I kind of agree with part of what Tom says. He makes a valid point about the spaces that have the lines beside them. THE LINED AREAS ARE NOT PARKING SPACES. If it has lines throughout, then it is part of the space beside it. It is illegal to park in the spaced area, as it is for unloading,not parking. I think maybe there needs to be more education that comes with having a permit.

I have given up using spaces all together and just try to park near a cart corral that has carts and I use the cart as a crutch to get to the front door.

I have had SLE for 6 years with my CNS primarily affected so I am no longer able to use my PhD in biomolecular chemistry and JD as a patent lawyer. I have had 2 strokes and experience difficulty walking but don’t always look “sick”. I have been yelled at and cursed by people when I use my handicap sticker in Cape Coral. It is so frustrating that I usually try to avoid handicap parking.
I also get comments about my weight all the time from people I don’t know-if I am looking at the information on a product, people assume I am checking out the calorie content. Today, two woman in the store looked at me buying Weight Watcher brownies in disgust and said “Dear, there is a difference betwwen being slender and being a skeleton- you sould be buying tons of regular food!)

I’ve come to the end of my rope and given up on handicapped parking. We now park towards the back of the lot, taking two spaces. We drive a Vibe (small) and I use a powerchair and oxygen. My chair is in pieces in the car, hubby has to build it every time. I can’t count how many times parts were nearly destroyed bc people (with and w/out tags) pulled in to park on the lines right next to me!

Getting out of the chair and back into the car, I’ve had numerous ppl yell at me “you can walk”. Yup, I knew that already. Sometimes at home I can even walk all the way from my power lift chair to the bathroom before I black out!

Because I am on oxygen I’ve been told to quit smoking. I’ve never smoked anything, ever! I’ve also been told to lose weight – which btw was gained as a result of not being able to breathe to walk much less exercise.

So I no longer bother. And I have never been ticketed for our parking either.

I just want to say to everyone here that I admire your bravery and patience in putting up with such horrible people. I have rheumatoid arthritis and a visible disability. 2 years ago a broke my ankle and tore all the tendons in it. I did not have medical insurance at the time and as I had experienced previous ankle injuries I just used my crutches and tried to tough it it out. When I finally went to the doctor, my ankle had not healed correctly and now my ankle and my foot turn inward and to the side. I cannot walk normally..imagine trying to walk with a thorn in the bottom of your foot and trying not to touch it to the pavement. I used crutches for a while and can sometimes walk with a brace. It looks very bad but no longer causes me any pain. I do not have a handicap tag, and when people ask me why I tell them because there are people out there who need it more. I know how tiring it can be when you are in pain and have trouble walking long distances and for those of you out there who struggle with this I hope people in this world learn some more tolerance. I hate people who think that rules don’t apply to them and they can park in a handicap spot when they are not at all disabled and just don’t care. I think bumper stickers are a great idea and even t-shirts. I think people as a whole need to learn to not judge, especially if they don’t have all the facts.

Also I found something that brings the closest description of the pain of everyday. Almost everyone has had a severe toothache. I tell them now to imagine a toothache all over their body. It doesn’t fully explain it but until I had fibro, etc. I think a toothache was one of the worst pains and most people know how it feels. Just my 2 cents.

Hi Everyone, and thank you Deborah for your spot-on report of your story. How well I can relate to excruciating, bone crushing pain as parts of my body contort into positions I would never be able to do naturally.

There is a weird comfort to know I am not alone in having an “invisible” disease. My neurologist said that 90+% of neurological diseases are unable to be detected, but may someday they will create more sophisticated diagnostic machines. Well, I do wish someday was here.

I can relate to the “snide” remarks, when I have a “good” day, people think you are faking it.

I, too, am able to walk without a cane or walker on a “good” day if I am in a confined area.

I am able to mow our neighbor’s and our lawn, but it is something that has a handle and four wheels. Believe me, though, that I do pay for it in pain. I do know it isn’t going to kill me, so I keep pushing the button because I feel my independence has been stolen. I love helping people.

Thank you again for your story.

Love and hugs,
Judy Evans (Rogs)

Deborah, I swear we could be twins, your story sounds so much like mine. I have been disabled now for about 4 years after having fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain Syndrome, and IBS. I keep trying to keep going but slowly, the fibro is kicking me. And any time I get stressed (bills, etc) or angry, I can spend a week in bed.

