I’m sorry, but I’m human and you are, too.
The truth is many of use are not only sufferers of invisible illnesses, but may have had periods of time before where we functioned blissfully unaware and “normal”. We have memories of running down a slope without pain or going from sundown until sun up at a dance club without being the slightest bit tired. We remember when all we thought about spoons was which cubby they got thrown into in a drawer. Now things have changed and we count every step, we worry every choice, we count out every pill. It’s not fair, is it?
I often get down about things, but only in the quiet moments. I think about how I used to put on pointe shoes and complain because my feet hurt from blisters, but now some days I can’t take sneakers. I get mad at myself for taking those days for granted. How could I know, though?
No it’s not a good thing if you are truly depressed and can’t see past the next hour, but it is ok if you don’t feel like Mary Sunshine all the time, too. (That goes for caregivers, too!!!) Life isn’t’ a fair place and we didn’t’ get the longest end of the stick, but we do take that stick and we give it a run for it’s money everyday. It’s important after we give the pain it’s moment, to remember that we are doing it. We keep moving on and we do it under pressures that many people couldn’t imagine. We set an example of perseverance and faith. If we can do this… then anyone can do anything. I may be sick, but I also know I can find a way to make this a positive, too.
They say life is what you make it. I suppose that is true. We have the choice each day to give up or go on fighting. I for one plan to be there at the finish line, of whatever race I choose to run. I want to inspire others and live my life with all the small things I dream of. I want to be someone others can look to for an example. I want to be there for anyone who needs my help and who I think I can help.
I may not be Ms. Optimistic of the year (and who would want to be in those heels??), but I know I can do this. I know it’s ok to feel whatever I’m feeling as long as I don’t let it consume me whole and I know I can do this. We all can do this and we are never alone.
Additional Resources:
http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/depression_abridged_access.html
http://stress.about.com/od/optimismspirituality/a/optimismquiz.htm
http://www.motivation123.com/
Jennifer Altherr, Butyoudontlooksick.com, © 2007