Here we hear all kinds of controversy about day care for working Americans as another presidential election runs on and on through the mud puddles. What about those of us with invisible illnesses?

Day care is great, affordable day care is even better, but what about the single mother? More to the point, what about the single mother who has an invisible illness? It’s illegal for businesses to ask if you have kids or if you have an illness but usually within the at-will period, they both will come up at some point. What happens if in that time your kid gets chicken pox or is vomiting, then what? Day care won’t take them, school won’t let them come in and you can’t afford to lose that job. Now imagine you don’t have a lot of family around to help out and no friends who can take days off of work to come help. What do you do?
Apparently lose your job and hope you get a new one before the bills come, because government, society and communities are having to face this question on some level in every neighborhood across America as single parents live this very issue. Responses are hard to come by and real plans of actions even rarer.
Some places have “mildly ill care”, but definitions of what this means vary widely and chances are still strong that you will have to stay home with them for a few days at some point. I know I want to be with my child when he is ill, but working pays the bills and keeps him comfortable. What do you do?
Some companies solve this with in-house day care centers that offer a separate room for ill children where parents can check in frequently. It keeps parents working and still provides a way for their care. This makes sense, but many companies just can’t afford this level of dedication.
So what options are there? Who does a single mother turn to? How can we balance our lives with the fact we have an illness and still keep our employers keen on our further employment? There are no easy answers. On one hand we have to consider a boss is there to keep us working and we can’t work if we have to care for our kids like we do, but on the other hand we have no choice and family should be the most important.
A lot of those against actions point to the failing views on marriage and celibacy, but many single women are single because of violence, death or something just as bad. Where do we fit in to it all? How does someone arrive at a perfect answer? The sad news is, its not likely to happen soon enough for the benefit of all the single mothers reading this now, but the actions we take now, the ideas we think up now, might impact those very children we work so hard to support.
In the meanwhile:
– Remember to care for yourself; Stress only hurts your heath!
– Teach kids good hand washing and proper eating habits.
– Try to find an emergency nanny through your church or in your neighborhood who can help in a pinch.
– Work out a plan with your boss, where you both can be satisfied. “I have to leave now, but I will make up the hours over the next 3 days and I’ll take that report home with me to proof-read.”
– Try to save some emergency cash in case the worst happens. Even 5 dollars a week will add up to something when you really need it most.
– Make the most out of programs made for you. (Food stamps, food banks, housing allowances, day care support, etc.) Contact your local Social Services to find out more information.
– Make friends. You never know when their support might be just what you need!!
– Stay positive!! As they say, this too shall pass and you should make it your mantra!!
Jennifer Altherr, Butyoudontlooksick.com, © 2007