And fibro-fog is not my friend. It’s the monster that makes my brain feel like swiss cheese. I have problems writing (and my former job was technical writer) and I had to quit school short of my History/English BS degree because of it. Yes, I’m 53 and it should be a bit hard at my age but I fought up to the last 16 hours to get it and just had to quit because I was too tired and too much in pain to go.

Tim, I have moved on from just my cane (which I use a lot of the time) to a wheelchair (which I couldn’t push) to a 3-wheel scooter to go most places. I have a lift on the back of my van for it and it hooks on and is covered. I park in handicapped spots with my plaquard but I’m going to get the plates next year, I have trouble remembering to put the thing on my mirror (and in Texas, they can fine you for having it up when driving).

I have to go to the judge next week. I’ve been in water therapy for the osteoarthritis I’ve developed on my lower back. The therapy is done at one of the hugest fitness centers I’ve ever seen. It’s there because the pool is warm. I can’t take my buggie in because it’s really hard to move around the changing rooms and such. But it’s on the back of my van. Last week I was inside, finishing up my therapy and changing when someone called the cops because they didn’t see my blue plaque, which was on the visor held by my garage door opener but in sight if you looked in the front or driver side window.

I got a ticket! A nice lady came out and told me that the officer got out, walked around my car, took pictures, and then wrote me up. She asked him to not do it, she knew there was someone in the center who was in therapy and had a cane. She asked him if he could just give a warning because it was obvious that the owner needed the space. He said no and the ticket was placed under my window wiper. I came out, as usual barely able to walk after the workout that usually wipes me out so that I end up in a long nap after I travel the 30 miles back home. She told me what happened and I just sat there, stunned. On the ticket it says “dispatched” which means he didn’t happen onto my van, he was called. I am angry about that too. I’ve got to drive down on a day that I’m not in the therapy (wednesday) to go before the judge and show him that I am in need and it was a mistake by a fibromyalgia patient who was running late and being forgetful. I plan on riding into court with my buggy, cane, plaque, and documents. I need these things to function and I am torn as to whether to say “not guilty” or “guilty with modifiers”.

I’ll probably spend the whole next week after in bed from stress. I just LOVE having fibromyalgia…weeeeeeee!

I have been reading over all of the posts and while I personally am not the person with the disability I agree with you all 100% percent except for Tom. My daughter who is 10 has Mitochondrial Disease and a rare form of Epilepsy called Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome. She has the ability to walk but only for a short distance and then requires the use of a wheelchair, we have both the placard and tag for handicap parking and I am so greatful. I know there are some that think we need to just park in normal parking as she is a child and has a chair, but she is just like any other little 10 yr old girl in that she gets embarassed having to have her mother assist her so much or the fact that she has not one but two tubes in her stomach. We get stares and remarks from older and some young handicap parking users and it really saddens me to think that people actually want to be “sicker” or more “disabled” than others. I have found myself more than once saying things and I would like to take the time to say them to you as well Tom. You and those others that have said things to me and 10 YEAR OLD daughter have had the luxury of being able to age, my child is terminally ill and will not live to be “old” she has every GOD given right to park there just like you. So when you go to bed at night or wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, I hope you can live with yourself knowing that you just told a child that it does not matter that she will never be the one driving the car, graduating highschool, going on a date, to a football game, getting a job, much less getting married, what matters is that you get the damn parking space!

I am currently fully disabled from 9 years of surgeries and complications of diabetes. Even though I am compliant, my body still has problems coping. I also deal with an advanced pain condition that is not FM but is similar in intensity and problems. I ride around with a collapsible wheelchair, but I keep it in the back cargo compartment of the minivan so it is always accessible – side door access being what it is these days. I also had a boss who was quadriplegic and had to find parking spaces with side wheelchair access and so I have a lot of experience with that as well and feel for Tim and others who have to fight with it. My boss wasn’t as angry as Tim, and was a real problem solver. Being quadriplegic, he used a motorized wheelchair and, being unable to find a handicapped space with ramp access, he would park farther back on the lot, park at an angle across two spaces, and thereby create his own ramp access that no one could take from him! In 15 years of doing it, no police officer ever ticketed him for double parking. He always said that if he did get a ticket, he figured he would go to court – he had a GREAT case!

I try to park my van in handicapped spots that don’t use the access area because I have learned to survive without them and I sometimes am able to walk into the store and use the motorized carts in the store. I have also got the stares when walking, but I have never felt guilty and never backed down. I do not judge anyone’s disability as being lesser or greater than mine because I don’t know what it is nor how it affects them and their life. If we start attacking each other, we’re really going to be in bad shape since the healthy public is already doing it every time we park. I choose to stand by my wounded brethren.

Finally, I leave you with a story from history. As they always say, this is for informational purposes only and I am not responsible for anything you choose to do. I used to have a Chevrolet Blazer that had a couple of modifications. There were two toggle switches added to the dashboard that could be engaged at any time – these were added by a mechanic and cost less than $150. One was an engine kill switch. The other was an electric brake switch wired directly to the battery. When both were flipped to the “On” position, the vehicle’s ignition would would crank over and over again, but the vehicle would not start. With the electric brakes engaged, the vehicle could not be pushed, because even in neutral, the brakes are locked and will not move.

What’s the point in all of this, you ask? Well, when you see an illegally parked vehicle, it’s usually useless to call the police because by the time the police get there, the person has jetted from the spot and is long gone. BUT, what happens if there’s a broken down vehicle right behind his rear bumper? You pulled over to let someone pass, getting really close to Mr. “In a Rush” who thought it was okay to illegally use a handicapped space. So my Blazer is inches from the bumper, the handicapped pole is holding him in at the front end, flip both switches, raise the hood and call the police. I always ask the police dispatcher if they can get someone there within 30 minutes, because I tell Mr. “In a Rush” that the tow truck is gonna be 45 minutes. You turn the key, the engine turns over again and again, no start. Mr. “In a Rush” gets his friends to help push the vehicle…it won’t move! Wow! Must be all of that chrome. Then, while Mr. “In a Rush” and the Police officer are chatting, you try “one more thing…” (flip the switches to “off”) and tada! The vehicle starts! You wave at the two of them and drive off.

Now, Mr. “In a Rush” has a ticket for between $280 to $570 dollars, has wasted 45 minutes that he supposedly didn’t have – that was the reason he was illegally parked in the handicapped space, remember? This $150 conversion has cost drivers in two states near me almost $11,000 in fines. My local dispatcher now makes an effort to rapidly dispatch units when I call. I’ve only had to drive off twice because the police were too busy to show up, but I still wasted 45 minutes of Mr. “In a Rush”‘s busy day.

It’s not for everyone, but I got sick of watching them get away with it. I thought of making a license plate that read “CAP TRAP” – For handiCAP TRAP – but I thought that I might start to see some retribution if they ever thought that this little “breakdown” was on purpose. 😛

I absolutely see Tim’s point when he sees people taking up the only parking spot he could possibly use when empty normal parkings spots are close by…
For some people a handicapped parking spot ist the only chance to get out the car and do the errands they have to do.

I live in Germany and I am not eligible for a handicap parking placard even though I can walk about 1000 ft max and am mostly wheelchair bound due to MS.
I was told as long as you are able to walk 30 ft you are denied handicapped parking privileges over here.
It used to be easier to get the placard a couple of years ago and I see people using handicapped parking spaces who are way fitter than I am and… yes – it bothers me sometimes!

Sorry, but I can see where Tim is coming from and also Ahmie had some great points. I have CFS and Crohn’s disease but do not have a placard. My son has cerebral palsy, a visible disability, and he needs that space WAY more than I ever could. A big part of the space is having the wider aisle for mobility equiptment, that you just can’t get out in a regular spot. In my area, I have NO DOUBT a good number of people are using grandma and grandpa’s placards. If you can RUN from your car in HEELS, I highly doubt you are disabled – and if you are, you don’t need that spot – no matter what your disability is.

I rarely go out with my son for shopping trips as it is just too much of a pain, honestly – and I do question how bad off you are if you can walk the mall for hours, arms full of bags, with no equipment or anything. That’s what I very often see when I am circling the lot looking for a free spot.

I am not judging anyone here at all- just telling you what my experience is in my part of town. I completely “get” the needs of the invisible disability, but just wanted to let you know that some of the people with more “traditional” physical disabilities are going through. It is very frustrating when you just need some space to pull out your chair or space to clear your cane as you get out of the car, to see other people bee-bopping into the store in “your” spot.

@Tim, – WOW!!!! I don’t care if you have had 1000000 surgeries!!!! Who do you think you are judging us? I have had fibromyalgia all of my life, since birth! I am now 44. Thanks to my doctor and buckets of pain meds, most people don’t know I am sick, but take the med away? You won’t recognize me. The pain alone would probably cause me to stroke. There is nothing EASY about getting in and out of our cars, there is nothing easy about our lives PERIOD! so if a few of us take advantage of parking closer to a store so they can actually FINISH shopping I so many times have had to bail on?? More power to them, I hope they take YOUR spot just because you are mean.. And FYI , I DONT HAVE A PLACARD, by choice,,, I get enough abuse by pharmacists, can’t take anymore.

I’ve read most if not all of your posts. I have found illness is no respecter of person or age. I have a bunch of health issues and have the handicapped thingie for parking too. Society has pretty much deemed us as not necessary. Yes it hurts to be treated like a second class citizen for something we had no control over and didn’t ask for. But remember, you are brave and courageous for you face life with challenges that most people cant imagine. You keep trying, keep living, keep loving. You’ve gone to school, raised families, worked till you couldn’t, you have lived even with the challenges you have. You are all warriors for you fight a very real giant or giants every day in your health. And not just in your health for it affects us emotionally, spiritually, in every area of our lives. I am so humbled and appreciative of you all for sharing your stories here. you have blessed me greatly. I pray blessings for all of you too.

I am 47, diagnosed with fibro in 2006 but experiencing other neurological symptoms that caused my doctor to refer me to a neurologist. I am currently waiting for the results of tests to determine if I have MS or possibly lupus. In the meantime, it has become increasingly difficult to walk further than the shortest distances possible, and I have begun to think it may be time to request a handicapped parking permit – which is an incredibly difficult decision for me. At the same time, I am absolutely horrified at the stories I’ve read here in the comments and posts – the rudeness, the meanness, and the audacity of some people is absolutely unbelievable.

On a side note, every time I think that I’m alone in my pain and suffering, I need only to come to this site to understand that there are many of us who have chronic pain and fatigue as our constant companions. While that is a sad thought, it also brings a measure of comfort knowing that I am NOT alone with this. There are others – many, many others, such as all of you writers, readers and commentors – that understand all too well what living with these conditions is really like. To all of you I say, thank you for this small comfort, and please don’t lose hope that someday maybe there will be a cure – if not for us, for our loved ones and future generations.

It simply seems that if you dont have a brand new car with a little yippy puppy in it and your RV is at home in the driveway, your collecting SS and belong to every senior organization, eat at every pancake breakfast, go to senior luncheons and play pinochle once a week at the clubhouse in the apartment complex you live in where the rent is based on your income, your just not allowed to park in the handicap spots no matter what your problem is.

Ihave had 5 failed back surgeries including a fusion, two artificial hips, nueropathy, lymphedema amongst other problems and I have come to the point Iam no longer polite to anyone who even looks at me wrong, I simply flip them off and ask them if they would like to race to the front door. Because, I assure you, I will probably loose because you look way to healthy to be parking there yourself.

Just a couple weeks ago I got very dirty looks from an elderly couple woman with walker who had parked in the handicap spot next to mine. When I slowly climbed out of my seat to go into the same medical building. I’m 55 and have fm/ cfs and it was a better day, but if I had not used my placard I would not have ended as a better day the next closest parking was on the far side of the parking area and not as small parking lot as most of us know about what’s available in medical buildings that are connected to hospitals. For a second I almost wanted to tell them off. Like next time I’ll remember to bring my cane so people like you don’t judge and jump to the conclusion that if you look all right on the outside you must be fine on the out side. I do where High heels when I know It will be a short errand or not require me to be on my feet much. I wore them before I got sick so they are a hard girlie thing to give up. Also the fact that I used to dance ballet and do pointe work helps with the balance thing. But believe me I always have a plan B pair of shoes if things change.
A good bumper sticker would be’ Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.” all written inside a big purple ribbon.

I have Fibro, RSD, Arthritis and Asthma. Most days it is a struggle just to get in the car to go someplace and then to put up with people who just don’t get it. It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant our society really is when it comes to disabilities. Just the other day, I had an elderly gentleman roll down his window, shake his finger at me and swear, because I parked in a handicap space, using my placard. When I came out of the store, I discovered that he had left me the long dissertation on why I shouldn’t pretend to be disabled. I only wish that I could have sent him a message with the post from Annette: “I’ll be happy to explain my disability to you at length, but it’ll cost you a donation to the cause. Still want to judge?”

Thank you all for your stories. I was beginning to think I was alone with the problem of disabled parking. I have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Degenerative Disc Disease and Psoriatic Arthritis. I don’t get many good days when I am able to even go out as I always seem to have one of my illnesses giving me trouble. I am 58 years old but have always looked young for my age. Using disabled parking bays is turning into a nightmare due to the dirty looks, angry comments etc. I often think twice about using them at all. When I have been given dirty looks I have often waved my disabled parking badge at them and asked to see theirs. I have been amazed several times to find they don’t even have one! So many old people just seem to think they have the right to park there because they are old!

I get so fatigued that when I go out I can usually only manage to go round one shop to get a few bits before I feel exhausted and have to get home as soon as possible. If I can’t park near the shop I am unable to get all the bits I need as I have to give up half way through my shopping, or risk not having the energy to drive home.

These ignorant people have forced me to only go shopping when my carer can come with me to help. Even with my carer helping me I still get dirty looks and comments. It is very distressing when you are feeling ill to start with. I would love them to spend just one day with the pain and fatigue and all the other complaints that go with Fibromyalgia just to see how they cope. I wonder if they would be so quick to criticize after that day?

I am even having problems with my neighbours at home as they object to me parking my car outside my house. They all know I am disabled. It is a private road with only 10 houses but it is one of their silly rules that nobody parks outside their house. We are supposed to park our cars at the end of the road where there is a parking space for each house. I am unable to walk as far as the parking spaces even on a really good day as it is quite a distance. I have explained this to them but they just insist that I move my car. Needless to say my car is still parked outside my house! I have commenced a complaint about them with our Parish Council and wait to see how they feel being on the receiving end of the moans and groans! The stress of this situation has exacerbated my symptoms tremendously and at present I can hardly get out of bed now.

If anyone does come up with some bumper stickers I would be at the top of the queue to buy some. I already have 2 stickers on my bumper stating that I have Fibromyalgia but I doubt many people even know what it is. I don’t think the name Fibromyalgia really sums up the severity of this dreadful illness. I have plenty of room left for more stickers. PLEASE somebody make some for sale!

Thank you Deborah for posting this article. I am 56 years young (as of last Saturday) and I have Wilson’s disease, a rare genetic condition in which I cannot metabolize the toxic metal copper. I have lived 26 years beyond the time my most optimistic doctors gave me when I was first diagnosed.

I too, get the dirty looks, the nasty remarks, and the “you don’t look disabled” looks. I drive a truck with disable plates and often I have my kayaks on top or my bikes in the back and I can only imagine what people think!

One day, as a result of having a failing stage IV cirrhotic liver, I had a hypoglycemic episode which left me “out cold” on the pavement while walking. Moments later I was in the back of an ambulance being rushed to the hospital.

I am pursuing my doctorate degree in psychology (and this is crazy – at the age of 56) so that I can work to raise the awareness that those with disabilities, whether visible or not, should be treated with the same respect and compassion as anyone because we are as human as anyone.

I recently published my story, “The Cascade Effect: A Biologist Shares His Faith and His Story Living with Wilson’s Disease.” The book is available on Amazon.com.

We can raise the awareness of others by continuing to write about and speak about our own disabilities, not as cocky individuals who believe we are entitled to something, simply as human beings who desire that everyone live by the “Golden Rule!”

Thanks – W. Mark Dendy

I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis since I was 14 and Handicap parking permit since I started driving. After bilateral hip replacements, a knee replacement and many more surgeries on my feet I need the parking permit. I too have been yelled at, glared at, accused of stealing someone elses permit and questioned by police about my parking. If those bumper stickers are made I will buy a gross. My pet peeve is peope who do not have a parking permit and park in our spots any way, “I just ran in to get something.” If I could run I wouldn’t need special parking.

Alison,
You commented about the chronic pain specialist that won’t sign off on a handicapped placard for you… try going to your primary care doc. ANY doctor can sign off on a placard (at least in NH, I would assume that it’s the same regardless of where you are, but then again, I don’ tknow the rules in TX). I was able to get a specialist to sign off on a temporary (6 month) placard, and then had my primary doc sign off on a permanent card. It definitely is useful.
I also agree with what others have stated, about being young and getting looks because of parking in handicapped parking… I’m 27, and don’t LOOK disabled. But walking through the grocery store really can be painful. I had knee surgery back in September and had complications. I am finally to the point where walking is easier, but I still can’t walk too far without being in a lot of pain. It is frustrating and annoying, and getting angry looks because I park close to the entrance just makes me more frustrated. Trust me, I didn’t choose to have my problems.
Oh yes, and I have Fibromyalgia and Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. HEDS has no cure, and means that my joints are very lax, making me prone to joint pain.

I’m jealous of anyone with fibromyalgia who can even get themselves a handicapped parking permit. I can’t! My chronic pain specialist refuses to sign off on the application for me. And not even because she thinks I don’t need it; she just has a ‘personal policy’ that she’ll only approve handicapped permits for patients who are over age 65 or who require use of a cane/walker/wheelchair/etc. Since I’m 26 and physically capable of walking without an assistive device — never mind how painful and exhausting it is, and never mind the fact that under my state’s laws, I meet all the qualifications for a permit — I don’t get one. When I explain to her that I don’t intend to use it all the time, mainly just for school, so I can park closer to campus and not feel like absolute crap by the time I get to class, she says that I need the extra walking because it’s good exercise. Well, yeah, that’s true. Walking is good exercise and I do need exercise for my fibromyalgia and general health. But I think I should get to choose WHEN I exercise, don’t you? And as she knows, I do exercise regularly (walking, yoga, stretches, core strengthening, etc) on my own schedule. But I don’t do it right before class, because I like being able to pay attention to my professors rather than falling asleep from post-exercise fatigue or curling up in the corner and crying from post-exercise pain. Even my disability counselor at school agrees that I deserve a permit and she personally contacted my doctor trying to get me at least a temporary permit for one semester so we could see how it worked out — no luck.

The worst part is, I don’t have health insurance (school doesn’t offer any, can’t work while I’m a full-time student, and obviously can’t get private insurance with fibromyalgia) so I can’t afford to seek out a new pain specialist who would be more accommodating. Even if I could, I’d probably just seem like a lazy, pill-seeking, good-parking-seeking faker who’s out to con the system. And despite this problem, she IS a good doctor who’s very accommodating when it comes to finding ways to manage my pain. Always willing to consider new treatments/medications, gives me lots of referrals to other kinds of specialists for testing or complementary therapies, investigates all my symptoms instead of assuming they’re just from the fibro, etc. I’ve been seeing her for years and don’t want to switch to a completely new doctor who doesn’t know me and might want to start all over with the diagnosis/treatment process. Big sigh.

Anyone know a good doctor in San Antonio, TX, who would be willing to help a fibro patient out on this one issue?

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! I have FM (though I tend to just lump everything under my lupus), and your words help me explain it (and many things) far better than I can even hope to say.

In regards to handicapped parking plates/placards: What’s needed is an additional bumper sticker that reads “I’ll be happy to explain my disability to you at length, but it’ll cost you a donation to the cause. Still want to judge?”

Peace and pain free to all!

Thank you for writing about this. We have enough on our plate with fibromyalgia that we don’t need the snap judgement of strangers adding to it by thinking we aren’t “disabled enough” to park close. I mean, are they gonna carry me back out to my car when I get fatigued halfway through shopping? Nope.

Hi, I know all about what U write. I have Myasthenia Gravis and have invalid parking tag too. I am 36 and have 2 small kids. People look at me ant think I am also pretendant, not knowing about troubles and problems I have to face each day!
I have better days and worse once. It it is the wors and I have to drive, I go to a car and have even problem to drive it….
Good luck to you! And to all with similar problem!